Marriage, Music, and Mayhem: 6 Years with My Wild Older Husband

A long time coming, here’s a post about my husband & me. We’re quite the interesting couple, & we’ve had quite an interesting marriage so far. This month marks our sixth wedding anniversary and eight years together!

How We Met

As I’ve mentioned before, I used to work at several local gas stations. The first time I saw my husband was when I was probably about 20 years old – They say “you don’t meet the people you love, you recognize them”, & that was the case with my hubby. I’m not even sure why, but he intrigued me from the start. I’d seen him randomly over about 10 years, & always wondered why I didn’t see him more often, because I wanted to get to know this “eccentric older gentleman” – Come to find out the reason I didn’t usually see him is because he was stopping by on his way to car shows & he lived over an hour away.

The last time I saw him, I said hi when he came up to the counter, & he yelled “HIII!” more energetically than anyone I’ve ever met in my life – So, I said to him “you’re a spunky one, aren’t ya?!?” And that was it for a few years…

How We Got to Know Each Other

I was in a relationship with my ex for nearly 11 years before he admitted to cheating on me & wanting to split up. (That’s a story for another time.)

I was lost. Devastated. I ended up calling my mom’s sister (who I was never terribly close with, despite best efforts); she told me to call my cousin (who I was never a huge fan of…for many reasons lol); he told me to come camping at the property he just bought a couple years prior with his mom & brother. I needed to get out of the house, so I took him up on his offer.

Their campers were on the neighbor’s property — he let them hook up to his electricity. “Nicest guy in the world,” my cousin said. He was out partying with his brother the first time my cousin brought me out, but he insisted we hang out in the bar he built in his barn for weekend parties, and so we did. When he came home that night, on his pearlescent white Harley with blue road lights, dressed in full leather, he walked into the bar, yelled “HEYYY BUDDYYY!!!” & gave my cousin a big hug… In my head, I was like “oh my fucking god, it’s Mr Spunky!!!”

How We Fell In Love

Every weekend after that, I found myself talking with this intriguing gentleman in his precious, maximalist deco barn bar. We talked about everything. We’d stay up til the birds started chirping. My cousin asked 32 year old me, “what on earth could you possibly have in common with a 56 year old man?!?” And I said, “apparently, a lot.”

(I’ll do the math for you – that’s a 24 year difference.)

We talked about everything before we even started dating. He’d been divorced for 2 years, after 30 years of being in an abusive marriage – I didn’t want either of us to rush into anything, especially considering neither of us wanted to waste each other’s or our own time because life is short & precious. His only kid, a daughter, is just over a year younger than me – I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I wanted kids of my own & hadn’t had any yet – he said he wanted a litter of kids & didn’t care if he had them at his age. I couldn’t move in with him because of taking care of my father (& because it snows like a bastard down there in the winter!) – he said he’d give it all up (the barn, the cars, everything) cuz “you can’t take it with you when you die” – I said I didn’t want to make him give anything up (and we worked all that out as we went along).

I slapped him so many fucking times. Told him he was too old for me. Told him we were moving too fast. Told him I didn’t want to rush into another relationship so soon after my last one ended. He loved it! He loves telling everyone how I damn near knocked him off his bar stool when he tried to kiss me the one time 😝

I loved his determination. He knew who he was, he knew what he wanted, & he wouldn’t stop til he got it 🥰

We never rushed anything. We never wasted time either.

He wanted to go to a Reel Big Fish show with me. He got all dressed up (which was adorable), slammed an energy drink, showed up in a Mustang, & drove me to the show. That motherfucker outdanced everyone in the circle pit, & loved every second of it! 😂 Afterwards, we went out to dinner. They sat us right next to a fireplace. He did that corny stretch & put his arm around my shoulders move, & that was it. After 2 months, I finally stopped fighting (slapping) him. I felt so safe & excited at the same time – that’s when we started dating.

(In case you’re wondering why I’m not sharing more “punky” songs – These are the songs that my cousin’s wife had playing in hubby’s bar every weekend when we hung out lol)

How We Got Engaged

Not much to say here. Kind of.

He made me pick out my rings and his – mine is a beautiful sapphire with diamonds in a diamond shape around it; he has 2 (one for everyday wear, & one for fancy shit).

He even asked my dad’s permission first — because yep, we’re old-fashioned (and respectful) like that.

He made sure my cousins were at a local disco party held at a fancy restaurant, and he proposed as “Disco Batman” (though I made him take his mask off ). I was wearing a blond wig 🙃

How I got pregnant

Well, we won’t get into how 😂 But it was after a Ballyhoo / Badfish concert. (Thanks, guys!)

I legit thought “man, my allergies are so bad this year they got me throwing up every morning”.

And then I missed my period… 🤨

Our “Steampunk Wedding Extravaganza”

Not gonna lie, I wanted to elope.

I handmade all 100+ wedding invitations with a newborn snoozing nearby. “8:00 reception, 12 AM ceremony” (we wanted to make sure the people who liked us would stick around for the ceremony…& not be completely wasted.)

We ordered a pig & beef roast, and held a potluck for everything else – there was absolutely no shortage of amazing food & drinks for everyone to enjoy! There was a bounce house for the kids, & an antique firetruck for photos & a little education. Loud music, thanks to a DJ friend of Hubby’s. Everyone was encouraged to dress “steampunk”, & a lot more people showed dressed to the nines than we thought there would be! Entertainment galore!!

Just before the ceremony, Hubby rode around in his race car, and blew off a cannon & some fireworks with his brother. Mother nature even joined in with some heat lightning all around us, & kept us in a bubble during a crazy thunderstorm all around.

The ceremony was lit up by 4-wheelers. We jumped a little fire (to symbolize “I’d jump straight through hell for you”), and we all partied till dawn.

It was pretty epic; not gonna lie.

COVID

Then COVID hit.

No big deal for us, really. I remember hearing about all these women getting pregnant because they had nothing better to do, & saying to myself “nothing’s changed for us, so there’s no reason for me to end up with a COVID baby”.

And then I ended up with a COVID baby. 😂

That’s when Hubby started dealing with a bunch of stuff, which I may or may not mention in a future post. (Resulting in my emotional burnout).

Marriage Advice After 6 Years…

I certainly can’t say our marriage is perfect. But here are a few things we’ve learned that keep things strong…

• Never stop talking. If there’s ever any problems between you, they sure as shit won’t be resolved with the silent treatment. Or yelling. Deep breaths & compassionate adult communication are pretty important. If there’s beef, lay it out & squash it quick.
• Don’t stay mad. Ask yourself, “is it worth it to be mad about this?!?” The answer’s usually no.
• Don’t go to bed without a kiss & an “I love you”. Even if you are mad. Life is short & fragile – they might not be there when you wake up. Don’t let it end on a sour note.
• Shower together. Yup! It doesn’t need to get all sexy, but it’s always nice if it at least gets a little affectionate. 😊
• Keep a sense of humor. Super important. Sometimes we all need to laugh so we don’t lose our minds, right?
• Don’t take anything too personally. (I’m guilty of getting defensive at times, because of the ways certain aforementioned family members treat me.) It’s usually not that serious.
• When you can’t fight physiology, work with or around it. If you’re anywhere near me or my husband’s age, you know what I’m talking about.
• I went to the bathroom the other day, and came back to find Hubby vacuuming naked – “It doesn’t start in the bedroom. You just gotta make some effort.” Do with that what you will. 😂

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We’re a weird match. But we work — and we’re still dancing through the chaos, one vacuum-naked moment at a time.

Got an unconventional love story? Age gap marriage? Steampunk wedding? Tell me about it in the comments. Or share this post with someone who’d get a kick out of it.

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Rock on. 🖤