Where I’m at #14

*Found a lot of Halloween fun this year hehe*

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Trying not to plan too much this month lol! I do need to figure out what we’re doing for Turkey Day though – not sure if my step daughter wants to come over or if she wants us to go over there…or if she wants us to piss off for that matter LOL. I always do ham, sausage stuffing, green bean casserole, & homemade mashed potatoes with homemade gravy…that’s all I care about 😜 (well, she does the casserole, & certainly better than I ever could! hehe)
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Ugh. Struggling a bit – “Chaos” has returned, & I’m certainly not recovered from the last round of it. Weight loss has slowed a bit because it’s hearty meal season and we’ve been too busy for me to stick to my exercise routine as strictly as I’ve been – I’ll figure it out though. When all else fails, prioritize self care! Oh, and we’ve all caught a cold. Shocker. 🤪
marriage : This is the “chaos”; nobody’s fault though, just a bit of a struggle. We’re working on figuring it out.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are doing well! Except Bubby threw Booboo’s tablet at her the other night & cut a little gash in her forehead (for someone who worked in an ER, I have an extremely low tolerance for blood…especially if it’s seeping from one of my precious little spawn LOL) – It bled quite a little bit, but it wasn’t anything that would require stitches. Bubby still feels really bad & has been catering to Booboo’s every whim LOL
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : School’s going well. Booboo’s progressing on pace; she gets super frustrated sometimes, but she understands everything just fine. She’s just…me, LOL. I’ve still gotta figure out how to fit in Playing Preschool year 2 for Bubby, especially since we’re nearing the end of Easy Peasy PreK, & she’s still a little “behind”. Which is fine! She actually understands Booboo’s level of math quite a bit, which is impressive!! 😊
zenBLITZ : Hopefully I can get my head straight enough to write up some good posts soon! And work on my novella! The past month though, I crocheted a Barbie blanket for a practice project, & started a massive baby blanket for my step granddaughter hehehe ❤️
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Yeah, whatever. LOL

Currently

eating – Soups!! Most recently : my magic chicken soup, Italian sausage soup, & cabbage roll soup 🍲 😋

drinking – Barefoot Pinot Grigio (why?!?), Flora Adora Gin lemonade cocktails (whyyy?!? LOL) 🍸

watching – Game shows. I love me some 1% Club & The Floor hehe

reading – The Last Time They Met by Anita Shreve. Have I mentioned this yet? It was on the library “discard” shelf, & it sounded kind of interesting, so I thought I’d save it from the recycling bin. I’ve enjoyed it so far (I’m only about 1/4 the way through), though it is a bit slow & dry…LOL.

playing – Nothing, really. Though I ordered the original Tomb Raider for hubby, & it should be coming today. So maybe I’ll be playing that a little bit. I’d probably rather play Fable though heh

buying – Xmas gifts. And bday gifts for hubby & Bubby. Never too early to stock up!

listening to – Foxboro Hot Tubs at the moment 🤩🎸

celebrating – Thanksgiving?

pinning – tattoo inspo, pretty seasonal backgrounds, & crochet

planning – to keep my shit together lol

feeling – Kinda BLAH!

Where are you at? Let’s chat in the comments!! 💚

Rock on! 🤘🏻

Writing My Way Through Memory: The Novella That Found Me

Novella

Some stories don’t ask permission — they just show up, unpack their bags, and move into your head. This one’s been living rent-free in mine for months, and I finally gave in and started writing.

So I started writing a novella a couple months ago. I’ve mentioned it here briefly, but my current lack of motivation to work on blog posts is making me think it might be worth sharing chapters of this very alive story from time to time, and I thought I’d prepare you all for that! 😆

It’s not fully planned out, and it’s still very much in progress. It’s very raw & personal. It’s about the friend I’ve mentioned that I’ve been missing a lot lately. (Well, the first part of it is about him, & things that actually happened.) – I just appreciate giving a little more life to our relationship, and honoring what we had. Cuz it was pretty epic.

So I hope you’ll enjoy the ride as I work on it occasionally. (Don’t worry, my “regular” content will still be the primary focus on my blog. – This is just a “side quest”, if you will.)

The Spark That Wouldn’t STFU

About a year ago now, someone said something that reminded me of an old friend, and all kinds of memories came flooding back about him. Relentlessly, because I was starting to feel some burnout from a situation I’d been dealing with for a couple years prior.

He was always a source of love, comfort, & valuable perspective, even when he was dealing with his own struggles. He was someone I respected, admired, & adored immensely. His resilience & strength fed into my own and helped shape the woman I grew to be, even while he wasn’t around.

We never dated; our love was always platonic (though we probably would’ve jumped on each other if given the opportunity!!) I never felt that I was capable of loving him the way he needed & deserved, and I think he felt the same way. I always felt that friendship was definitely better than nothing, and I still would have his back forever if he’d let me.

He ghosted me after a misunderstanding that he apparently didn’t want to work out. Which was the worst heartbreak of my life, if I’m being completely honest.

With all those memories flooding back, along came the same unresolved grief I’d experienced over ten years ago but with a more mature perspective.

So I decided to try to turn it into something as beautifully chaotic as it is. Maybe it’ll help me find more peace with the situation, maybe not. But it deserves it’s tiny place in literary history, cuz it was a hell of a ride!

A Glimpse at the Story

Fair warning – the characters are ACCIDENTALLY named Jack & Sally. I say accidentally because he’s a fan of Nightmare Before Christmas, and that’s not at all what the names are in reference to lol! When trying to think of names, I decided the girl’s name would be Sally because that was my “pen name” online back then (because of the Foxboro Hot Tubs’ song by that name). Jack struck me as an “edgy guy name”. And then I realized what I had done…and decided not to care!

Ultimately, the story will follow Jack & Sally from when they met, and throughout decades. Obviously, a fair amount of the beginning is based on real memories, while the latter parts will drift into fiction based on experiences with other people in my life, including a little tragedy (which I wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially “Jack”). For the most part though, it’s somewhere between a fun, lighthearted love story, and a reckoning.

Coffee, Chaos, and Chapter Two (And a Half)

So far, writing it has been a treat! I’ve really enjoyed reminiscing about how sweet & fun that relationship was. It’s really been filling my heart with the same love I felt back then.

I’m only about 2½ chapters in at this point. A couple spots were tough to figure out how to put together, but I think I managed. Everything that’s in there is in there for a reason.

I’m learning just how emotionally stoic I tend to be. And how passionate he tended to be. Which could balance us at times, and throw us extremely off balance at other times.

I’ve also realized just how much we genuinely loved each other. Which makes the heartache suck even more now than it did back then.

When do I find time to write? Mostly in the mornings, after I finish my essential focus work, and only if I don’t have a blog post to work on. In other words, rarely. But once I get started, I never wanna stop – I wish I could work on it all day every day! ❤️

The Heart Behind the Words

This story isn’t just a recall of events, but more of an extension of my life philosophy & heart. Lots of emotional territory will get explored, from love to loss, to healing & rebellion & a sense of identity (even when that gets shaken).

I’ll be sharing bits and pieces here as I go — maybe some full chapters, maybe just thoughts from the process. So if you like watching a story come alive in real time, stick around. This one’s going to be interesting.

What would you like to see — more “behind the scenes” posts or the chapters themselves?

And tell me this: what kind of stories haunt your mind until you write them down?

Let’s chat in the comments.

If this post resonated, give it a like, share it with a friend, and subscribe for more messy, heartfelt creative chaos.

Rock on. 🤘

Where I’m at #13

Where I'm At

“Where I’m at” posts are just updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Halloween fun is coming up! Trunk or Treat, pumpkin farm, and so on. Hopefully. My birthday’s coming up too – I’d really like to get some tattoos (hubby’s not too pleased about it, but I don’t care lol.) (My goal as a kid was to get a tattoo every year for my birthday. I went poor before I even hit 21, so I’ve got some making up to do lol!)
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Egh… I’ve lost almost 20 pounds so far, so I’m pretty excited about that!!! I look & feel a lot better than I did at the beginning of the year, so that’s something to be proud of! Allergy season has been pretty hellish, as usual. Mentally, I’m still struggling a bit. Lots going on in my life, and in my mind in general. But I’m doing ok. I noticed that, for me, generalized depression & anxiety are 2 sides of the same coin, meaning that while one side is facing up, the other is still there – as a kid, depression was face up; in my 20’s and 30’s, it was anxiety (which I find easier to deal with most of the time); and starting this year, I’m finding it’s flipped to depression again. It’s ok though – lots of self care & I’ll manage just fine.
marriage : Things are ok. Little bit of a rough patch this month due to stress getting the best of us, but “endure, and keep yourselves for times of happiness”, and we’re gradually doing better.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. We’ll be switching BooBoo back to gymnastics, per her request; I think she’ll benefit a lot more from it than she was doing at the dojo she’d been attending for karate. Bubby’s excited that she’ll be able to practice techniques with her more, since they’ll be learning similar things.
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Well, my original IHIP for BooBoo wasn’t accepted because it apparently wasn’t detailed enough, but the revised version was all good, so…yay! She’s loving school (even though she inevitably gives me a hard time during classes heh!) Bubby’s getting more interested in learning to read, and she’s picking up on a lot of new things, so that’s awesome. She was even working on subtraction problems in a Kindergarten workbook we have, which is super awesome!!! 🥲
zenBLITZ : Still loving my blog. I’m enjoying writing about whatever’s been on my mind, and I’m enjoying working on my fiction (ish) novella when I can. Social media sucks balls though!!! 😂
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : All good. Well enough, I should say. I’m already thoroughly enjoying soup season hehehe!

Currently

eating – SOUP!! 😋

drinking – Barefoot Zinfandel, warm lemon water

watching – I haven’t really been into too many shows lately. Twisted Metal & You are still favorites. I like Joel McHale as the host of the 1% Club, and I absolutely loathe Martin Short as host of Match Game (come back, Alec!! 😭)

reading – “The Last Time They Met”, by Anita Shreve (it’s a little dry so far). Finished “One Italian Summer” last month – it was good, kinda interesting premise, but a bit too drawn out for me to ever want to read it again lol

playing – Nothing, really

buying – Everything in Spirit Halloween LOL

listening to – At this particular second, “21 Guns” by Green Day

celebrating – My birthday, I guess 😅, Halloween

pinning – “Free Spirit”, “Funny Shit”, & “Food”

planning – On getting some tattoos and maybe going to the casino buffet for my birthday

feeling – Egh. Whatever. lol

Where I’m at #9

Where I'm At

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Hm. I’m not much of a planner anymore, heh. Normally I’d be all about adventures this time of year, but we don’t have much time to work with because of homeschool & kids’ extracurricular activities. Next party we’re due for is Tie Dye, but only one of my invited guests is gonna be able to make it…I think (which is fine cuz SiL’s my fave lol) – I’m looking forward to dying some onesies for my step granddaughter hehe. Then BooBoo’s bestie’s bday party is gonna be at some bumper car thing, so that should be fun. And I’m hoping to go to a concert by myself later in the month (cuz OMFG I need some “me” time!!! And I need to see if my old friend is still around…cuz I miss him too much…)
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Hmmm… I’m hanging in there. I’ve been on a pretty strict but enjoyable diet & exercise routine, and I’ve lost about 5 lbs the past month! More importantly – I feel pretty great (except my scoliosis is pretty mad at me, but whatever heh). My mind’s been a bit chaotic though, to be honest. Lots swirling around my mind – been trying to get it to go somewhere, but it’s still fighting with me. (Shouldn’t force it, I know. Meditate & be patient, I know.)
marriage : Doing pretty well! Trying. He’s been doing pretty good, & I’ve been trying to support that. I’m just glad things are finally settling down after the chaos we’ve been navigating together the past couple years.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are…kids. LOL. Small children are terrorists, I swear (is my blog being flagged for using that word?!? LOL) Everyone has their cycles – they’re in a particularly challenging time right now lol
teacher (K & PK) : Oh boy. Among thoughts swirling & not going anywhere productive is homeschool. I’ve got so much to do, & I want to do so much more, but I have to find time to do it, and…AAAGH! Plus, I’ve gotta get all the legal stuff situated for BooBoo to go into first grade – yippie skippie hehe. They’re doing good, though. BooBoo can read like a champ at this point, & she’s been really enjoying working on math more. Bubby’s starting to identify more letters & numbers, so I guess patience is key with dyslexia (though we’re not completely sure if she’s dyslexic or just stubborn heh). Both girls are enjoying the KiwiBox Tinker Crate, where they have to assemble their toys & understand how they work before they use them (yay STEM! lol)
zB : Ugggggh. (Sorry for all the frustration LOL!) I’m sick of writing SEO optimized, audience focused, butter & sugar bullshit content. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve written, but… While algorithms & Google trends love articles like “26 ways to be more vibrant than Blippi”, I’m kinda making myself nauseous lol. I’d like to maintain the edgy self help bend, but not exclusively. Entertainment, community…and whatever’s truly on my mind at the time – that’s where I’d like zenBLITZ to head from here on.
homemaker : Fuck all that. Like, all of it. LOL. No…finances are fine, cleaning isn’t as important as other things, yardwork is my jam when it’s not fucking raining, and that’s it. I refuse to make travel plans until the skoolie is ready to go, & it’s very much not, so…

Currently

eating : Lots of fucking salads! LOL

drinking : Water, wine, & coffee

watching : Poker Face is pretty good. And Twisted Metal. Younger, of course.

reading : Still working on “Everything is Fucked” by Mark Manson, but I’m struggling to find time for it lately

playing : with the kiddos

buying : stuff to tie dye

listening to : All kinds of stuff I forgot I liked!

celebrating : Summer!!!

pinning : Green Day, homeschool, exercise

planning : Tie Dye party, baby shower

feeling : Unsure…

Where I’m At #3

Where I'm At

“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life. Any particular goals I’m working on will be highlighted, so you can easily see what I’m actively working on improving (and see that I do try to practice what I preach). Leave a comment & give me ideas for things you’d like to see me write individual posts about!

planner : Trying to refresh my whole system ahead of the new year because I feel a bit stagnant. I’m testing out a simplified morning routine, a more insight driven journaling routine, and a more simplified goal planning system.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Ugh. So my whole family had COVID for a week or so, right? I had worse symptoms than everyone else (I’ll spare you the details lol), and then I developed a sinus infection, which I’m still dealing with. So, everything’s a bit blah for me right now, but I’m trying to take it a bit easy while also trying to get back on track with everything.
marriage (relationship & libido) : We’re doing alright. I’ve been too sick to focus much on us, but we’re getting through it.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The kids are still a bit sneezy & tired, but tis the season lol.
teacher (K & PK) : The girls are doing great with school! BooBoo hates phonics, but she enjoys surprising herself when she can read certain longer words! Bubby can pretty much count to 20, & is working beyond that already! And her fine motor skills haven’t gotten pretty impressive!!!
zB : I’m pretty proud of the progress I’ve made with my passion project 🥰 I have my business plan all situated, and goals set for next year. I’m excited to see where this journey will take me, & I hope you’re excited to join me!!
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Yeahh. Lol. Finances are doing good! I’ve been testing Betterment’s high interest savings & investment accounts, and I’m pretty pleased! (I’m interested in other options too though, if anyone wants to share!) Everything else is kind of…unimportant right now. Except for Xmas decor hehehe!
witch : Nothing going on here. I’ve just been trying to meditate my way through my sicknesses.
reseller : Effortlessly made a couple sales on eBay, but I’m not really doing anything here either.

On an additional note, Frontier DSL has been the bane of my existence for the past couple of weeks. Well, Frontier in general, really.

Currently

eating : soup! 🍜

drinking : tea ☕

watching : YouTube, cuz I can’t stream anything else with how terrible my internet’s been! Lots of Moe Sargi, and some bigfoot videos lol

reading : Nothing. I keep trying to read the 4 Hour Workweek, but I just get so burned out on it!

playing : Bingo Showdown & Candy Crush

buying : Xmas gifts! And bday gifts for hubby & bubby!

listening to : YouTube

celebrating : Xmas, Yule, & bdays!

pinning : yoga, Green Day, homeschool

planning on taking it a bit easy so I can heal

feeling : Sicky 😫

Where are you at right now? Let me know in the comments below!!

Where I’m At #2

Where I'm At

planner : I keep toying with the idea of analog planners, but they’re so impractical for me right now! I miss my Happy Planner & my bullet journal, but everything’s still working so well for me on Notion that it doesn’t make sense to fix something that isn’t broken! I did create a horizontal weekly layout with a memo section for my mini Happy Planner, but I mostly use it to get a focused overview of my appointments, goals, & meals for the week. I guess it helps gain some perspective.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Not much going on here, except for with my diet. I’m trying to follow a “mindful eating schedule” I created with ChatGPT. I like it a lot so far, but I have some trouble with tired / stress eating around dinner time. For example, I may have eaten too many brownies this evening & kinda wanna crawl into a hole right now lol oops. Progress, not perfection – I will try not to do that again tomorrow!
marriage (relationship & libido) ; Going pretty good. I’ve been enjoying working on improving my libido, and working with sexual energy more in my life. Hubby’s enjoying the journey too lol! Next week I will try out the “Radical Intimacy” course on DailyOm, and I’ll let you know how it goes
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The little monsters are good. BooBoo is starting to read like a pro, and Bubby still loves her dolls. Both girls want Furbits for Xmas (😱)
teacher (K & PK) : School has been going pretty well. I love ChatGPT for helping me with ideas for lesson plans!
zB : I’ve been enjoying my writing journey quite a bit, and I’m learning a lot! I love it!!
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Still gotta plan a little family cabin trip. Hopefully I can get that situated this week. Working on a cool “Friendsgiving” party for this month (charcuterie board & board / card games), and a chill family Thanksgiving dinner.
witch : Nothing going on here. I celebrated Samhain with a day full of journaling though, which was very much needed.
reseller : BLAH! Still mad at resale, still haven’t done anything about it.

Currently

eating : Brownies lol

drinking : Rosé, lime water, coffee with pumpkin spice creamer & occasionally a shot of Trader Vic’s Macadamia Nut Liqueur 😋

watching : Outer Banks, Nobody Wants This, Agatha All Along (OMG I love it lol)

reading : Good Morning Good Life by Amy Landino

playing : Bingo Showdown & Candy Crush Saga

buying : Nothing, so help me god

listening to : Green Day, Reverend Horton Heat, Lofi, other stuff my family members hate LOL (though I did sing Barbie Girl in the car with BooBoo the one day, that was pretty cool hehehe ☺️)

celebrating : the rest & reflection time of year nearing

pinning : self care, Green Day, planners, Xmas, crochet

planning : Thanksgiving & Friendsgiving

feeling : tired! Hopeful, stressed

Where are you at? Let’s chat in the comments!!!