I heard about Capacities a year or so ago – everyone on YouTube seemed to be comparing it to Notion and Obsidian.
I love Notion. Obsidian, honestly, looks like a clusterfuck waiting to happen with the way my brain works.
I liked the idea of it, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to make it work effectively. Until one day…
What Capacities Actually Is (Without the Buzzwords)
So, Capacities is a “PKM” (”personal knowledge management”) platform, available on the web & as an app.
What makes it different from most PKM platforms is that it uses “objects” in place of folder or topic hierarchies, which helps to tie things together more easily. They do offer an idea map like Obsidian does, which I think looks really cool, but I haven’t found a practical use for it yet 😅
It’s been available for public use for over 3 years now, and they’re always trying to make it more intuitive. They, of course, have AI integrated, but I don’t know anything about it (I think it requires a paid plan, but I’m not sure).
You don’t start with tags & pages, you build them off your daily notes!
The base of Capacities seems to be their “daily note”, which you can customize with a template if you’d like.
So, I started doing “interstitial journaling” (a Bullet Journal term) in my daily notes, and added pages & tags as I saw fit.
Those tags & pages become their own pages, where every related note is already connected and visible – no copying, no organizing gymnastics. (I must point out, though – “pages” have static space for notes to add to the “object”, while “tags” don’t. Just something to bear in mind)
For things like PKM, I feel like Capacities is much more flawless than Notion. It almost feels less organized – but it isn’t. It’s just organized in a way that actually matches how many peoples’ brains work.
I’ll obviously still use Notion for almost everything, but I’ve been enjoying playing with Capacities for about a month now. I like that I have pages for restaurants (so I know what to order next time I go there), shopping (so I know where to find unique items I’ve discovered), & I even have a “lawyer” page to keep track of some current bullshit (lol 😭) – being able to see everything connected in one place, without copying & pasting or forcing it into a system, is honestly kind of a relief.
Final Thoughts (Is It Worth It?)
Now that I actually understand how to use it, I really like Capacities. It’s simple, intuitive, and unexpectedly kind of fun.
If you’ve tried it and bounced off, try giving it another shot – I’d love to hear how you use it!
Just about every morning, I spend a few minutes writing in my journal.
Nothing fancy – just thoughts I want to explore more when I have the time. Sometimes it’s a quote. Sometimes it’s a random idea. Sometimes it’s something I’m actively working through in my own life.
Lately, I started thinking… what if I shared some of it?
So I did.
I’ve started posting these “Thinking On Paper” entries over on Substack – raw, real, and written as they come. No overthinking. No polishing. Just honest thoughts, as they happen.
If that sounds like your kind of thing, you can check it out here: 👉 Adeline on Substack
It’s free to subscribe, and I’d love to hear your thoughts if something resonates.
I have quite the database of ideas I’ve thought up to write about. And after sharing my ALS post last week (The Family Curse: Growing Up in the Shadow of ALS), I thought I’d continue with more “health” related topics.
Traumatic brain injuries have been on my mind for a while because of some personal, but secondhand, experiences.
TBIs affect more people than many realize. Their effects can be subtle, confusing, and sometimes misunderstood.
And one thing I’ve learned over the years is that brain injuries definitely don’t follow a rulebook…
There Is No “One Size Fits All”
Brain injuries vary widely, and the symptoms can vary just as widely depending on the location & severity of the damage. Even still, two people with similar injuries may have very different experiences.
Symptoms may seem nonexistent for a time & then appear years later. For some, symptoms can be intermittent.
I think part of the reason for this is one of the most beautiful things about our brains – neuroplasticity. See, the neurons themselves don’t re-generate; once they’re damaged, they’re damaged. However, other neurons can gradually branch out & compensate for the damaged neurons, though sometimes this adaption can cause some problems while fixing others.
The Brain Is Just an Organ (But an Important One)
No different than your liver or heart, your brain is technically nothing more than chemicals and electricity. Personality, memory, and knowledge ultimately boil down to chemistry and electrical activity inside brain tissue. When that tissue is damaged, the effects can ripple through every aspect of life.
The most famous example is that of Phineas Gage (to the point that he’s often covered in basic Psych 101 classes) – working as a construction foreman in the mid 1800’s, a tamping iron shot through his skull, which annihilated a huge chunk of his brain’s frontal lobe. His survival after such an extreme injury is remarkable, but it was due to the fact that nothing that controlled his autonomic nervous system sustained damage – the frontal lobe is largely responsible for an individual’s personality, emotion, and social behavior. Despite his survival, his personality changed. Drastically. He went from being a meticulous leader, to being…well, by most accounts, kind of an asshole. Interestingly enough however, he hated animals before the accident; after the accident, he loved animals so much he became a stagecoach driver.
What Brain Injuries Can Affect
Again, symptoms vary widely depending on the severity & location of the injury, and many symptoms aren’t always obvious.
For example – the magnitude of cognitive and memory changes can be surprising.
Common physiological symptoms
migraines
neck pain
dizziness
exhaustion
coordination issues
Common psychological / cognitive symptoms
anxiety
anger
depression
memory loss
confusion
rumination
paranoia
irritability
The Night My Husband Hit His Head
A couple months before we met, my husband had a barn party at his place – lots of people, lots of stuff going on.
Probably a dozen shots in (I wasn’t there, but I know he was a party monster), he decided to use the porta potty in the barn. When he came out, he tripped on a rug & fell back, whacking his head on the concrete & effectively knocking himself out cold for a few minutes.
His friends thought he was dead. Yet they didn’t bother calling for an ambulance for some insane reason. (After working in an ER, I know that the standard operating procedure for such an injury is an ambulance ride with a neck brace on, & an immediate CT scan to check for internal bleeding.)
He was significantly concussed for nearly a week – throwing up, massive headache, dizzy, couldn’t hardly stay awake.
Eventually (as in after we met & I yelled at him), he went to a doctor and had MRIs done on his head & neck. Come to find out he’d slipped two discs in his neck. He also retrospectively remembers being told he has “black spots” on his brain, though I just recently found the imaging discs they’d given him & I’d like to review them myself (not that I think I’m a doctor, but I do have enough medical education & experience to be able to tell if that was a false memory of his, or if there’s some truth to it).
When Symptoms Show Up Years Later
For a few years after, he was “normal” – well, he’s always been a little weird, & that’s why everyone loves him, but he was normal for him.
Then things changed. To me at the time it seemed to be out of nowhere, but now I know it was because of the stress of trying to sell his barns to someone he shouldn’t have been selling them to, combined with working too much and not getting enough sleep.
It seemed to me like he was having a nervous breakdown – extreme paranoia, anxiety, rumination and memory confusion. After a couple years, things settled down for a few months.
Then they started back up, though less extreme. The second time around I realized what was happening — he was confusing dreams with real events.
He’s always slept like shit. He’s always been an “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” kind of guy. Unfortunately, that’s making his life hell these days because it’s just exacerbating other symptoms.
These days, he’s often very irritable, struggles with wanting to try new things, and sometimes he even gets lost when he’s driving around the neighborhood (luckily he was a truck driver & knows not to panic when he doesn’t recognize where he is). He also says that he feels like he “never fully came back into his body” after the concussion, which kind of sounds like a sense of perpetual brain fog.
A lot of these symptoms tend to come & go. But they’re there.
A Scary Moment
One night a few months ago, he was irritable for no apparent reason and we ended up getting into an argument. He eventually got so upset after ruminating for hours, he seemed like he was having a stroke – slurred speech, a little droopy on one side. I insisted I call 911 because it really freaked me out – I’d never seen that happen to him before. He insisted I wait (which is always a terrible idea if someone is actually having a stroke, by the way!!!) But once he calmed down, he was fine.
I’m not trying to diagnose anything here – just sharing what I’ve observed. And that incident showed me that brain injuries can sometimes manifest as stroke-like symptoms.
We’re currently awaiting further testing at a local neurological institute (the one I always envisioned myself working at, actually).
A Similar Story
My “old friend” that I mention occasionally told me back when we were friends that he’d suffered a TBI at some point – I don’t remember much of the story, but then again, neither did he.
I can’t recall the circumstances under which he said it happened, but I know he said he had no clue what the fuck happened. He had no recollection of it actually happening.
He also said that he’d sometimes experience symptoms of a stroke. He’d had an MRI done, which showed nothing at the time, so doctors were having trouble giving him any answers as to why this was happening.
Sometimes he’d get really irritable, and withdrawn, and then sometimes be super apologetic afterward.
In retrospect, after seeing what my husband’s been dealing with, I can’t help but wonder if this old friend is on my mind lately because I feel like I can understand him even better now than I did then. I mean, I don’t know if all of his symptoms (or my husband’s) are from their concussions, which I’m sure they’re not all, but… I guess it helps some things make more sense.
How Brain Injuries Can Affect Relationships
Brain injuries don’t only affect the injured person.
They can influence:
communication
emotional regulation
conflict
memory of events
I realized a while ago that sometimes the best response to these reactions is to just breathe, let us both cool down, and approach the situation with quiet compassion.
I struggle with that sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. When certain buttons of mine get pushed, I can get very defensive.
But that really is the only way to deal with it – quiet compassion, on both our sides.
Aging and Brain Health
My husband & I were recently talking about Bruce Willis, who is currently suffering from advanced frontotemporal dementia.
Granted, dementia is very different than a TBI – it’s a progressive neurodegenerative disorder which causes significant declines in language, memory, and behavior.
My husband was upset & said he didn’t understand why Bruce Willis’ family put him under someone else’s care.
As a caregiver for most of my life, and as someone who’s worked in an ER with more than my share of dementia patients… I explained that the decision could’ve been made as a result of caregiver burnout, arrangements due to his wishes before this point, or his current condition (don’t know if he’s violent or wandering out to the streets naked in the middle of the night, etc).
Brain conditions in general can become pretty complex.
So can anything that affects your body’s hormones & neurotransmitters in general (stay tuned for a thyroid story in next week’s post!)
Staying Proactive
There are definitely some activities that can support neuroplasticity & mental regulation, for everyone.
For example:
Yoga helps ground me in the present moment. It helps me to focus on what’s going on within & around me while I pull apart all the physical tension in my body.
Tai chi I’ve found to be especially helpful when my brain is extra busy because of the constant movement involved.
Any exercise you enjoy, that keeps your attention is great for your brain!
Meditation trains your brain to let go of fleeting thoughts – it’s helped me get through many a dental procedure, as well as just stay calm in chaotic moments.
Journaling. I can’t recommend journaling enough (brace yourself for a series coming soon lol!) It can help you work through tough situations & feelings, make plans for a brighter future, remember things as they happened, and so on. Especially analog journaling – the brain loves novelty & tactile sensations!
The “Thinking Notebook”
I’ve been journaling for about 30 years now, and I’m definitely an advocate for analog over digital.
Handwriting forces you to slow down & focus on what you’re actually thinking – The tactile experience literally engages your brain differently than typing.
I often think of my journal as a “thinking notebook” – a place to let my brain vent onto paper, so that it can all be easier to manage.
Closing Thoughts
The brain is resilient in amazing ways. But it’s also fragile – and sometimes the effects of injury don’t show up until years later. The more we understand that, the more compassion we can bring to ourselves and each other.
If someone suspects they may have experienced a head injury in the past, please –
talk with healthcare professionals
seek medical imaging
stay proactive about your brain’s health
If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.
Relationships are complicated because everyone is different – and so is every relationship.
Some people prefer to be alone. Some prefer to be in “open” relationships, or polyamorous relationships. Some prefer the cultural institution of marriage.
What does a marriage involve anyway? Perpetual devotion, walking hand in hand into the daily sunset until death do you part? Cooking holiday dinners side by side, year after year? Banging wildly every chance you get? Ideally, I suppose.
But every relationship has its ups & downs. We all go through phases in life, and we all change to some degree over time.
Same with the evolution of relationships. There’s the initial spark, the early electricity, the optimism of marriage, perhaps adding kids into the mix…burning out a bit. Let’s be real here, yeah? Life rolls in plenty of storms. Can your relationship weather the challenges?
It’s important to honor the fantastic, idealized picture you may have in your mind of the way things are “supposed” be, but it’s equally important to question that picture and consider how to integrate it into reality.
When Love Stops Being Cinematic
Some quick personal background info :
I’m the type for long term relationships – I dated my high school sweetheart on & off for 5 years, I was with my ex fiance for nearly 11 years, and I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years now.
I don’t really believe in marriage… even though I’ve been married for almost 7 years. I mean, I guess I kinda do believe in marriage (LOL), but I feel like society pressures us to get married. And I obviously think people tend to change too drastically for a 50 year marriage to be realistic. Just being honest.
I started studying long term relationships & tantra as a teenager – I’ve always known long term relationships require copious amounts of “work” to keep things interesting. My husband’s the same, though somewhat unintentionally.
Also, my husband was married for 30 years before he met me. Let’s not get into that shitstorm though…
I’m not an expert on anything. (No one is.)
With that said…
Relationships inevitably move from performance to presence.
Love quietly shifts from novelty to the liminal space of coexisting with another unique human being who you (hopefully) continue to admire, adore, and fight the battles of life with. Spontaneity sways back & forth with responsibility. Parenting, exhaustion, and life logistics reshape intimacy – What shape it takes is up to both of you.
Perhaps intimacy at a certain point needs to be viewed as enjoying the journey, not the destination.
That is tantra.
The Unsexy Truths That Actually Sustain Love
Life is short and everyone changes. That’s the unsexy truth, the harsh reality, and… the beauty of life.
I’m not the same person I was when I started dating my husband, and he’s not the same person either. (Are you the same person you were a decade ago? Not likely. Or possible.)
I’m now in my 40s. Despite my best efforts, I’m still about thirty pounds heavier than I was a decade ago (thanks, kids! 😂). Everything hurts & I’m perpetually exhausted. Mentally & physically.
He’s now in his 60’s. Doing pretty well for a “boomer” though! 🤣 He’s grown his hair out (to my dismay), and he’s a little wrinklier than he was – but still a handsome SOB! He now has arthritis, constant pain from the slipped discs in his neck, and he seems to be allergic to, well, everything. And he occasionally has some fairly minor mental health issues due to an old TBI (or 2…or 5), including sleep issues. In other words, his everything also hurts & he’s also perpetually exhausted.
Over time, your body changes, your energy levels shift, your mental health may veer a little sideways at times, and…desire overall changes form.
This is normal. This is to be expected. Staying grounded in that reality helps sustain the connection.
Redefining Erotic Energy
If you did the math, you can tell my husband’s a bit older than I am. Quite a bit.
Before we even started dating, we each dumped all of our baggage out for the other to decide if they really wanted to help carry it all. (We both have a lot of baggage, LOL!)
One of the things he mentioned was that, because of his age, his dick didn’t work that great anymore.
I told him, “I don’t need your dick hard to make love to you”.
Saying that, I knew one of two things would happen – either, like a fucking snake charmer, it would come to attention & get to work, OR, I would have to prove my point.
Spoiler alert – both happened. 😆
Side note – neither of our kids are “little blue pill babies”.
How?
Let me tell you…
Tantra.
When most people hear the word tantra, they envision fucking for hours on end. And while prolonged intimacy can be part of tantra, focusing only on sex completely misses the philosophy.
Tantra is about enjoying the journey, without focus on the destination.
This philosophy is relevant far beyond the bedroom. This is viewing life itself as erotic – seeking pleasure & joy in every moment, not just sexually. It’s about living vibrantly.
In a long term relationship (or marriage), that implies :
paying attention to each other’s subtle clues about how the other is feeling
maintaining playfulness (my husband likes to dance-vacuum naked sometimes, when the kids aren’t around of course 😜)
finding joy in simply spending time together
being present with that time together
maintaining curiosity about who we’re becoming as a couple and as individuals
being affectionate throughout the day without the agenda of turning each other on
and, perhaps most importantly, loving what’s in front of us instead of grieving what once was, emotionally & physically
We try to steal quick moments to shove our tongues down each others’ throats. Of course, the kids tend to rush in, wanting to turn it into a group hug situation. Bless their little souls lol.
We help each other around the house, even if the other says, “that’s ok, I got it”. “The fuck you do; what can I do to help?”
We laugh at everything we can. We sneak adventures in whenever we can (antique stores aren’t nearly as nerdy as I once thought!)
We constantly try to share interest in each other.
And, on the rare occasion that children, physical pain, or exhaustion aren’t killing the mood, we make love for as long as we possibly can.
It’s a lot of effort. But anything worth doing requires effort.
And that’s tantra – putting in the effort to maintain joy, for ourselves, and for each other.
The Grief No One Warns You About
Maintaining that effort by finding compassion for each other throughout challenging experiences is the true test of a long term relationship. Keeping up with communication is a major challenge, notably for me.
Life can throw any number of curveballs at any time – illness, injury, emotional distress, financial stress, and the list goes on.
I often find myself grieving a past version of my husband – exploding with vibrant vitality, optimism, compassion for others, and unadulterated ambition. A neon fucking light in the dark. And while that’s still him at his core, life’s curveballs have hit him in the balls a few times over the years. Mine too.
Part of me resents his not-so-gradual turn to pessimistic rumination & general distaste for the majority of humanity. But I get it. (Kind of.) Resentment can coexist with devotion, with some effort. I try to be a “smart wife” – understand what he’s going through, approach it with curiosity & compassion, and keep trying to steer him back toward his own neon fucking light. Without losing my own in the process.
We’re all constantly evolving, & that can be a struggle at times. Patience and trust are essential virtues within committed relationships, of any kind.
Choosing Love as a Practice Instead of a Feeling
Love isn’t always easy – Effort itself is a major act of devotion.
So, start now.
Who do you love? And what do you do to remind them that they’re loved?
You can only buy so many colorful bouquets & heart-shaped boxes of sugar once a year before the thought doesn’t count for much anymore.
And like in Green Day’s song “Redundant” – “When ‘I love you’s’ not enough, I’m lost for words”.
Take it up a notch.
Plan an unusual date night. Dress up & sing a song (especially if you can’t sing). Bust out the handcuffs (everyone has handcuffs, right?)
My Valentine’s gift for hubby this year is a jar full of love notes – reasons why I’d still marry him today. He can pull one out on a day when I maybe tell him to go fuck himself, and be reminded that an occasional shitshow doesn’t define our entire relationship.
Do something. Consider it intentional maintenance, because all relationships are ecosystems which require tending.
This is the first piece of his work that I was introduced to :
her creativity is my kink.
there’s nothing more seductive
than her
stripping down
to her original essence,
soaked in a feral flow state,
birthing galaxies from her genius.
i want her barefoot on the hardwood,
dancing in paint,
whispering poetry
to the sunrise,
paid in ecstasy
and eye contact
for simply being alive.
i want her calendar filled with nothing
but creation and kisses.
i’m building a world where
she doesn’t need to clock in because
her beauty already bends time.
i want to pay the bills
so she can pay attention
to the parts of her
this world taught her to abandon.
her job description?
bloom until the garden can’t
contain her.
her only responsibility?
reminding gravity
it can’t keep a woman like her
down.
her uniform?
poetry so naked
that truth feels overdressed.
her boss?
the rhythm of her breath.
her references?
the god that studied her heart
before creating
heaven.
the angels
birthed from the art
of her unedited expression.
her entire employment history
can be summed up in one line:
hired by life itself,
to remind every soul watching
that existence is
erotic.
she moans differently
when she’s dripping
in theta waves.
if i’m gonna be a provider,
let me provide her with overtime pay
to nap naked in the sunlight
on a thursday
while the wind writes love songs in her hair.
lingerie is cute and all,
but have you ever seen the lost art
of her unclenching her shoulders
and spreading open inside
her own limitlessness?
now.
that.
is.
fucking.
sexy.
If my husband were a writer, that’s what I know he would’ve written for me when we first got together. So reading that poem brings up a lot of feels.
It represents the ideal of being fully witnessed & adored.
That’s the “north star”.
Long term, love isn’t always living inside that ideal – but it can still orbit it.
Through the chaos of life & children, we make sure to show that we still see each other. We make sure we still give & take each other’s support, even if more imperfectly than before. And we make sure to maintain space in our lives for creativity & aliveness.
That’s the tantra.
Love as Evolution
People change, relationships change… Such is life. If we weren’t constantly changing, we wouldn’t constantly be growing. And that would be bad.
Change is good. “The only constant in life is change”, as Heraclitus said. Permanence is an illusion.
But to keep life enjoyable, you need to put in the work. And enjoy the work in the process.
Stay curious, especially with your loved ones, and stay real. That’s the only advice I can truly give.
Relationships don’t stay alive on autopilot. They stay alive through curiosity, humor, forgiveness, and effort.
If this resonated with you, take five minutes today to do something intentionally loving – for your partner, or for yourself.
What’s one small way you could nurture connection today?
And I’d love to hear your experience – what has long-term love taught you that no one warned you about?
I stumbled across the idea of “romanticizing your life” a while back, & it kind of struck me – why would you really want to romanticize anything else?
Little did I know, this phrase was a “trend” (I’m always out of the loop, which is where I belong 😅).
To me, romanticizing your life isn’t about aesthetic perfection, pretending everything is awesome, or assuming you’re failing if your life isn’t curated like it belongs in an art gallery.
It’s simply holding the mindset of presence & intent throughout your days. It’s a way of looking at the ordinary moments. It’s practicing mindfulness.
Romanticizing your life is about attention, not aesthetics.
What It Actually Looks Like (In Real Life)
Noticing Small Sparks
The fleeting moments that make you pause, such as snow glittering in the sunshine or a genuine smile from a stranger. Always be looking for insight, hope, meaning, joy – no one can give it to you, you need to find it for yourself. And you absolutely can, the more you look for it.
I try to write down the little things throughout the day that I enjoy, as part of my journaling practice. It’s uplifting to read even a year or so down the road & remember how the surplus of birds chirping in the big tree on the side of my house made me feel in that moment. 🥰
Hesitating in Boring Moments
Before grabbing your phone to numb out all of your boredom and stress, ask yourself : What do I actually want to be doing right now?
Is there anything that could make this moment more fulfilling?
Treating Ordinary Moments as Worth Recording
Not because they’re impressive or profound to anyone (including you), but because they’re yours.
All the little moments put together are the story of your life. It’s worth making notes of. (And, perhaps, sharing?)
Why Journaling Matters Here : Time Blur & Memory
I always feel like everything I do throughout the weeks just blends together – days feel like weeks, weeks like months, and so on – and I’m left feeling like nothing’s actually happened.
That’s why I review my daily notes often. I condense dailies into weeklies, weeklies into monthlies, and so on – It helps me get a clearer perspective on what I’ve accomplished, what fun I’ve had, and what insights I’ve gained over time. And why.
For me, journaling throughout the day and planning joy for the future are anchors in time. Control over future feelings. Proof that I’m living my life (not just existing). And forcing my perception of time to slow down by paying attention to it as it passes.
When you document your life, time stops erasing it.
Romanticizing Your Life as Self-Choice
You don’t need permission to enjoy your life.
You need to choose yourself inside the roles you play in your life.
As a wife & mom, I constantly feel guilt pulling at my heartstrings for craving autonomy & independence. But I’m not just a wife & mom – I’m a badass 😉
I know who the fuck I am, and I need to go out into the world & just be me sometimes – going to concerts by myself, running errands by myself, taking myself out to sushi & write in the dining area at Wegman’s. I love my family, & I do plenty of fun stuff with them.
But presence includes choosing to honor yourself & your needs, not disappearing into obligation.
Tools That Support the Perspective
Even amidst times of chaos, these are tools that have supported my passion for living my life. Of course, these are ideas, not requirements.
Journaling – (If you haven’t noticed, I’m quite a fan.) Even when I’m tired or have had a boring day, I’ll at least write a simple word in my monthly log to summarize the day. Even if that word is “BLEH!”
Planning – (Also a fan.) Planners are fun because they can be used for a lot of things beyond tracking dreadful appointments. Because I homeschool my kids, I abuse my planner, but it definitely helps me figure out where & when I can fit in adventures to local hiking spots or museums (with or without the fam). However, planners can also be used as memory keepers – I make one for my husband every year, using a “Hobonichi Weeks” style planner, where I write a highlight of the day every day & add photos weekly. Just an idea. 😊
Weekly / Monthly Reflections – I make sure that I browse through my daily notes once a week to reflect on what I’ve done & contemplated, and compile the useful stuff onto its own page; sometimes I’ll expand on those notes, sometimes I don’t. Monthly, I review my weekly reflections & do the same thing. This process gives me a lot of valuable perspective over time.
Who This Is For
You. If you’ve read this far, this is definitely for you.
You crave beauty & fulfillment but hate bullshit
Maybe you feel bored, stuck, or numb
You want more meaning without blowing up your life
You feel something missing but don’t want a fantasy fix
Romanticize your life by paying attention & living each moment with intention.
You don’t need a better life — you need to be present in the one you have.
Document one ordinary moment today. Get sensual about it, if you want – “that sip of coffee was perfectly warm on this frigid day, and slapped me to attention like a sumo wrestler warming up for a match”.
And plan one small, meaningful thing – just for you. (Even it’s just grocery store sushi.)
If this resonated, share it with someone who’s tired of numb scrolling — or bookmark it for the next time time feels slippery.
I’m certainly not one to share product recommendations. And I’m definitely not cool enough to be sponsored by any of the companies I’m about to mention.
I just wanted to share some products & services I’ve used for long enough to confidently say… this shit’s pretty sweet, and maybe you’ll think so too!
No joke… I looked in the mirror one day after my youngest was born & just about screamed when I realized how much of my hair had gone white. Not grey…white. With how wildly frizzy my hair is, I said to myself, “I look like a haggard old mom! I gotta do something about this!!”
I figured that any hair dye would make my hair look unnatural, so…might as well make it look fun!!
Teal is my favey
I did some research on Amazon for hair dyes, and decided it would be most convenient for me to get conditioner with dye in it – that way, I could just dye it every other day or whatever & work with it that way. And that’s what I’ve been doing for at least a couple years now, with Keracolor Clenditioner.
I’ve tried their teal, purple, red, & merlot dyes. Every six months, I switch between teal & purple (just to keep myself entertained).
I don’t color treat my hair at all (no bleach or anything), so everything you see dyed in the picture above is otherwise white (😭😝).
I didn’t like the merlot or red very much – they didn’t “pop” enough for me.
The teal sticks in my hair like it belongs there. Which is lovely because it’s my favorite 😊.
The purple mixes with the teal & sticks to my white hair such that, during the months I use it, my hair has a bit of an ombre effect. It almost looks intentional, and I’m not mad about it. In darker lighting, you don’t really notice it at all (it looks dark brown like the rest of my hair), but in bright & natural light, it really “pops”.
When I switch colors, I just don’t use the dye conditioner for a month. As I said, the teal sticks like it’s supposed to be there, but the purple doesn’t. For me.
I’ve even dyed my daughters’ hair with it (the length of their ponytails) – the older one has teal & she gets quite a kick out of it, the younger one has purple & it hasn’t quite shown up much yet. Both of them have straight auburn hair (they didn’t get that from me, obviously.)
So, if you’re looking to dye your hair, I definitely recommend giving this product a shot. I’ve had a lot of fun with it!
Short video ads started popping up on my Facebook & Instagram for Pair Eyewear a year or so ago, and I was intrigued by the idea that I could just slap a sun shade on top of my regular glasses when I needed sunglasses.
Why does this intrigue me so? Let me tell you! 😆
Throughout the summer, I tend to wear my contacts so that I can easily wear sunglasses. However, allergy hell hits me at the very end of summer every year, leaving me unable to wear contacts with how much my eyes tend to itch. Constantly. Every day. For weeks.
Do I want to spend money on prescription sunglasses that I’ll only really need to use for a month out of the year? Hell no.
Enter Pair Eyewear.
So, what it is…
You buy a “base frame” pair of glasses for about $70 (you do need to share your prescription with them, obviously, but they’re very helpful with that) – they have all kinds of options to choose from as far as style, size, color, etc. They even have sizes & styles for men & children!
These “base frames” have small magnets in the corners so that you can buy “top frames” that match your base frame’s style, but cover the front. So, they have a constantly updated stock of top frame styles (Halloween’s my favorite), and they even have “sun shades” and “tinted lenses”.
Why did I get “silver sparkle” sun shades? I have no clue. I thought they were fun at the time, but…they’re a little much sometimes 😅 Luckily, I can just layer whatever top frames I want on top of them, & make them match whatever I’m wearing!
Why did I get “blue tint” lenses? Dude! They’re fucking awesome! They are super nerdy, but…! When it’s bright out, but not bright enough to warrant sun shades, the blue tint is perfect! Especially when I have a headache!
So if any of this resonates with you, or if you just like the idea of being able to easily switch up your glasses, definitely check out Pair Eyewear – it’s super fun, convenient, and, at times, practical as hell!
However, a ton of things you can find on Amazon (and at other retailers) can be found cheaper on Temu – They’re just cutting out “middle men” who are trying to make a profit on the resale of these products. I was a reseller & I’ve worked in enough retail to know how businesses operate.
So anyways…
I love Temu. I try not to go too crazy – I mostly buy things you can’t really find anywhere else.
Clothes? I’m not one for “fast fashion” – I like my clothes to last at least 5 years 😅 Literally every piece of clothing I’ve gotten from Temu has held up pretty well (except for the iron-on applique on one shirt). I’ve bought shirts, jackets (with a shitty zipper, but it’s warm as hell!), boots (super warm, & sufficient in the snow!), and I wear nothing but their sherpa lined pants all winter.
Warm & cozy Temu boots…& my ass kickin’ boots
I’m getting into leatherworking, & I’ve bought some cheap tools from Temu, including the “famous” $100 manual sewing machine. All this stuff has been awesome to experiment with, without my credit card bursting into flames.
And Xmas gifts galore! I’ve found so many unique gifts for people, I don’t even know where to begin!! One time I did get a metal sign that was bent to hell in transit & I couldn’t straighten it out for the life of me, but they’re really good about refunds (I’ve never had a single problem, especially with things that disappeared during delivery).
Overall, I have not been disappointed by anything I’ve bought off this app – it’s made trying fun new things extremely affordable, which is ideal before you start spending money on quality.
Walmart Spinach & Snack Peppers
Kinda random to mention, I know, but they’re a staple in my diet.
I rarely buy produce (or protein, for that matter) from Walmart. But they have beautifully priced, quality snacking peppers & bags of spinach at my local store! I buy some every time I’m in there.
My kids are even obsessed with the peppers, & they’re food snobs!
Wegmans Onion Hummus
Yummy in my tummy!!!
On the diet note, Wegmans’ Caramelized Onion Hummus is the best hummus on the planet.
I’ve tried a lot of hummus. I do not care for most hummus.
This hummus is the bees knees! 😅
I have to buy two small buckets of it every time I go in to Wegmans because my food snob children will eat it straight out of the container. (I prefer it with my snack peppers, or carrots or celery.)
Seriously, even if you don’t like hummus, try this shit – it’s amazing!
Don’t get excited – most of that cash stack is singles
Apps are great. Cash works better for me. My husband agrees.
It’s a lot easier to know how much money you have to work with when it’s staring you in the face as opposed to being numbers on a screen.
It’s also a lot easier to second guess your purchases while you’re pulling that cash out of your wallet, as opposed to swiping a card real quick.
Not preaching; that’s just my lived experience.
A couple years ago, I was watching videos on YouTube about cash budgeting systems, and trying to figure out how I could make that work for my family.
Then I saw a video with this cash budget wallet, got all excited & bought it, and I’ve been using it ever since – I can’t even imagine how much money it’s actually saved me over the years!
None of these products or services are about optimization – they’re about making life just a little easier & more enjoyable. It’s stuff I like enough to share because maybe you’d like it too!
Small comforts count – you don’t need the “best” or most expensive version of anything. You’re allowed to like whatever works for you.
If you like this kind of real-life sharing, I post more of it on Facebook — random finds, routines, and whatever’s actually working lately.
If you’ve found something that genuinely made your life a little better, I want to hear about it – share it with me in the comments below!
Your digital life is your second home – So why let it turn into a dumpster fire of random files and endless notifications? Do you really need screenshots of that recipe from 3 years ago?
The mental load of digital clutter distracts from creativity, focus, and growth. That’s not to mention the importance of securing your accounts and cutting down on unnecessary digital footprints.
It’s time to reclaim your digital life on your terms. I do this at least once a year, and I always feel like everything’s so much easier to deal with afterwards!
The Manifesto for a Digital Audit
In brief : Keep what’s relevant, and what empowers you. Delete what doesn’t. When in doubt or overwhelm, archive ruthlessly into the searchable abyss.
The PARA Method (Stop Scrolling) can be applied to almost anything that can be organized and searched.
This is about freedom, not perfection.
There is no “one size fits all” system – Do what works for you.
The Checklist
I tried to be inclusive, so not everything will apply to you. Do whatever you need to do. It may help to rearrange this list by which device it makes the most sense for you to work on each task (for example, laptop, phone, or tablet) – An analog mind map might help with organizing, or a digital file.
It might also help to review this list and select your top 3 areas : What stresses you out most? Where do you spend the most time looking for what you need? Start there.
Again, this isn’t about becoming a productivity robot — it’s about reducing friction in your real life.
In no particular order, here we go…
Email – Aim for “Inbox Zero”
Unsubscribe from any boring junk
Flag spam as such
Set up folders / labels for organizing essentials
Create filters for automation (if that would be helpful)
Create a separate “junk email” that you never bother to check
Create a spicy auto reply (”I’m busy doing awesome things, I’ll get back to you ASAP!”)
Phone stuff : voicemails, texts, contacts
Cloud and device files and stuff
Delete or archive old or unnecessary files (duplicate photos, outdated documents)
Organize other files into intuitive folders (use PARA, organize by year, or both!)
Backup important files (only important files!)
Consider backing up to an external hard drive
Delete unused apps, programs, and home screen distractions
Clean up desktop, and downloads folders
Update software and apps you do use
Utilize your computer’s built in disk cleanup, storage optimization, defrag; clear cookies & cache
List cloud files to tackle (ie Google Photos, Google Drive, etc)
Clean up browser bookmarks & history
Turn off any annoying notifications
Social Media
List the social media you use (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, etc)
Unfollow accounts that are inactive or don’t add any value to your headspace
Audit your profiles for authenticity
Check privacy settings
Avoid oversharing!
Clean up saved posts and playlists
Security and Passwords
Consider using a password manager
Update weak or repeated passwords
Enable two factor authentication on important accounts (Google, banks, etc)
Check for and remove old accounts
Update security software
Subscriptions and Permissions
Cancel services you no longer use or need ($5 subscriptions add up!)
Audit app permissions (who really needs access to your location?!?)
List the e-commerce sites you use (Amazon, eBay, Temu, etc)
Remove saved card info (you’ll thank me later)
Audit wishlists
Make it Fun, & Reflective!
You could gamify the process by making a points system for every action completed, and treat yourself to rewards for milestones of points earned
Journal through the process :
How can streamlining your digital life help you take charge of your time and energy?
What do your digital habits reveal about your priorities?
What do you actually need to feel organized and in control of your digital life?
What habits led to clutter, and how can you avoid that next time?
Personally, my YouTube subscriptions were out of control, as was the spam in my email – It’s so much easier to deal with now that I’ve culled the clutter! And archiving has been my BFF for old files that I’m just not sure if I’ll need sometime in the future (but probably won’t, lol).
Tools to Simplify Your Digital Life
I don’t use password managers, but I’ve heard good things about LastPass and BitWarden.
Digital note apps : I use Notion, but Google Keep, Obsidian, Capacities, and Evernote are other good options.
Focus apps : I liked Forest when I used it, it’s cute. Freedom is another that I’ve heard of.
To do list apps : I’ve used Notion and Google Keep for that. Todoist is pretty popular. For household cleaning tasks, I’ve been using Sweepy for years!
Try & use whatever resonates with you, because you obviously don’t need all of these — pick one tool per category at most.
Embrace Your Chaos Free Digital World
Digital decluttering isn’t about perfection — it’s about making your tech support your life instead of draining it.
Start small. Pick one area. Fifteen minutes counts.
If this helped you, give it a like, share it with someone drowning in notifications, and tell me in the comments: where are you starting your digital declutter?
I’ve tried sharing my blog and creative stuff on a bunch of platforms — Instagram, Pinterest, Bluesky, Tumblr, Facebook.
And honestly?
Most of them feel like work.
They reward loudness over meaning. Performance over presence. And if I’m not actively playing the game, they might as well not exist.
The funny part?
The only place that’s ever driven real traffic to my blog has been Facebook — and that was before I even had a page. (Whoever was sharing my posts back then: I see you, and I appreciate you 💚)
So… Facebook.
It turns out this is the one place where I don’t feel like I have to perform.
I can show up as I am — share a blog post, a song I love, a workout, a half-formed thought, a craft I’m working on, a quote that hit too close, or an article worth chewing on.
No niche-boxing. No pretending everything fits into one aesthetic.
Just a creative dump / hangout space.
And I actually enjoy it.
I recently set up a zen BLITZ Facebook page, and while I’m still figuring out the whole community-building thing (algorithms are… a thing), it already feels more real than anywhere else.
If you like:
eclectic, meaningful shares
a little depth mixed with humor
conversation over content
showing up without pretending you’ve got it all figured out
…this might be your vibe too.
So if you’re on Facebook, come say hi. React, comment, lurk — whatever feels right.
“New year, new you!” You know that’s bullshit, on so many levels.
For one thing, pushing the reset button on the calendar year doesn’t change anything other than a number. People change over time — often quietly, unevenly, and without clean timelines – the dates don’t matter at all.
For another thing, there’s nothing wrong with you such that you need to completely “reinvent yourself” or whatever – Goals are intended for self respect, not self shaming or punishment for not being “good enough”. Everyone could benefit from improving their lives in certain ways, at certain times.
So, while I am writing this post for the new year, I’m going to share some reflections, practical steps, and a loving nudge for all of us to get our proverbial shits together whenever we need it, throughout the year.
Let’s be intentional about how we design our lives, shall we?
Step 1: Reflect Like You Mean It
(You might want to spread these reflection prompts out over a few days. Or weeks, whatever you need to do. 😉)
A. Role Review
Make a list of all of your roles in your life – whatever applies to you.
For example, mine are : myself, wife, mom, homeschool teacher, creator, & household manager.
It might seem like some of those things overlap, and they do because they’re collectively my life, but they’re also separate responsibilities.
What roles in your life carry their own responsibilities – are you a student? A volunteer? And even if your kids are adults, they still count, now just as much as ever.
Once you have your list, go through each role individually & ask yourself the following :
How do I feel about this area, as far as the associated responsibilities & the general vibe?
Why?
What, if anything, would I like to improve here?
No self judgment, just be honest.
If a role feels heavy or resentful, that’s information — not failure.
B. Define Your Ideal Life
Perfection isn’t reality.
Without that in mind, get wild with this one!
What, ideally, would make your life feel peak vibrant, authentic, & exhilarating? Spend a few minutes writing it out.
Make this personal: values-based, vision-based, aesthetic, emotional, or messy.
Dream big!
C. Optional Reflection Prompts
A few more things to ask yourself, if you’d like :
Where in my life am I proud of myself?
Where am I drained?
What’s one thing I’d change immediately if I could?
Step 2: Choose a Word of the Year
This doesn’t need to be too drawn out, and it doesn’t need to be for a whole calendar year.
Pick an anchor word to help you focus your efforts on for now – if it changes, change is good. Just pick one at a time, a truth to lean into for a while to serve as a compass & a reminder of the direction you’re going (which is forward 😉).
Examples I’ve used in the past : simplify, intent, & embody.
Write it somewhere you’ll see it regularly. Make a Canva design & hang it on your wall. Tattoo it on your arm if that’s your thing. Just don’t forget your reminder.
Step 3: The Brain Dump
Set a timer for at least five minutes and free write a list of anything on your mind. And, while you’re at it, everything.
No filtering, no performing as though it’s intended for anyone but you. Just get it all out of your head & onto paper.
Some loose categories to consider : Life + Work + Health + Wealth + Relationships. Maybe even consider some things from your “Fuck Yeah list” or childhood hobbies.
If your brain dump feels overwhelming, that’s the point — you’re emptying the clutter.
Step 4: Prioritize Intentionally
Go back through your brain dump and sort through it :
Hell Yes (non-negotiables or deeply aligned)
Maybe (park for later)
Hell No (things you’re carrying out of guilt or habit) – cross these right out
Then sort through the “Hell Yes” again, as well as your previous reflections – what things take priority for you, right now? What’s important to your wellbeing & sense of self? You really want to minimize this list as much as possible (no more than 2 or 3 things).
Step 5 : Identify the Why
For these priorities, ask yourself why those things matter to you.
Dig deep — the root motivation, the thing that will keep you going during slumps. Does it relate to your values, your identity, your direction in life?
Ask yourself – “If I lose motivation, what truth about this goal will get my ass in gear?”
Step 6: Build the Plan (Projects + Systems)
There are two main ways to execute on most goals – systems & projects.
Projects are time bound, outcome based goals with a definitive ending point. For example, planning a vacation or launching a product.
Systems are repeated behaviors, such as habits, routines, & processes. For example, I have my morning & evening routines, and our homeschool routine – all of these things include habits that better my life (& my kids), which is always the goal.
Pick no more than 1–3 major projects to work on or systems to develop to focus on this quarter.
An Optional Perspective : Experiments
If you have a bit more of a scientific mind, it may be helpful to view these new projects & systems as experiments.
Include:
Hypothesis
Test (action)
Evaluate
Implement or Pivot
“Experiments” remove failure-shame, because they’re just experiments. Try a thing, and if it doesn’t work, try something else.
Keep Yourself Accountable (Gently)
Some people like to tell their loved ones or an online community about their goals to help keep them accountable – they can keep those people updated on their progress.
While I kind of do that here on my blog a little bit, I prefer the visuals of habit tracking in my planners and reflecting regularly in my journals.
Whatever you do, choose something that feels supportive, not punishing if you don’t (or can’t) follow through.
Reflection + Adjustment
Reflection is key, especially if that’s your main accountability protocol.
Even if it’s not, you should definitely ask yourself regularly what’s working with your progress, what’s not working, and how you can make things better or easier for yourself.
For myself, I check off my habit tracker daily. Weekly, I review & see how the week went. And then monthly, I review my weekly reflections & see what I need to adjust.
Your timeframes & means of reflection may be different, but it’s essential to do if you want to see continuous improvements in life.
Real-Life Examples From My Current Goals
For nearly a year now, I’ve been focusing on a few things – my physical health, my writing & creativity, homeschooling, & my marriage. All of these things are major priorities for me for their own reasons, and that hasn’t changed.
For my health goals, I have a daily health log on Notion where I keep myself accountable for the food I eat throughout the days (I can be a bit of an “emo eater” sometimes). I keep a separate analog journal to log my weights & what exercise I do on a daily basis. Weekly, I review these logs & reflect on how I did in my analog journal. (And it’s been pretty neat seeing how my weights have changed over the course of months!)
I track what writing I get done daily in another analog notebook, and reflect on that each week as well. I never feel like I’m getting anything done, but my notebook reminds me that I do get stuff done & encourages me to keep at it!
We follow curricula for most of the girls’ homeschooling, and I’m constantly asking myself if we’re moving along at a reasonable pace. I adjust accordingly, and I keep track of progress on Notion, which makes it super easy when it comes to writing up quarterly reports!
Closing
You certainly don’t need a perfect plan to start, you just need to know where you want to go and what first steps to take on the journey.
One honest step is more powerful than a polished vision board.
Treat the coming year as an experiment in becoming more you, & let’s see where it takes us!
If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.
If you’re comfortable, share your word of the season or one priority in the comments — I love seeing how people design their lives differently!
And if you’d like to watch a video I enjoyed that kind of plays in to what this article was about, check this out 👇
With all the options out there, how do you know which one to choose? Do you even need a reinvented method?
You don’t need a “perfect system.” You need a system that actually fits your life.
Let’s try to figure that out…
Keep It Simple, Stupid. (KISS)
Some people tend to overbuild: too many trackers, too many spreads, too much pressure.
Why?
Sometimes it can be fun, but eventually you’ll likely burn yourself out.
The real red flag: you’re not using it OR it feels like it’s going to explode. Literally.
Focus on minimalism over aesthetic chaos, or too much “quantified self” data that you’ll realistically never give a shit about (ie: 12 mood trackers, tracking water intake by color, etc.)
Focus on what you actually need.
What You Really Need to Plan For
Grab a piece of paper or your journal – it’s list time!
What do you feel the need to plan for in the first place?
Everyone has universal categories :
Appointments & time-specific stuff
Goals / Habits
What else? For me personally, I also need to plan for :
Family adventures
Homeschool
Meal planning
Now ask yourself about each – Does this category make my life easier, or am I adding it because I feel like I should? Cross out the unnecessary & don’t worry about it!
The fewer categories you depend on, the longer the system lasts.
What To Do If Your System Feels Boring
Boring is fine. If it works, don’t fix it.
Consistency is boring. But boring is how you get results.
Overhaul cravings usually mean the current system never felt quite as effective as it needs to be. Ask yourself “why?”
Some small refresh ideas:
Simplify back to only the essentials
Switch up a layout
Add minimal decoration, color, or a theme
Reduce screens by intentionally using paper moments
Pre-Made Planner vs. Build-Your-Own
There are certainly benefits to both.
Pre-made = great for beginners, busy people, and those who hate setup.
DIY = great for people with unique schedules, neurodiverse brains, or flexible lifestyles.
Ask yourself : Do you want structure handed to you? Or do you want the freedom to build something more flexible?
Digital vs. Paper: Choosing Your Tools
Personally, I use both.
Notion strengths:
Holds everything.
Organizes long-term projects, archives, info-dumps, and complex systems.
Perfect for the behind-the-scenes life management.
Paper strengths:
Screen-free
Immediate
Great for daily/weekly overview
Helps cut down distractions
Good for grounding & simplicity
Hybrid = the best of both worlds.
Your planner doesn’t have to be one thing.
Avoiding Planning Fatigue
You don’t need January 1st to start fresh; you can start on any random Tuesday!
Consider your life as a collection of seasons, not years — winter rhythms vs. spring energy vs. summer chaos.
Adjust as life shifts.
(And don’t overdo it!)
My Personal Setup
As I said, I use a hybrid setup as my planning system.
Above is a screenshot of my main Notion dashboard. It’s an adaptation of Tiago Forte’s “PARA Method” (projects, areas, resources, archive) – planner, roles, interests, & archive.
For me, I don’t have any projects that aren’t related to my “roles”, so that section is just my planner – mostly a calendar & running to do lists.
“Roles” are ongoing areas of my life – mostly health (physical & mental), homeschooling, zen BLITZ, & home stuff (shopping lists, budgeting & bills, etc). Each role has its own page with its own databases – for example, my physical health has my workouts so I can cycle through them, & mental health includes my daily journal!
“Interests” holds things that aren’t directly related to my roles – so, information about people, books, restaurants, etc.
And the archive is where things go to die cuz I’ll probably never need them…but maybe I will. 😅
Obviously, you don’t need to use PARA — this is just what works for me.
And this is my Happy Planner Mini. (Nevermind the Fruit Loops stain from my kiddo – that’s part of the charm of analog 😂)
In here, I have monthly calendars so I have a nice overview of things going on, weekly overviews, and daily stuff so I don’t have to look at my phone a zillion times a day.
Obviously, I print my own paper & don’t know how to format it properly for my dumbass printer, but that’s irrelevant. It’s cheap & customizable.
This satiates my desire for a proper “Bullet Journal”. For the most part.
Review
Start with what matters and ignore everything else.
Don’t force yourself into a planner that looks good but doesn’t work.
You don’t need a brand-new system — you just need one that fits your actual life, right now.
Planning is supposed to support you, not stress you out.
Start small. Adjust as needed.
Start with what matters. Ignore the rest. If you like this vibe, hit ‘like,’ share it, and follow along — more rebellious simplicity coming soon.
zen BLITZ 