I’ll Never Fucking Know

Sometimes grief doesn’t come from death — it comes from silence. From a friendship that once burned bright and then vanished without explanation. This poem spilled out of me in still trying to process the loss of someone who once felt like home. It’s messy, raw, and probably imperfect… but so was our bond.

“I’ll Never Fucking Know”

What the fuck happened?

Seems I’ll never understand.

Like a whirlwind of emotions;

your sleight of hand.

Mutual love, compassion,

freedom of our fucking souls.

Someone to lean on in a storm—

bestie goals.

Is it really worth it,

to be so mad?

Is it really worth it,

to throw away what we had?

Your silence is deafening;

none of this makes sense.

We could’ve figured it out

with a bond that intense.

What could be, would be, should be,

before it’s too late.

This animosity wasn’t written

to be our fate.

But nothing’s changed;

what more can I do?

Just keep on keepin’ on,

without you.

I’ll stitch up my heart,

just like before.

Burn bright in your darkness—

I’ll always love you more.

What the fuck happened?

Where’s your vibrant fucking glow?

Your stubbornness knows no bounds.

Guess I’ll never fucking know.

Losing someone you love — whether a friend, a partner, or a soulmate of any kind — can feel like a death without a funeral. Writing this helped me grieve, rage, and remember.

Fuck it — grief is messy, love is messy, friendship is messy. But maybe we don’t have to process it alone. Drop a thought, a rant, or a poem of your own in the comments. Let’s build a little corner of honesty together.

Rock on!

PS — What sparked this?

For a few years, my family was caught in chaos, and I was the one holding it all together. That kind of weight leaves you drained in ways you don’t even notice until later.

I think that’s why memories of this friend hit me so hard when they resurfaced – We once leaned on each other & lit each other up when we had nothing left.

I tried reaching out — not out of selfishness, but out of hope. Hope that maybe we could move forward, even just as friends. But silence was my answer.

So I’m left with this strange space: not fully grieving, not fully heartbroken, just carrying a fire I once borrowed from him. A fire I’ll keep tending, in the life I’ve built.

Find Your Spark: My ‘Fuck Yeah’ Version of the Excitement Map

blitz, zen

I recently watched a video by Tiago Forte about what he calls “The Excitement Map”.

He suggests using it to figure out what goals to go after, because focusing on what excites you naturally boosts life satisfaction.

I like it because it reminds me how much of life can be exciting when I’m feeling pretty “blah”.

How To Make One

He used a “mind map” layout for his, with “life” at the center and branches extending from there.

I just made lists. And I’m calling it my “Fuck Yeah List”, because these are things you should always say “fuck yeah!” to. 😆

Basically, you just make a list (or branches) of things that energize & fascinate you. Don’t get too specific to start, just general categories or subjects of interest – whatever “lights you up”. He suggests browsing through your digital life for ideas (such as videos & articles you’ve saved, observations throughout the day, etc). A good question to ask yourself to help add to the list is “What did you enjoy doing as a kid? No judgment, no guilt tripping yourself with what you think should be on there – just the things that genuinely spark something in your soul. Tiago even goes so far as to say that these should be things you feel you have a physical, visceral passion for.

From there, you’d get more specific – ask yourself & write down what about each topic makes it important or meaningful or exciting for you.

Now you have something to work with however you see useful. ❤️

My “Fuck Yeah List”

I expected myself to struggle with making my own list because I’ve been feeling pretty “blah” lately (distracted, overwhelmed, worried — you know, all the fun mental clutter.)

But once I got going on it, it really came together nicely! So here’s what I came up with :

Writing
- Sharing things that excite / interest me
- Feeling proud of something I’ve written
Nature
- Seeing things I don’t see very often (certain birds, butterflies, ruins)
- Fresh air, refreshing breeze
- Flowing water
Adventures
- Experiencing different places & things
- Shopping
- Hiking
- Events
Music
- Concerts
- Dancing
Witchcraft
- Nature
- Meditation
- Protection
Learning
- Psychology
- Stoicism
- Buddhism
- Health
- Neurology
Exercise
- Getting stronger, leaner, faster
- Dancing, coordination
Cooking
- Putting together healthy, delicious dinners for my loved ones
Notion
- Creating engaging, functional workspaces for different purposes
Driving
- Cruising around at night, no one else on the road, listening to music with the windows wide open
- Going 70+ on the highway, legally

If you’ve been feeling flat lately, this is a game-changer. Make your own Excitement Map and see what lights you up. Share this post if you think someone else needs the reminder.

Rock on!

Weight Loss Without Misery: What Worked for Me (So Far)

blitz, Where I'm At

I’ve lost over 15 pounds! 😁👍

That’s halfway to my goal!! 🥳

Ever since my doctor told me my cholesterol was “elevated” (though, as I’ve been told by everyone else, “whose isn’t?!?”), I made an honest effort to make some changes to my health.

My main goal is to feel better, however. A better mindset has been the most rewarding side effect of all the dieting & exercise I’ve been doing the past couple months – weight loss & toned muscles are just a bonus.

Let’s review my efforts so far…

Diet

I’ve been following a “mindful eating” diet plan set up with the help of ChatGPT. It helped me set up a schedule so that I wouldn’t get too hungry by dinnertime (& thus shovel a bunch of food in my face).

Here’s what that looks like :

Mindful Eating Schedule

10:00 – lemon / lime water
11:00 – fruit
1:30 – salad w/ protein
4:00 – smoothie / yogurt
6:30 – veggies with hummus
8:00 – dinner
11:30 – dark chocolate & nuts
1:00 – fruit

I don’t follow this strictly, but it’s been proving to be pretty good guidelines for me. I’m trying to focus on eating mostly veggies & protein. Through ideas from Tim Ferriss’ slow carb diet, part of my weekly “do nothing day” includes “going crazy” (which has definitely helped me keep my sanity!) And on days when we find ourselves on an adventure, I just try to stay mindful of what I order out (without depriving myself of the glorious BBQ of summer!)

I’ve also been counting calories using an app called “My Net Diary”. It makes sense to take in fewer calories than you burn off throughout each day, so it’s been making me more aware of what I’m eating. And I love it!

“Don’t drink calories” has been a big realization for me – I didn’t realize how ridiculous my coffee creamer was! (Bet your ass I’ve got a generous amount of it plus a shot of Trader Vic’s macadamia nut liqueur in there on “go crazy day” though! 😋)

Exercise

I forgot how much I love to exercise!

I started with just 5 minutes a day, and have built myself up to about 45 minutes (give or take).

I do different things daily, all movements that I love (which is key to maintaining the routine!) :

20min cardio / dance
15min arms / bellydancing
10min yoga / tai chi / qi gong

I’ve always been interested in belly dancing, and now that I’ve been doing YouTube videos regularly, I’m seriously considering signing up for a local belly dancing group. (How I would love to create & perform a routine to some ska & rockabilly – The thought of complementing “King For A Day” with the chimes of a bellydancing belt is just too adorable! 😊)

On “go crazy” days, I stick to just yoga, tai chi, and qi gong. And definitely not for 45 minutes!

I realized I have a bit of trouble with tai chi & qi gong because I’ve been practicing yoga for over 20 years. Yoga is about releasing energy and gradually improving flexibility, balance, & strength; where tai chi & qi gong are more about energy movement & manipulation, and range of motion. The movements in yoga tend to be more “grandiose” than those with tai chi, so I struggle to slow down and flow with the “chi”. But both types of movements have their appropriate times.

Smoking…..

Well…heh…oops! 😬

(I’m such an asshole……)

I quit smoking over 6 years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest. However, I vaped until a couple of months ago when I’d lowered the nicotine level in my vape so low that I realized it was all psychological habit instead of addiction. So I quit.

I kept a pack of Camels around that I’d smoke maybe one or two a year if shit hit the fan & I needed a little nihilism.

Well, I needed a little nihilism amidst my recent “mid-life crisis”, & now I’m smoking more than I’d like to admit.

I gotta quit. Again.

It’s honestly kinda low on my list of concerns, though, to be honest. (A post on that soon…probably.)

I’ve really been enjoying sneaking off to the nooks & crannies of my yard to see whatever nature I can while I’m out there though – hummingbirds, butterflies, chipmunks, & squirrels throwing crabapples at me.

Health Log on Notion

I’ve been using Notion to help me keep track of everything (as always).

I have a database with a template set up to reset daily.

In the properties, I track how many fruits & veggies I eat each day, water, exercise types, calories, steps, cigs, and some other stuff.

The note itself contains my “mindful eating schedule”, a food log, exercise log, and space for reflections (I realized during yoga yesterday how cranky my knees have gotten omg!)

This is making it super easy to not only stay mindful throughout the day but also reflect & pivot as needed each week!

Lessons I’ve Learned

Diet is the most important thing to focus on if you want to lose weight. You can exercise all you want, but if you’re shoveling candy & chips in your face all day, you won’t make any progress.
Exercise is important for overall health. Not just mental & physical vitality, but also to tone up your muscles. So move your ass – You’ll lose weight a lot quicker!
Start small & build up to where you feel like you need to be. I slowly reduced my calorie “allowances” and started with 5 minutes of exercise (building gradually each week).
Do things you enjoy. I like the foods I eat on my schedule, & they make me feel good. I love dance cardio & belly dancing. If I tried jogging daily, it wouldn’t last long (I’ve tried, & it didn’t.) Do whatever keeps you interested.

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m damn proud of how far I’ve come. If you’re working on your own health journey — remember, baby steps and curiosity go a long way. You’ve got this.

Have you started (or restarted) a health habit lately? Tell me about it — I’d love to hear.

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.

Rock on!

Where I’m at #11

Where I'm At

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Honestly, I’ve been pretty burned out on planning stuff. I left it up to hubby for most of the summer so far. This has been a mistake 😂 So I gotta plan some shit for next month – a bonfire, dates, & adventures!
self : I’ve been doing really well with my diet & exercise routines (expect a post about all that next week!) 💪 My brain is still a hot mess though lol 😭
marriage : We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary…with the kids. It was fun though. Next month, we’ll be seeing Kansas in concert (without the kids lol) cuz hubby insists they’ll be entertaining
mom : The girls are good 😊 Booboo likes climbing the door frame to the kitchen (which I also loved doing when I was her age hehehe), and Bubby’s imagination has been beautifully wild lately (I can’t wait til she can start writing stories!!!)
homeschool teacher : Still panicking about the school year ahead. Don’t even know why. It is what it is lol. I’m trying to figure out how to find time for more preschool for Bubby this year – we’ll be finishing “Easy Peasy” soon, and I hope she’ll be ready for “Playing Preschool year 2”. 🤞
zenBLITZ : Finding my groove more – I’ve enjoyed writing what I’ve been writing, and I’m starting to get a bit of a clue with social media 🤪
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Fuck it. LOL. All’s well enough. So…fuck it. 😜

Currently

eating : salads

drinking : lime water

watching : “You”, on Netflix (I hated this show when it first came out. Now we’re into season 3 & I love it!)

reading : One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle

playing : nothing really

buying : shorts! I have too many colorful & patterned items in my closet. I feel like a rainbow with legs LOL

listening to : “Out All Night” by the Pietasters is on right now

celebrating : lazy days of summer

pinning : empowering images, self care, pretty pics for Notion covers, yoga, travel

planning : family dates, maybe a party (cuz I desperately need to get drunk & burn shit LOL)

feeling : not too shabby!

Rock on!

What If Your Midlife Crisis Is Actually Emotional Exhaustion?

zen

Why did I think I’d escape the good ol cliche “mid life crisis”? Oh yeah, because I was sure I already went through one like ten years ago. Yet here we are.

I keep coming across reminders that I need to “Reclaim a part of myself”. The random stale Camel from the pack I’ve had for 3 years because I quit smoking 6 years ago. A renewed passion for music and concerts (since I was the local ska princess 20+ years ago lol). And craving urbex, deep conversations, and fun parties.

Or at least an occasional break from homeschooling, making dinners, & attempting to clean the house (always a futile goal).

Is it a mid life crisis though? Or emotional burnout from all the bullshit I’ve been through the past few years (caregiving, stress, the world melting down)?

Yeah, probably both.

Could be worse though, I suppose… 😉

🔥 Reclaiming yourself isn’t selfish — it’s survival.

Got your own midlife (or burnout) story? Share it in the comments or repost with your own “clues from the universe.” Let’s normalize the chaos.

Stay weird. Stay loud. Stay you. ✨

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.

Rock on!

Solo Shows, Old Ghosts, and Decent Beer: A Night Out with Myself

Where I'm At

*Wall of Guitars at the Riviera Theater*

(In case you missed it, you can read my pervious post for context here : Grief, Love, and Loud Music: Why I’m Chasing a Ghost at a Rock Show)

I had a pretty good time at the Reverend Horton Heat show! By myself. My absolute only real complaint was that the seats were super small & there was no “pit”.

Before

My car has a power steering leak, but that sure as hell wasn’t about to stop me lol! I parked in a slightly sketchy spot around the corner from the venue, on the street so I could get out easily afterward.

I ended up walking a block in the other direction to pick up a pack of sneaky smokes – they didn’t have my Camels, so I settled for Marb Blacks. $15, oof! Good thing I’m not a regular smoker lol!!

Bought myself a can of Molson because they didn’t even have Budweiser at the bar (though I prefer Rolling Rock). $7 for a can of beer! But it was worth it to not have to listen to screaming children all day LOL! Had some nostalgic fun hanging out in the venue’s “patio”. It was unusually chilly, but refreshing.

During

How have I never heard of Zydeco music?!?

Nathan and the Zydeco Cha Chas were lots of fun! They encouraged everyone to get up & dance for most of their set, which was exactly what I needed! Nathan & the washboard player even wandered around the crowd & got everyone moving, & now I’m officially a fan! 🤩

RHH did their thing — solid as always — but the crowd was kind of a buzzkill. I had fun singing along to most of their songs, but everyone else at the show is such a drag, it’s absurd to me. It’s nice to see the band, but the crowd kinda ruins it for me to be honest – why go to a show if you’re not gonna dance?!? I got a shirt & a tote bag, and ducked out a little early to beat the crowd (cuz, y’know, power steering). (Oh, and because my phone was dying & I wanted to make sure I knew how to get home lol.)

Him

I didn’t see him at all. I wasn’t looking too hard, but for all I know he’s dead 😑 Or he moved to another state. Or he just wasn’t there. Or he was & I just didn’t see him. Lol. Either way…

I’m disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to at least say hi. I left still feeling a bit lost. Something’s still missing.

But yeah, I left with a mix of peace and confusion. But overall…

It was a fulfilling time. I got to feel like myself for a few hours. Lots of smiles & dancing a bit hehe ☺️

If you’ve ever chased a memory to a loud venue or danced your heart out just to feel something real — I see you.

Tell me about your favorite solo adventure, or a night that surprised you. I’d love to hear it.

And if you’re new here, hit subscribe and stick around for more stories from the edge of chaos.

Rock on. 🖤

Where I’m At #10

Where I'm At

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Well, I was planning on hosting a baby shower for my step daughter, but she hasn’t talked to anyone (myself, her father, her aunt) in like 3 weeks so we’re assuming her mom is setting something up for her. Which is unfortunate, but we can’t let it bother us. So, I don’t know what I’m planning right now lol. Hubby & I have our 6th wedding anniversary coming up, so we’ll have to figure something out for that.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : I’ve lost 10 pounds so far!!! I’ll share a separate post on that sometime soon, to share what I’ve been doing. My mind is clearing up a bit after that concert, but I still don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do lol (such is the human condition, eh?) And I’m tempted to go back to college & get my RN certification (more on that in a future post too…probably).
marriage : 6 year anniversary coming up! We’ve been doing a little better each day since we respectfully aired some grievances, so…yay!
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. BooBoo has been obsessed with toads – she even put a teeny tiny one in her unicorn makeup bag & tried to make a pet out of it lol! And Bubby is in love with the concepts of “queens” & “princesses”, and being very elegant & wearing beautiful dresses hehe!
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Freaking out as usual. Lol. I have my letter of intent submitted; so now I have to compile an IHIP. BooBoo finished Easy Peasy’s Phonics class & has started Sight Words – the placement test suggested she’s not ready for 1st grade reading, but Sight Words seems too easy for her (maybe I’ll skip a few lessons?) (I could probably use to skip some math lessons too lol). I want to start a different PK2 curricula for Bubby soon too, because I don’t think she’s catching on as much as I’m comfortable with Easy Peasy’s PK.
zenBLITZ : I NEED TO MAKE MORE TIME TO WRITE!!! Let alone create digital products & whatnot. 😭
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : All is pretty well. Lots of focus on cleaning up the yard.

Currently

eating : Mulberries, blueberries, & wild blackberries – picked fresh daily! 😋

drinking : Lime water, coffee, wine

watching : Music videos

reading : I gave up on “Everything is Fucked” for now. Thinking about picking up “How to Win Friends & Influence People” (a classic) or “The Whole Brain Child. Not sure yet. (Any suggestions?!? 😉)

playing : Dolls with my kids

buying : Cheap plants from a local greenhouse

listening to : 90’s punk & ska, hehe

celebrating : 6 years of marriage, 8 years of dating!

pinning : journaling, self care, pretty colorful pics

planning : anniversary

feeling : ok

Where are you at? Let me know in the comments!

Rock on!!

Grief, Love, and Loud Music: Why I’m Chasing a Ghost at a Rock Show

Where I'm At

I feel the need to revisit a topic I wrote about a couple months ago, because I’ve since had a lot of thoughts floating around my head.

I wrote then about my friend who felt that he was in love with me; and as much as I absolutely loved the shit out of him, I never wanted more than a friendship.

We haven’t seen or talked to each other in over a decade.

But he’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. To the point where I’m going alone to a concert he’ll probably be at (if he even still lives around here) – not just to see if I can pull anything from the ashes, but also so I can get the fuck away from screaming children & feel like a human for a few hours LOL. (I’m literally trying to write this right now with screaming children running around because I haven’t had time to work on anything. I can practically feel the smoke coming out of my ears.)

The Past

Over the last couple months, a ton of old memories have been flooding back. And there was a lot of love there. Like, a LOT. I never even realized a lot of the things I do now because I was so young (in my 20’s), and always so scared of losing him.

I always worried so much about him cuz he was always dealing with so much stress, and I wanted to be there for him as much as I possibly could. I still do.

He had such an adorable smile, and he gave great hugs. I loved talking to him because he was so different from me, yet still so similar. He was encouraging, flattering, and really really sweet. Not to mention resilient as fuck, and I admired the hell out of that. He’s always been one of my absolute favorite people I’ve ever known.

He was also pretty brutal at times. (Though, isn’t everyone?) I loved him too much for that to scare me off…until he blatantly told me to fuck off. So…that sucked.

The Present

I’ve moved on with my life. I hardly thought about him for a long time – Just fleeting thoughts, wondering how he’s doing, wishing he were around to share bits of my life with. Overall, I was too busy living.

I don’t know what sparked him back in my mind. I really don’t.

I’ve noticed that grief works in cycles, at least for me. Part of me thinks this might just be my brain still grieving the relationship we had. Especially since I never fully understood why we don’t still have that.

Little random things keep happening too, that remind me of him. Which makes me wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. Which might be silly. But it also might not.

The Future

So, I’m going to see Reverend Horton Heat. He introduced me to them a million years ago, and they’ve since become my favorite driving tunes.

I won’t get my hopes up about him being there. But they kinda are, I’m not gonna lie. lol

I won’t get my hopes up about him being happy to see me. But I don’t really care (not gonna lie). If he’s not, I’ll still enjoy the show. And a couple beers. And no screaming children.

I just don’t want to waste any more time. I hate wasting time, cuz tomorrow is never promised and the “ALS gene time bomb” ticks louder in my ear every year.

If there’s ever anything I can do about anything, I always want to do it now.

And it’s so hard to connect with people these days, especially since COVID – I’d rather hold onto those I know I love, while I can.

Life’s too damn short to wonder what if forever.

If you’ve got someone on your mind lately — a friend, a flame, or even a ghost — maybe this is your nudge to reach out.

✨ Drop a comment if you’ve ever chased closure, connection, or just needed a night to feel alive again. I’m listening.

And hey, wish me luck. Either way. 🍻

Overcoming Writer’s Block During a Mental Sh*tstorm

Uncategorized

I’ve really been struggling with what to write on here lately. My brain has been clouded with a bit of a shitstorm, & I’ve needed some time to see if the chaos settles.

It’s been months. I’m lucky I had a backlog of posts to ride on, but that well is just about dry. So… now what?!

Brainstorming

If you’re in a similar boat, let’s ask ourselves some questions :

Thinking : What’s been on your mind lately? What have you been thinking about a lot?
Feeling : How have you been feeling? That could be channeled into a “topic” post or a “how to deal with” article.
Knowing : What do you know in your soul during this chapter of your life? Or…what have you been learning about recently that you could share with others?

Ramble

Just roll with it. That’s what I’m doing right now, LOL! Roll with it until you hit the bottom — or better yet, a breakthrough. Set a timer if you want. Clean it up tomorrow, or next week. Just get something going.

Ask AI

Just about everyone does it these days. AI bots like ChatGPT & Claude are great at not only cleaning up fragmented thoughts, but even at prompting you to expand on your ideas. It’s not cheating if you don’t copy & paste AI-generated content.

The most important part. Even if it sucks, even if you’re scared. Everyone’s got an audience & a community, and sharing helps us all find each other.

Writer’s block sucks, but you’re not alone — and you don’t have to be perfect to be heard. So hit publish, and let it out. Your people will get it.

🔥 Drop your favorite writer’s block hacks in the comments. Or just tell me what you’ve been avoiding writing. Let’s unblock together.

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.

Rock on!

Plot Twists : An Edgy Guide to Fighting (or Befriending) Your Misery

Uncategorized

Embrace the Mess

Lately, I just want to crawl under a pile of pillows & blankets & disappear. After pushing through an intense amount of drama for over two years…I’m exhausted! I feel like a bounce house with a hole in it – no matter how much air I put in, it just won’t fill up.

To add to the stress, my past trauma has been slapping me in the face recently too. Because, as everyone who’s dealt with any sort of trauma knows (which is everyone, eventually) – healing is cyclical. You never fully heal, you cycle through periods of it being in your face, then growing through the pain, then carrying on with your life, and back around over the course of years. The goal is just to not let it consume your life.

(This is my warning for my posts this month – I am super behind, because I’m really struggling to find my own peace right now. It is what it is.)

Truth is, I didn’t fail at self-care (& neither are you if you’re feeling a similar way). We’re all human – occasionally stressed, foggy, & worn out from life’s latest plot twist. This article definitely isn’t about toxic positivity; it’s about looking for tools that work.

Suffering is like whack a mole – “Every time you knock down one kind of pain, another one pops up. And the faster you whack them, the faster they come back.” “Everything is fucked. It always has been and always will be… it’s time we stop running from that and, instead, embrace it.” (Mark Manson, Everything is Fucked)

Name Your Nemesis

In my experience, depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin – while one may be “face up”, the other is still…there.

Sadness / Apathy = depression = fixation on the past

Fear = anxiety = fixation on the future

Different beasts require different weapons…

Choose Your Battle : Acceptance or Rebellion

Write it out : What’s bothering you? Could it be trying to tell you something useful? Can you control any aspect of it? If yes, what can you do to improve the situation? If no, how can you work to accept the situation without letting it consume you?

10 Rebel Approved Rituals to Recharge Your Soul

Midnight hikes. An endorphin boost from the peace & quiet of solitude. Plus, everything looks different at night. (Just please be safe!)
Messy art sessions. No rules, no judgment. The messier the better!
Silent 24-hour retreat. Stare down & battle your inner monologue.
Cold plunge shock. Jolt your nervous system awake.
Face down pillow burial. Embrace the collapse…& then rise from the ashes.
Journal as a witness. Be an active observer of your life
Identity cigarette moment. Reclaim a bit of yourself…mindfully. (Not a health tip, just some raw honesty. – I quit smoking 6 years ago. But I’ve had a pack of Camels for over 3 years now lol – & I only smoke maybe once or twice a year. It was such a strong part of my identity, so I enjoy indulging once in a while. And the “7th grade body buzz” is a trip too LOL iykyk)
Stoic love swap. Replace anger or fear with acts or thoughts of love.
Micro hobby project. Crochet, blogging, coding, whatever. Bonus points if you can make some money off it.
X detox. Get off your phone / distract yourself from picking fights on X (why are you even on X anymore? Nevermind, I’m not here to judge lol)

Self-Acceptance and Self Love Reminders

Core creed : Do whatever you want in life, just don’t hurt anyone (including yourself)
Happiness formula (Rita Mae Brown) : someone to love + something to do + something to look forward to
When your brain literally won’t cooperate, focus on the basics – exercise, sleep, journaling, learning, & progress. Progress isn’t linear, & simplicity always wins.

Build Your Own “Emotional First Aid Kit”

Mix & match from the suggestions above – see what works for you at different times & for different situations. Keep track of tried & true ideas in your journal for future reference.

The Ever-Unfinished Experiment

Self improvement & personal growth isn’t a chore – it’s your rebellion.

Check out this article I really liked : Feeling Lost and Unmotivated? Read This.

💬 What’s in your personal emotional first aid kit?

I’d love to hear what weird, wild, or wonderful tools help you climb out of the fog. Drop a comment below, share this with a friend who needs it, or subscribe if you haven’t yet — more rebel resources are on the way.

Stay weird. Stay kind. Stay you. 💀✨

Rock on!