Where I’m At #10

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Well, I was planning on hosting a baby shower for my step daughter, but she hasn’t talked to anyone (myself, her father, her aunt) in like 3 weeks so we’re assuming her mom is setting something up for her. Which is unfortunate, but we can’t let it bother us. So, I don’t know what I’m planning right now lol. Hubby & I have our 6th wedding anniversary coming up, so we’ll have to figure something out for that.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : I’ve lost 10 pounds so far!!! I’ll share a separate post on that sometime soon, to share what I’ve been doing. My mind is clearing up a bit after that concert, but I still don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do lol (such is the human condition, eh?) And I’m tempted to go back to college & get my RN certification (more on that in a future post too…probably).
marriage : 6 year anniversary coming up! We’ve been doing a little better each day since we respectfully aired some grievances, so…yay!
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. BooBoo has been obsessed with toads – she even put a teeny tiny one in her unicorn makeup bag & tried to make a pet out of it lol! And Bubby is in love with the concepts of “queens” & “princesses”, and being very elegant & wearing beautiful dresses hehe!
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Freaking out as usual. Lol. I have my letter of intent submitted; so now I have to compile an IHIP. BooBoo finished Easy Peasy’s Phonics class & has started Sight Words – the placement test suggested she’s not ready for 1st grade reading, but Sight Words seems too easy for her (maybe I’ll skip a few lessons?) (I could probably use to skip some math lessons too lol). I want to start a different PK2 curricula for Bubby soon too, because I don’t think she’s catching on as much as I’m comfortable with Easy Peasy’s PK.
zenBLITZ : I NEED TO MAKE MORE TIME TO WRITE!!! Let alone create digital products & whatnot. 😭
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : All is pretty well. Lots of focus on cleaning up the yard.

Currently

eating : Mulberries, blueberries, & wild blackberries – picked fresh daily! 😋

drinking : Lime water, coffee, wine

watching : Music videos

reading : I gave up on “Everything is Fucked” for now. Thinking about picking up “How to Win Friends & Influence People” (a classic) or “The Whole Brain Child. Not sure yet. (Any suggestions?!? 😉)

playing : Dolls with my kids

buying : Cheap plants from a local greenhouse

listening to : 90’s punk & ska, hehe

celebrating : 6 years of marriage, 8 years of dating!

pinning : journaling, self care, pretty colorful pics

planning : anniversary

feeling : ok

Where are you at? Let me know in the comments!

Rock on!!

Grief, Love, and Loud Music: Why I’m Chasing a Ghost at a Rock Show

Where I'm At

I feel the need to revisit a topic I wrote about a couple months ago, because I’ve since had a lot of thoughts floating around my head.

I wrote then about my friend who felt that he was in love with me; and as much as I absolutely loved the shit out of him, I never wanted more than a friendship.

We haven’t seen or talked to each other in over a decade.

But he’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. To the point where I’m going alone to a concert he’ll probably be at (if he even still lives around here) – not just to see if I can pull anything from the ashes, but also so I can get the fuck away from screaming children & feel like a human for a few hours LOL. (I’m literally trying to write this right now with screaming children running around because I haven’t had time to work on anything. I can practically feel the smoke coming out of my ears.)

The Past

Over the last couple months, a ton of old memories have been flooding back. And there was a lot of love there. Like, a LOT. I never even realized a lot of the things I do now because I was so young (in my 20’s), and always so scared of losing him.

I always worried so much about him cuz he was always dealing with so much stress, and I wanted to be there for him as much as I possibly could. I still do.

He had such an adorable smile, and he gave great hugs. I loved talking to him because he was so different from me, yet still so similar. He was encouraging, flattering, and really really sweet. Not to mention resilient as fuck, and I admired the hell out of that. He’s always been one of my absolute favorite people I’ve ever known.

He was also pretty brutal at times. (Though, isn’t everyone?) I loved him too much for that to scare me off…until he blatantly told me to fuck off. So…that sucked.

The Present

I’ve moved on with my life. I hardly thought about him for a long time – Just fleeting thoughts, wondering how he’s doing, wishing he were around to share bits of my life with. Overall, I was too busy living.

I don’t know what sparked him back in my mind. I really don’t.

I’ve noticed that grief works in cycles, at least for me. Part of me thinks this might just be my brain still grieving the relationship we had. Especially since I never fully understood why we don’t still have that.

Little random things keep happening too, that remind me of him. Which makes me wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. Which might be silly. But it also might not.

The Future

So, I’m going to see Reverend Horton Heat. He introduced me to them a million years ago, and they’ve since become my favorite driving tunes.

I won’t get my hopes up about him being there. But they kinda are, I’m not gonna lie. lol

I won’t get my hopes up about him being happy to see me. But I don’t really care (not gonna lie). If he’s not, I’ll still enjoy the show. And a couple beers. And no screaming children.

I just don’t want to waste any more time. I hate wasting time, cuz tomorrow is never promised and the “ALS gene time bomb” ticks louder in my ear every year.

If there’s ever anything I can do about anything, I always want to do it now.

And it’s so hard to connect with people these days, especially since COVID – I’d rather hold onto those I know I love, while I can.

Life’s too damn short to wonder what if forever.

If you’ve got someone on your mind lately — a friend, a flame, or even a ghost — maybe this is your nudge to reach out.

✨ Drop a comment if you’ve ever chased closure, connection, or just needed a night to feel alive again. I’m listening.

And hey, wish me luck. Either way. 🍻

Winter Zine 2025

Zines

Here’s my zine for this winter – If you’d like a copy, just print & cut according to these instructions! Enjoy!!

Punk Rock Guidelines for Manifesting a Life You Love

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While daydreaming & scripting may make your wishes feel more attainable, nothing is going to get you where you want to be quite like actually doing something about it. Here are some punk rock guidelines to consider when manifesting a life you love.

Define your vision of success for your life

Nevermind what society, family, friends, acquaintances, or that guy at work who’s always looking at you funny thinks. What makes you feel fulfilled?

Find radical focus & clarity

No fluffy BS – Get crystal clear about your vision of an ideal life. You could even try making a vision board with only things that truly resonate with your authentic self.

Embrace selective apathy to remain focused

Be picky with what you give a fuck about – You may find that you stress yourself out about stupid shit, when you could be focused on making progress toward your goals in life.

Manifest by doing, not waiting

Scripting & visualization are good starting points for an action plan. Just make sure you do the work by taking action on the plan. Small steps daily add up to huge changes in the long run – “It doesn’t matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop” – Confucius

Create an “I don’t care, I’m doing it anyway” list

Make a list of things you’re sick of putting off for “a more opportune time” or “more research”, & commit to trying one thing for each month of the year.

Reframe past failures into fuel

“Whatever doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.” While that’s a load of crap half the time, you have to try to spin as much of the BS life throws at you as possible. Look for lessons to learn & ways to grow through tough times.

Edit your life’s playlist

Just like a playlist of your favorite music is unique to you, so is your life. Choose which “tracks” you’d like to “play” more or less often, such as your education, career, hobbies, & relationships, and create a lifestyle that is authentic to you.

Stay true to your vision

Whatever you set your intention to, stay stubborn in accomplishing it. Commit to the fact that any obstacle can be overcome, you just need to figure out how.

“Act as if”

Embody the ideal you’re striving for now. Today, & every day. If you want to be an artist, live as an artist would in your eyes, & create something daily. “Fake it til you make it”, if you must (that’s what most people do!)

Celebrate the little things

Be sure to acknowledge your progress with pride. Every step forward is a step in the right direction!

Conclusion

Actively create a life you love – Dream it, do it, own it, & revel in it. Every chance you get.

Which ideas resonated most with you? Let me know in the comments!

Rock & Reggae at Spring Lake Winery

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As last-minute weekend plans, Hubby stumbled across a “rock and reggae” concert at Spring Lake Winery in Lockport NY. He was just looking for a wine tasting, but when he mentioned this little festival, I puked rainbows!! 😄

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Everyone was directed in through a dirt road. Which turned into a brutal mud road the night before the event, so I was pretty glad we brought Hubby’s truck. And then, to get from the parking lot to the festival site, you had to walk through their vineyard. Which was really cool except for the gash I got in the side of my foot from a stabby piece of grass.

It was a lot of fun. Food & drink prices weren’t absurd. We had brunch (Chimche? I think it was called) and dinner (Italian Beef) at Ms Judi’s International Food Truck; both were super good, as was (mama) Loose Cannon‘s Hippie Bread (Hubby bought 3 slices!! lol)! The event also included a few lawn games (giant Jenga & Kan Jam being the ones I saw), and the freedom to wander their trail by the lake & through some trees (my back was bothering me too much to adventure off on it, but I really wanted to).

Hab

They also offered hot air balloon rides for a little while. They were a little bit pricey in my opinion, considering they were stationery (only went up & down), but I’m sure I’m just cheap & it really wasn’t a bad price, lol! ($20 / person). Still a super cool thing to see, and quite a few people went up in it too!

Starting with my favorite band of the show…

ballyhoo

Ballyhoo! Before the show even started, we were scoping out their merch stand & chatting with their merch dude (wish I remembered his name!) We ended up buying him drinks cuz he was pretty cool. The band itself was, in my opinion, the best act that night. Fun, ska-punk inspired music, & lots of audience interaction. After their set, Hubby wanted to go meet them, so we did. Apparently the lead singer is also a huge Green Day fan, & they played a song off Insomniac during their set, & I even had my 21CB tote bag with me, & it matched one of his tattoos!! LOL (Sorry, I geeked out a little there!) So… he took that awesome pic of us at the beginning of this post. And it was awesome. I’m sold on Ballyhoo. Rock on, gentlemen! lol

Tropidelic was pretty fun, too. They were my second favorite act.

Badfish comes in third, tying with these last couple of bands. I seen them years ago, & I wasn’t impressed; nothing’s really changed. They cover Sublime’s music really well, but I just never vibe any enthusiasm except for the trombone player, & he has enough to do lol. They were the final act of the evening, of course, & it was nice ending the night singing along to Sublime.

Keith James, a cool local dude who was apparently on The Voice, was really good, despite the tiny audience. He did, like, rock covers of Backstreet Boys & TLC. He’s got a great voice, & I wish more people would’ve seen his set!

Besides Badfish, Handsome Jack was the only band name I recognized before the show. And I have no clue why, except that he’s local. I wasn’t really feelin’ most of their seemingly more rock influenced songs, but they were alright. The chick at their merch stand was cool!

To finish the event, starting at the end of Badfish’s encore, the winery blew off fireworks in a clearing outside the vineyard. It was a perfect end to the evening!

SKA LIVES!!

It was a really awesome day, especially for the $25 ticket price. I love the vibe of ska shows – the people are always super awesome!! Spring Lake Winery was a great host for this type of event, & I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on them from now on, lol!

What concerts have you been to this summer? Let’s chat in the comments!

And don’t forget to check out the new items popping up in my shop!!!