mental wellness – zen BLITZ

Growth isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

I wanted to write a post for me & hubby’s 7 year wedding anniversary, but I couldn’t really think of anything new to write. So here are some older posts, in case you missed ‘em :

Marriage, Music, and Mayhem: 6 Years with My Wild Older Husband

Tantra and Long-Term Love: The Truth About Keeping The Magic Alive

That said…

I got behind on my posts for the first time in almost 2 years – I’ve never skipped a week, til now!!

It’s been a loooooong week. Weeks? While. Busy taking advantage of summer weather, & tending to some emotional chaos within the household. Which thrust me into a bit of my own chaos.

No better opportunity to show how I practice what I preach, so to speak, and to lean back into the series I’m working through…! (The last post in the series was “Choosing a Different Path”, if you need a refresher).

When Life Gets Messy

When life gets chaotic, people often either give up completely or try to overhaul their entire lives.

That’s why there are so many YouTube videos & blog posts touting “How to reinvent yourself in 30 days” or “Become your best self – here’s how!”

Most of us have tried it.

And most of us have watched it fall apart after a week or two.

Instead, we need something small enough to do on even our worst days.

Minimum Viable Self Respect

Back when I was a grieving teenager, I started studying stress management. I knew I needed a simple way to come back to myself whenever life got messy. And over the years, this gradually became a framework I still use today.

It’s also the framework I return to whenever I’m overwhelmed – which made it especially fitting this past week (or so).

The point isn’t to add another impossible checklist to your life.

The point is to make caring for yourself so approachable that you can still do it when everything feels like it’s falling apart. Because it’s a matter of respecting yourself – your whole self – in good times & rough ones.

Worthwhile challenges are awesome – they keep life interesting!

But times of chaos aren’t asking you to make things more difficult.

Practice Beats Attempted Perfection

Fuck self-actualization. And individuation. Nirvana, enlightenment, and all that bullshit.

We treat them like finish lines – the idea that one day you’ll finally “arrive.”

Perfection is nothing more than an idea. Not a state of existence.

There is no finish line.

Growth isn’t something you arrive at. Neither is healing.

These are things you practice.

Practice creates space for transformation.

That kind of growth is quiet. Slow.

A matter of choosing the next respectful action. Again. And again. And again…

And that transformation becomes resilience, discipline….character.

The BMHS Framework

Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I ask myself four questions :

Am I taking care of my body?
Mind?
Heart?
Soul?

To me, this is a bit of a hierarchy, with “body” being the most important & the first to focus on. All of these are essential to our existence, but some more so than others.

Body – physical needs (food, movement, rest)
Mind – inputs (what you’re reading, watching, listening to)
Heart – connections, relationships
Soul – outputs (expression, creativity, meaning)

I start with the body because it’s hard to think clearly, connect deeply, or create anything meaningful when I’m exhausted, starving, or running on empty.

Putting It Into Practice

Spend a week focusing on one area.

Or a month.

Or whatever your life allows.

No gold stars. No pressure. No failing.

Just practice.

That’s it.

Your character is defined by how your return to yourself, your values, & the ones you love.

A wonderful reminder that I found on Pinterest :

“Uncommon advice : If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the right path will reveal itself.”

Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore each part of the framework – Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul – with practical ideas you can adapt to your own life.

In the meantime, ask yourself one simple question:

What’s one small act of self-respect I can practice today?

If this helped, share it with someone who’s white-knuckling their way through a hard season right now. And subscribe if you’re new – I’ve got more from this series coming!

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Let’s Get Real : When Happiness Feels Like a Scam

It seems like everyone’s always chasing happiness, as though it’s the ultimate goal of life. Romanticizing happiness like that, however, can really just set us up for failure, especially when we feel like we’re just struggling to survive.

Here’s a little truth bomb for thought, from Mark Manson – “Comfort with your core misery is a form of happiness.” I suppose accepting, understanding, and approaching with compassion your underlying (angst, sadness, or whatever) is the key to freedom from its control.

Even Stoic philosopher king Marcus Aurelius was dealt a super shitty hand throughout his life, yet he showed up for it. Every. Damn. Day.

How to Deal When It All Feels Pointless

“We continue to rise because it’s the only way forward.” – Ryan Holiday

Start with the basics (especially if you’re at rock bottom) :

Eat something that didn’t come out of a crinkly wrapper. Your mind, just like your body, needs actual nutrients to feel good.
Move your ass, even if it’s just a casual stroll.
Sleep, hydrate, repeat.

2. Don’t numb out. You’ll only cause yourself more problems.

No drugs. No binges. No “maybe if I just…” decisions.
That one night stand? Definitely not the solution!
Therapy & medication are tools, not weaknesses. If your brain is sick, help it heal – no one worth a shit is judging you.

What to Do Instead of Spiraling

Journal. And get ugly about it. Be honest, even if it’s petty & especially if it’s dark. Then flip the script – What would you say to someone you love if they were feeling the way you do?
Lean on your people, even if it feels awkward or vulnerable. Any decent human will want to lift another up.
Do one tiny thing to look forward to. A creative project, a cheap vacation, plan a local hike, or learn something weird on YouTube.
Volunteer. Sometimes, giving a shit about someone else helps us give a shit about ourselves again.
Develop healthy routines to help you get through each day.

When You Feel Like Nobody Cares

Quick sad story – My mom died at home of complications from ALS four days after my 15th birthday. (Worst. Birthday. Ever.) I remember sitting on the couch in front of her while my aunt called the coroner & distant family members in the other room, and my father did shots & smoked cigarettes with my uncle outside. I asked myself, “now what do I do? How do I grieve? How do I move forward from this?” And then I realized I was left alone with the empty shell of my mom. And I screamed in agony, feeling like I didn’t matter.

This just magnified my tendency to shut down and disappear when I’m in pain. As an adult, I try hard to consciously choose not to revert to that – I try to make sure I reach out to others just to say “hi, how are ya?!?” (even though I feel like no one does that in turn).

A little reminder (for myself, & you)…

If you ever feel like no one gives a fuck – you’re not alone, or broken, or anything like that. That pain has a root. But isolation isn’t really going to make anything better. Reach out anyway – you’ll never know if some light will reach back otherwise.

Selective Apathy : A Survival Skill in a Loud World

“Let the chaos settle, & clarity will follow”

From there, we need to focus on caring deeply about things that matter to us, & not at all about things that drain us. Mindfulness is a matter of noticing where your energy goes unattended, & rerouting it with intention.

According to the Dalai Lama (& a million philosophers before him), the only constant in life is change. Suffering occurs as a natural response when we are resistant to change. When we are capable, we need to let go – accept it, so we can address it & turn it around by finding any possible meanings & lessons hidden beneath the pain.

You Don’t Have to Be Happy to Live Well

You’re not broken because you’re not blissed out. You’re still here. Still trying. And that definitely matters. You are not alone, and the world is better with you in it. Feel & live loud, even if it gets a bit ugly at times. The golden rule in life, in my opinion, is to do whatever you want so long as you don’t hurt anyone, including yourself.

If you’re in the thick of it right now — I see you. Keep doing the next right thing, even if it’s tiny. Leave a comment, message me, or just save this for later. You’re not alone in the mess.

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe to my weekly newsletter zen BLITZ.

Rock on!

Tag: mental wellness

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