On maladaptive daydreaming, emotional avoidance, overstimulation, and modern survival.
Most people aren’t afraid of being alone.
Or bored.
They’re afraid of what shows up when things get quiet.
All kinds of shit can come to the surface – unresolved emotions, grief, shame, unmet needs, existential discomfort.
Let’s talk about coping.
The good, bad, & ugly.
Escape Routes (And Why We Need Them)
Ideally, you could design a life you don’t feel the need to escape from.
But even then…we sometimes still need to escape our own minds.
People don’t escape because they’re lazy or weak.
They escape because something inside them feels unbearable, empty, overstimulated, or unresolved.
There are so many routes, especially in our current climate :
- doomscrolling
- binge watching mindless bullshit
- maladaptive daydreaming
- constant stimulation
- porn
- alcohol
- gaming
- obsessive crushes
- fantasy lives
- shopping
- productivity obsession
Some things are even viewed as socially acceptable on the surface :
- “functional” escapism
- overworking
- endless podcasts/videos
- compulsive self-help
- obsessive planning
- internet rabbit holes
None of these things are inherently bad, in moderation. Some even seem productive.
Distraction can be emotional anesthesia. And modern life offers infinite ways to stay distracted.
Everyone has a vice.
Some coping mechanisms soothe us. Others consume us.
Fantasy as Survival
There’s a difference between adaptive & maladaptive daydreaming, & there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming in general.
Adaptive daydreaming can reinforce creativity, inspire you to follow your dreams, help you develop character traits you admire, or help you escape the mundane or unpleasantness of your reality.
It can be used to replay scenarios, imagine what a relationship with someone would be like, ruminate on positive experiences, or imagine future scenarios.
It can be used to manage emotions such as loneliness, unmet needs, grief, boredom, & restlessness because it can provide a sense of control, stimulation, comfort, emotional intensity, or meaning.
Maladaptive daydreaming is when someone gets mentally stuck in that fantasy state. It can be addictive.
The first time I’d heard anyone mention “maladaptive daydreaming” randomly was in a YouTube video I watched about a year ago, by Alwyn Oak (she starts talking about it about 15 minutes into the video, if you’re interested : **Sharing my biggest secret.. & Healing the Inner Child 💚)**
The whole idea of it reminds me of what I read in “The Red Book” by Carl Jung – Toward the end of the book, it definitely seemed that he’d taken his personal experiments beyond the psychological philosophies of the archetypes & the collective unconscious to a more “maladaptive” mental state.
I could be wrong though, & I’m not judging.
Because I do this. This is my biggest “escape route”, personally.
I started doing it when I was a kid – I didn’t have any siblings, so I’d do what most kids do & entertain myself with my imagination. I had numerous scenarios, environments, & characters to play with.
It became a bit maladaptive when I was a pre-teen – My classmates were less than friendly, & my anxiety got so bad that I preferred to stay in my own little world as much as possible.
I grew out of it, for the most part. But I definitely do still drift into it for various reasons – mostly boredom or self soothing during times of chaos. Sometimes to remind myself of who the fuck I am, sometimes for the sake of developing insights into my life.
Dopamine, Numbing & Nervous System Junk Food
I’ve never had a chemical addiction outside of nicotine, so I can’t personally speak to the intense struggles involved, & I wouldn’t dare try.
In reality, you can be addicted to anything.
My high school sweetheart explained to me that he considered himself an addict by nature, saying that he’d immerse himself in anything that would distract him – that could be “alcohol, drugs, sex, attention, politics, activism…”
Anything that hits those dopamine receptors just right can become addictive.
Sometimes, the brain just wants relief. It’s like junk food for the nervous system.
But that temporary soothing can lead to loops – the high wears off & you’re left feeling lost, seeking the next hit of dopamine.
Addictions, chronic avoidance, emotional dependence on fantasy or distraction, rage addiction, internet outrage, parasocial attachment…..
Sometimes we don’t even numb with pleasure – we numb with self-improvement. Constant optimization can become another way to avoid ourselves.
Some coping mechanisms slowly become identities or prisons.
Stopping Long Enough to See What’s Chasing You
Some coping mechanisms protect us.
Some slowly disconnect us from ourselves.
The point isn’t to shame yourself for surviving however you had to survive.
The point is awareness.
Because once you notice the pattern, you get to decide whether it still belongs in your life.
What’s your biggest escape route? Tell me in the comments if you’d like. 💚
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Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻
zen BLITZ 