Let’s Get Real : When Happiness Feels Like a Scam
It seems like everyone’s always chasing happiness, as though it’s the ultimate goal of life. Romanticizing happiness like that, however, can really just set us up for failure, especially when we feel like we’re just struggling to survive.
Here’s a little truth bomb for thought, from Mark Manson – “Comfort with your core misery is a form of happiness.” I suppose accepting, understanding, and approaching with compassion your underlying (angst, sadness, or whatever) is the key to freedom from its control.
Even Stoic philosopher king Marcus Aurelius was dealt a super shitty hand throughout his life, yet he showed up for it. Every. Damn. Day.
How to Deal When It All Feels Pointless
“We continue to rise because it’s the only way forward.” – Ryan Holiday
- Start with the basics (especially if you’re at rock bottom) :
- Eat something that didn’t come out of a crinkly wrapper. Your mind, just like your body, needs actual nutrients to feel good.
- Move your ass, even if it’s just a casual stroll.
- Sleep, hydrate, repeat.
2. Don’t numb out. You’ll only cause yourself more problems.
- No drugs. No binges. No “maybe if I just…” decisions.
- That one night stand? Definitely not the solution!
- Therapy & medication are tools, not weaknesses. If your brain is sick, help it heal – no one worth a shit is judging you.
What to Do Instead of Spiraling
- Journal. And get ugly about it. Be honest, even if it’s petty & especially if it’s dark. Then flip the script – What would you say to someone you love if they were feeling the way you do?
- Lean on your people, even if it feels awkward or vulnerable. Any decent human will want to lift another up.
- Do one tiny thing to look forward to. A creative project, a cheap vacation, plan a local hike, or learn something weird on YouTube.
- Volunteer. Sometimes, giving a shit about someone else helps us give a shit about ourselves again.
- Develop healthy routines to help you get through each day.
When You Feel Like Nobody Cares
Quick sad story – My mom died at home of complications from ALS four days after my 15th birthday. (Worst. Birthday. Ever.) I remember sitting on the couch in front of her while my aunt called the coroner & distant family members in the other room, and my father did shots & smoked cigarettes with my uncle outside. I asked myself, “now what do I do? How do I grieve? How do I move forward from this?” And then I realized I was left alone with the empty shell of my mom. And I screamed in agony, feeling like I didn’t matter.
This just magnified my tendency to shut down and disappear when I’m in pain. As an adult, I try hard to consciously choose not to revert to that – I try to make sure I reach out to others just to say “hi, how are ya?!?” (even though I feel like no one does that in turn).
A little reminder (for myself, & you)…
If you ever feel like no one gives a fuck – you’re not alone, or broken, or anything like that. That pain has a root. But isolation isn’t really going to make anything better. Reach out anyway – you’ll never know if some light will reach back otherwise.
Selective Apathy : A Survival Skill in a Loud World
“Let the chaos settle, & clarity will follow”
From there, we need to focus on caring deeply about things that matter to us, & not at all about things that drain us. Mindfulness is a matter of noticing where your energy goes unattended, & rerouting it with intention.
According to the Dalai Lama (& a million philosophers before him), the only constant in life is change. Suffering occurs as a natural response when we are resistant to change. When we are capable, we need to let go – accept it, so we can address it & turn it around by finding any possible meanings & lessons hidden beneath the pain.
You Don’t Have to Be Happy to Live Well
You’re not broken because you’re not blissed out. You’re still here. Still trying. And that definitely matters. You are not alone, and the world is better with you in it. Feel & live loud, even if it gets a bit ugly at times. The golden rule in life, in my opinion, is to do whatever you want so long as you don’t hurt anyone, including yourself.
If you’re in the thick of it right now — I see you. Keep doing the next right thing, even if it’s tiny. Leave a comment, message me, or just save this for later. You’re not alone in the mess.
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Rock on!
zen BLITZ 