Sometimes, the way we view our circumstances can either propel us forward or hold us back. It’s not about dismissing how we truly feel but about finding a perspective that’s more useful, more productive, and ultimately more empowering.
The Power of Perspective
Life is rarely black and white. The same situation can feel overwhelming or manageable, depending on the lens through which we view it. For example, a setback at work might initially feel like a failure, but shifting your perspective can reveal it as an opportunity to learn, grow, or even pivot in a new direction.
The key is to acknowledge your emotions without letting them dictate your entire outlook. It’s okay to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even stuck. But once you’ve processed those feelings, ask yourself: Is there another way to look at this?
When my ex left after nearly 11 years, I was understandably devastated for a week or so – Then I realized that, while we were meant to be together for a time, we’d definitely pushed it beyond its “best by date”.
Why Perspective Matters
Perspective shapes our reality. When we’re stuck in a negative mindset, it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt or inaction. But when we consciously choose to reframe our thoughts, we open ourselves up to new possibilities.
For instance, instead of thinking, “I’ll never get this right,” try, “This is challenging, but I’m learning something valuable.” This subtle shift doesn’t erase the difficulty of the situation, but it does make it feel more manageable.
I’ve been learning about shifting perspectives in unexpected ways — sometimes through everyday moments with my step-daughter, and sometimes through heartbreak I’ll never fully understand. With both, I’m reminded that while I can’t control how the story ends, I can choose what lessons I carry forward.
How to Shift Your Perspective
Acknowledge Your Feelings Start by recognizing how you truly feel. Suppressing emotions only makes them harder to process.
Ask Reflective Questions What’s another way to look at this situation? What’s the lesson here? How can I grow from this?
Focus on What You Can Control Instead of fixating on what’s out of your hands, direct your energy toward actionable steps.
Practice Gratitude Even in tough times, there’s usually something to be grateful for. Shifting your focus to these positives can help balance your perspective.
The Balance Between Honesty and Optimism
Shifting your perspective doesn’t mean ignoring reality or pretending everything is fine. It’s about finding a balance between honesty and optimism. You can acknowledge the challenges while still looking for ways to move forward.
For example, if you’re feeling stuck in your career, you might say, “I’m not where I want to be, but I have the skills and determination to get there.” This approach validates your current experience while keeping the door open for progress.
Final Thoughts
Life is full of ups and downs, and how we choose to view those moments can make all the difference. By shifting your perspective, you’re not undermining your feelings—you’re giving yourself the tools to navigate them more effectively.
So the next time you’re faced with a challenge, take a moment to step back and ask yourself: Is there a more useful way to look at this? You might be surprised at how much of a difference it can make.
I don’t always get this right — sometimes rumination still spirals into negativity — but reminding myself to ask, ‘Is there another way to look at this?’ has pulled me out of so many mental ruts.
Thanks for reading! If this resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone who might need a little perspective shift today.
👉 What perspective shift has changed YOUR life? Drop it in the comments — your story might be exactly what someone else needs today.
Sometimes grief doesn’t come from death — it comes from silence. From a friendship that once burned bright and then vanished without explanation. This poem spilled out of me in still trying to process the loss of someone who once felt like home. It’s messy, raw, and probably imperfect… but so was our bond.
“I’ll Never Fucking Know”
What the fuck happened?
Seems I’ll never understand.
Like a whirlwind of emotions;
your sleight of hand.
Mutual love, compassion,
freedom of our fucking souls.
Someone to lean on in a storm—
bestie goals.
Is it really worth it,
to be so mad?
Is it really worth it,
to throw away what we had?
Your silence is deafening;
none of this makes sense.
We could’ve figured it out
with a bond that intense.
What could be, would be, should be,
before it’s too late.
This animosity wasn’t written
to be our fate.
But nothing’s changed;
what more can I do?
Just keep on keepin’ on,
without you.
I’ll stitch up my heart,
just like before.
Burn bright in your darkness—
I’ll always love you more.
What the fuck happened?
Where’s your vibrant fucking glow?
Your stubbornness knows no bounds.
Guess I’ll never fucking know.
Losing someone you love — whether a friend, a partner, or a soulmate of any kind — can feel like a death without a funeral. Writing this helped me grieve, rage, and remember.
Fuck it — grief is messy, love is messy, friendship is messy. But maybe we don’t have to process it alone. Drop a thought, a rant, or a poem of your own in the comments. Let’s build a little corner of honesty together.
Rock on!
PS — What sparked this?
For a few years, my family was caught in chaos, and I was the one holding it all together. That kind of weight leaves you drained in ways you don’t even notice until later.
I think that’s why memories of this friend hit me so hard when they resurfaced – We once leaned on each other & lit each other up when we had nothing left.
I tried reaching out — not out of selfishness, but out of hope. Hope that maybe we could move forward, even just as friends. But silence was my answer.
So I’m left with this strange space: not fully grieving, not fully heartbroken, just carrying a fire I once borrowed from him. A fire I’ll keep tending, in the life I’ve built.
He suggests using it to figure out what goals to go after, because focusing on what excites you naturally boosts life satisfaction.
I like it because it reminds me how much of life can be exciting when I’m feeling pretty “blah”.
How To Make One
He used a “mind map” layout for his, with “life” at the center and branches extending from there.
I just made lists. And I’m calling it my “Fuck Yeah List”, because these are things you should always say “fuck yeah!” to. 😆
Basically, you just make a list (or branches) of things that energize & fascinate you. Don’t get too specific to start, just general categories or subjects of interest – whatever “lights you up”. He suggests browsing through your digital life for ideas (such as videos & articles you’ve saved, observations throughout the day, etc). A good question to ask yourself to help add to the list is “What did you enjoy doing as a kid? No judgment, no guilt tripping yourself with what you think should be on there – just the things that genuinely spark something in your soul. Tiago even goes so far as to say that these should be things you feel you have a physical, visceral passion for.
From there, you’d get more specific – ask yourself & write down what about each topic makes it important or meaningful or exciting for you.
Now you have something to work with however you see useful. ❤️
My “Fuck Yeah List”
I expected myself to struggle with making my own list because I’ve been feeling pretty “blah” lately (distracted, overwhelmed, worried — you know, all the fun mental clutter.)
But once I got going on it, it really came together nicely! So here’s what I came up with :
Writing
Sharing things that excite / interest me
Feeling proud of something I’ve written
Nature
Seeing things I don’t see very often (certain birds, butterflies, ruins)
Fresh air, refreshing breeze
Flowing water
Adventures
Experiencing different places & things
Shopping
Hiking
Events
Music
Concerts
Dancing
Witchcraft
Nature
Meditation
Protection
Learning
Psychology
Stoicism
Buddhism
Health
Neurology
Exercise
Getting stronger, leaner, faster
Dancing, coordination
Cooking
Putting together healthy, delicious dinners for my loved ones
Notion
Creating engaging, functional workspaces for different purposes
Driving
Cruising around at night, no one else on the road, listening to music with the windows wide open
Going 70+ on the highway, legally
If you’ve been feeling flat lately, this is a game-changer. Make your own Excitement Map and see what lights you up. Share this post if you think someone else needs the reminder.
Ever since my doctor told me my cholesterol was “elevated” (though, as I’ve been told by everyone else, “whose isn’t?!?”), I made an honest effort to make some changes to my health.
My main goal is to feel better, however. A better mindset has been the most rewarding side effect of all the dieting & exercise I’ve been doing the past couple months – weight loss & toned muscles are just a bonus.
Let’s review my efforts so far…
Diet
I’ve been following a “mindful eating” diet plan set up with the help of ChatGPT. It helped me set up a schedule so that I wouldn’t get too hungry by dinnertime (& thus shovel a bunch of food in my face).
Here’s what that looks like :
Mindful Eating Schedule
10:00 – lemon / lime water
11:00 – fruit
1:30 – salad w/ protein
4:00 – smoothie / yogurt
6:30 – veggies with hummus
8:00 – dinner
11:30 – dark chocolate & nuts
1:00 – fruit
I don’t follow this strictly, but it’s been proving to be pretty good guidelines for me. I’m trying to focus on eating mostly veggies & protein. Through ideas from Tim Ferriss’ slow carb diet, part of my weekly “do nothing day” includes “going crazy” (which has definitely helped me keep my sanity!) And on days when we find ourselves on an adventure, I just try to stay mindful of what I order out (without depriving myself of the glorious BBQ of summer!)
I’ve also been counting calories using an app called “My Net Diary”. It makes sense to take in fewer calories than you burn off throughout each day, so it’s been making me more aware of what I’m eating. And I love it!
“Don’t drink calories” has been a big realization for me – I didn’t realize how ridiculous my coffee creamer was! (Bet your ass I’ve got a generous amount of it plus a shot of Trader Vic’s macadamia nut liqueur in there on “go crazy day” though! 😋)
Exercise
I forgot how much I love to exercise!
I started with just 5 minutes a day, and have built myself up to about 45 minutes (give or take).
I do different things daily, all movements that I love (which is key to maintaining the routine!) :
20min cardio / dance
15min arms / bellydancing
10min yoga / tai chi / qi gong
I’ve always been interested in belly dancing, and now that I’ve been doing YouTube videos regularly, I’m seriously considering signing up for a local belly dancing group. (How I would love to create & perform a routine to some ska & rockabilly – The thought of complementing “King For A Day” with the chimes of a bellydancing belt is just too adorable! 😊)
On “go crazy” days, I stick to just yoga, tai chi, and qi gong. And definitely not for 45 minutes!
I realized I have a bit of trouble with tai chi & qi gong because I’ve been practicing yoga for over 20 years. Yoga is about releasing energy and gradually improving flexibility, balance, & strength; where tai chi & qi gong are more about energy movement & manipulation, and range of motion. The movements in yoga tend to be more “grandiose” than those with tai chi, so I struggle to slow down and flow with the “chi”. But both types of movements have their appropriate times.
Smoking…..
Well…heh…oops! 😬
(I’m such an asshole……)
I quit smoking over 6 years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest. However, I vaped until a couple of months ago when I’d lowered the nicotine level in my vape so low that I realized it was all psychological habit instead of addiction. So I quit.
I kept a pack of Camels around that I’d smoke maybe one or two a year if shit hit the fan & I needed a little nihilism.
Well, I needed a little nihilism amidst my recent “mid-life crisis”, & now I’m smoking more than I’d like to admit.
I gotta quit. Again.
It’s honestly kinda low on my list of concerns, though, to be honest. (A post on that soon…probably.)
I’ve really been enjoying sneaking off to the nooks & crannies of my yard to see whatever nature I can while I’m out there though – hummingbirds, butterflies, chipmunks, & squirrels throwing crabapples at me.
Health Log on Notion
I’ve been using Notion to help me keep track of everything (as always).
I have a database with a template set up to reset daily.
In the properties, I track how many fruits & veggies I eat each day, water, exercise types, calories, steps, cigs, and some other stuff.
The note itself contains my “mindful eating schedule”, a food log, exercise log, and space for reflections (I realized during yoga yesterday how cranky my knees have gotten omg!)
This is making it super easy to not only stay mindful throughout the day but also reflect & pivot as needed each week!
Lessons I’ve Learned
Diet is the most important thing to focus on if you want to lose weight. You can exercise all you want, but if you’re shoveling candy & chips in your face all day, you won’t make any progress.
Exercise is important for overall health. Not just mental & physical vitality, but also to tone up your muscles. So move your ass – You’ll lose weight a lot quicker!
Start small & build up to where you feel like you need to be. I slowly reduced my calorie “allowances” and started with 5 minutes of exercise (building gradually each week).
Do things you enjoy. I like the foods I eat on my schedule, & they make me feel good. I love dance cardio & belly dancing. If I tried jogging daily, it wouldn’t last long (I’ve tried, & it didn’t.) Do whatever keeps you interested.
I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m damn proud of how far I’ve come. If you’re working on your own health journey — remember, baby steps and curiosity go a long way. You’ve got this.
Have you started (or restarted) a health habit lately? Tell me about it — I’d love to hear.
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“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.
planner : Honestly, I’ve been pretty burned out on planning stuff. I left it up to hubby for most of the summer so far. This has been a mistake 😂 So I gotta plan some shit for next month – a bonfire, dates, & adventures!
self : I’ve been doing really well with my diet & exercise routines (expect a post about all that next week!) 💪 My brain is still a hot mess though lol 😭
marriage : We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary…with the kids. It was fun though. Next month, we’ll be seeing Kansas in concert (without the kids lol) cuz hubby insists they’ll be entertaining
mom : The girls are good 😊 Booboo likes climbing the door frame to the kitchen (which I also loved doing when I was her age hehehe), and Bubby’s imagination has been beautifully wild lately (I can’t wait til she can start writing stories!!!)
homeschool teacher : Still panicking about the school year ahead. Don’t even know why. It is what it is lol. I’m trying to figure out how to find time for more preschool for Bubby this year – we’ll be finishing “Easy Peasy” soon, and I hope she’ll be ready for “Playing Preschool year 2”. 🤞
zenBLITZ : Finding my groove more – I’ve enjoyed writing what I’ve been writing, and I’m starting to get a bit of a clue with social media 🤪
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Fuck it. LOL. All’s well enough. So…fuck it. 😜
Currently
eating : salads
drinking : lime water
watching : “You”, on Netflix (I hated this show when it first came out. Now we’re into season 3 & I love it!)
reading : One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle
playing : nothing really
buying : shorts! I have too many colorful & patterned items in my closet. I feel like a rainbow with legs LOL
listening to : “Out All Night” by the Pietasters is on right now
celebrating : lazy days of summer
pinning : empowering images, self care, pretty pics for Notion covers, yoga, travel
planning : family dates, maybe a party (cuz I desperately need to get drunk & burn shit LOL)
A long time coming, here’s a post about my husband & me. We’re quite the interesting couple, & we’ve had quite an interesting marriage so far. This month marks our sixth wedding anniversary and eight years together!
How We Met
As I’ve mentioned before, I used to work at several local gas stations. The first time I saw my husband was when I was probably about 20 years old – They say “you don’t meet the people you love, you recognize them”, & that was the case with my hubby. I’m not even sure why, but he intrigued me from the start. I’d seen him randomly over about 10 years, & always wondered why I didn’t see him more often, because I wanted to get to know this “eccentric older gentleman” – Come to find out the reason I didn’t usually see him is because he was stopping by on his way to car shows & he lived over an hour away.
The last time I saw him, I said hi when he came up to the counter, & he yelled “HIII!” more energetically than anyone I’ve ever met in my life – So, I said to him “you’re a spunky one, aren’t ya?!?” And that was it for a few years…
How We Got to Know Each Other
I was in a relationship with my ex for nearly 11 years before he admitted to cheating on me & wanting to split up. (That’s a story for another time.)
I was lost. Devastated. I ended up calling my mom’s sister (who I was never terribly close with, despite best efforts); she told me to call my cousin (who I was never a huge fan of…for many reasons lol); he told me to come camping at the property he just bought a couple years prior with his mom & brother. I needed to get out of the house, so I took him up on his offer.
Their campers were on the neighbor’s property — he let them hook up to his electricity. “Nicest guy in the world,” my cousin said. He was out partying with his brother the first time my cousin brought me out, but he insisted we hang out in the bar he built in his barn for weekend parties, and so we did. When he came home that night, on his pearlescent white Harley with blue road lights, dressed in full leather, he walked into the bar, yelled “HEYYY BUDDYYY!!!” & gave my cousin a big hug… In my head, I was like “oh my fucking god, it’s Mr Spunky!!!”
How We Fell In Love
Every weekend after that, I found myself talking with this intriguing gentleman in his precious, maximalist deco barn bar. We talked about everything. We’d stay up til the birds started chirping. My cousin asked 32 year old me, “what on earth could you possibly have in common with a 56 year old man?!?” And I said, “apparently, a lot.”
(I’ll do the math for you – that’s a 24 year difference.)
We talked about everything before we even started dating. He’d been divorced for 2 years, after 30 years of being in an abusive marriage – I didn’t want either of us to rush into anything, especially considering neither of us wanted to waste each other’s or our own time because life is short & precious. His only kid, a daughter, is just over a year younger than me – I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I wanted kids of my own & hadn’t had any yet – he said he wanted a litter of kids & didn’t care if he had them at his age. I couldn’t move in with him because of taking care of my father (& because it snows like a bastard down there in the winter!) – he said he’d give it all up (the barn, the cars, everything) cuz “you can’t take it with you when you die” – I said I didn’t want to make him give anything up (and we worked all that out as we went along).
I slapped him so many fucking times. Told him he was too old for me. Told him we were moving too fast. Told him I didn’t want to rush into another relationship so soon after my last one ended. He loved it! He loves telling everyone how I damn near knocked him off his bar stool when he tried to kiss me the one time 😝
I loved his determination. He knew who he was, he knew what he wanted, & he wouldn’t stop til he got it 🥰
We never rushed anything. We never wasted time either.
He wanted to go to a Reel Big Fish show with me. He got all dressed up (which was adorable), slammed an energy drink, showed up in a Mustang, & drove me to the show. That motherfucker outdanced everyone in the circle pit, & loved every second of it! 😂 Afterwards, we went out to dinner. They sat us right next to a fireplace. He did that corny stretch & put his arm around my shoulders move, & that was it. After 2 months, I finally stopped fighting (slapping) him. I felt so safe & excited at the same time – that’s when we started dating.
(In case you’re wondering why I’m not sharing more “punky” songs – These are the songs that my cousin’s wife had playing in hubby’s bar every weekend when we hung out lol)
How We Got Engaged
Not much to say here. Kind of.
He made me pick out my rings and his – mine is a beautiful sapphire with diamonds in a diamond shape around it; he has 2 (one for everyday wear, & one for fancy shit).
He even asked my dad’s permission first — because yep, we’re old-fashioned (and respectful) like that.
He made sure my cousins were at a local disco party held at a fancy restaurant, and he proposed as “Disco Batman” (though I made him take his mask off ). I was wearing a blond wig 🙃
How I got pregnant
Well, we won’t get into how 😂 But it was after a Ballyhoo / Badfish concert. (Thanks, guys!)
I legit thought “man, my allergies are so bad this year they got me throwing up every morning”.
And then I missed my period… 🤨
Our “Steampunk Wedding Extravaganza”
Not gonna lie, I wanted to elope.
I handmade all 100+ wedding invitations with a newborn snoozing nearby. “8:00 reception, 12 AM ceremony” (we wanted to make sure the people who liked us would stick around for the ceremony…& not be completely wasted.)
We ordered a pig & beef roast, and held a potluck for everything else – there was absolutely no shortage of amazing food & drinks for everyone to enjoy! There was a bounce house for the kids, & an antique firetruck for photos & a little education. Loud music, thanks to a DJ friend of Hubby’s. Everyone was encouraged to dress “steampunk”, & a lot more people showed dressed to the nines than we thought there would be! Entertainment galore!!
Just before the ceremony, Hubby rode around in his race car, and blew off a cannon & some fireworks with his brother. Mother nature even joined in with some heat lightning all around us, & kept us in a bubble during a crazy thunderstorm all around.
The ceremony was lit up by 4-wheelers. We jumped a little fire (to symbolize “I’d jump straight through hell for you”), and we all partied till dawn.
It was pretty epic; not gonna lie.
COVID
Then COVID hit.
No big deal for us, really. I remember hearing about all these women getting pregnant because they had nothing better to do, & saying to myself “nothing’s changed for us, so there’s no reason for me to end up with a COVID baby”.
And then I ended up with a COVID baby. 😂
That’s when Hubby started dealing with a bunch of stuff, which I may or may not mention in a future post. (Resulting in my emotional burnout).
Marriage Advice After 6 Years…
I certainly can’t say our marriage is perfect. But here are a few things we’ve learned that keep things strong…
Never stop talking. If there’s ever any problems between you, they sure as shit won’t be resolved with the silent treatment. Or yelling. Deep breaths & compassionate adult communication are pretty important. If there’s beef, lay it out & squash it quick.
Don’t stay mad. Ask yourself, “is it worth it to be mad about this?!?” The answer’s usually no.
Don’t go to bed without a kiss & an “I love you”. Even if you are mad. Life is short & fragile – they might not be there when you wake up. Don’t let it end on a sour note.
Shower together. Yup! It doesn’t need to get all sexy, but it’s always nice if it at least gets a little affectionate. 😊
Keep a sense of humor. Super important. Sometimes we all need to laugh so we don’t lose our minds, right?
Don’t take anything too personally. (I’m guilty of getting defensive at times, because of the ways certain aforementioned family members treat me.) It’s usually not that serious.
When you can’t fight physiology, work with or around it. If you’re anywhere near me or my husband’s age, you know what I’m talking about.
I went to the bathroom the other day, and came back to find Hubby vacuuming naked – “It doesn’t start in the bedroom. You just gotta make some effort.” Do with that what you will. 😂
We’re a weird match. But we work — and we’re still dancing through the chaos, one vacuum-naked moment at a time.
Got an unconventional love story? Age gap marriage? Steampunk wedding? Tell me about it in the comments. Or share this post with someone who’d get a kick out of it.
Subscribe if you’re new — there’s plenty more strange & beautiful life where this came from.
Why did I think I’d escape the good ol cliche “mid life crisis”? Oh yeah, because I was sure I already went through one like ten years ago. Yet here we are.
I keep coming across reminders that I need to “Reclaim a part of myself”. The random stale Camel from the pack I’ve had for 3 years because I quit smoking 6 years ago. A renewed passion for music and concerts (since I was the local ska princess 20+ years ago lol). And craving urbex, deep conversations, and fun parties.
Or at least an occasional break from homeschooling, making dinners, & attempting to clean the house (always a futile goal).
Is it a mid life crisis though? Or emotional burnout from all the bullshit I’ve been through the past few years (caregiving, stress, the world melting down)?
I had a pretty good time at the Reverend Horton Heat show! By myself. My absolute only real complaint was that the seats were super small & there was no “pit”.
Before
My car has a power steering leak, but that sure as hell wasn’t about to stop me lol! I parked in a slightly sketchy spot around the corner from the venue, on the street so I could get out easily afterward.
I ended up walking a block in the other direction to pick up a pack of sneaky smokes – they didn’t have my Camels, so I settled for Marb Blacks. $15, oof! Good thing I’m not a regular smoker lol!!
Bought myself a can of Molson because they didn’t even have Budweiser at the bar (though I prefer Rolling Rock). $7 for a can of beer! But it was worth it to not have to listen to screaming children all day LOL! Had some nostalgic fun hanging out in the venue’s “patio”. It was unusually chilly, but refreshing.
During
How have I never heard of Zydeco music?!?
Nathan and the Zydeco Cha Chas were lots of fun! They encouraged everyone to get up & dance for most of their set, which was exactly what I needed! Nathan & the washboard player even wandered around the crowd & got everyone moving, & now I’m officially a fan! 🤩
RHH did their thing — solid as always — but the crowd was kind of a buzzkill. I had fun singing along to most of their songs, but everyone else at the show is such a drag, it’s absurd to me. It’s nice to see the band, but the crowd kinda ruins it for me to be honest – why go to a show if you’re not gonna dance?!? I got a shirt & a tote bag, and ducked out a little early to beat the crowd (cuz, y’know, power steering). (Oh, and because my phone was dying & I wanted to make sure I knew how to get home lol.)
Him
I didn’t see him at all. I wasn’t looking too hard, but for all I know he’s dead 😑 Or he moved to another state. Or he just wasn’t there. Or he was & I just didn’t see him. Lol. Either way…
I’m disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to at least say hi. I left still feeling a bit lost. Something’s still missing.
But yeah, I left with a mix of peace and confusion. But overall…
It was a fulfilling time. I got to feel like myself for a few hours. Lots of smiles & dancing a bit hehe ☺️
If you’ve ever chased a memory to a loud venue or danced your heart out just to feel something real — I see you.
Tell me about your favorite solo adventure, or a night that surprised you. I’d love to hear it.
And if you’re new here, hit subscribe and stick around for more stories from the edge of chaos.
“Where I’m at” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life at any random time, based on the areas / roles in my life.
planner : Well, I was planning on hosting a baby shower for my step daughter, but she hasn’t talked to anyone (myself, her father, her aunt) in like 3 weeks so we’re assuming her mom is setting something up for her. Which is unfortunate, but we can’t let it bother us. So, I don’t know what I’m planning right now lol. Hubby & I have our 6th wedding anniversary coming up, so we’ll have to figure something out for that.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : I’ve lost 10 pounds so far!!! I’ll share a separate post on that sometime soon, to share what I’ve been doing. My mind is clearing up a bit after that concert, but I still don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do lol (such is the human condition, eh?) And I’m tempted to go back to college & get my RN certification (more on that in a future post too…probably).
marriage : 6 year anniversary coming up! We’ve been doing a little better each day since we respectfully aired some grievances, so…yay!
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. BooBoo has been obsessed with toads – she even put a teeny tiny one in her unicorn makeup bag & tried to make a pet out of it lol! And Bubby is in love with the concepts of “queens” & “princesses”, and being very elegant & wearing beautiful dresses hehe!
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Freaking out as usual. Lol. I have my letter of intent submitted; so now I have to compile an IHIP. BooBoo finished Easy Peasy’s Phonics class & has started Sight Words – the placement test suggested she’s not ready for 1st grade reading, but Sight Words seems too easy for her (maybe I’ll skip a few lessons?) (I could probably use to skip some math lessons too lol). I want to start a different PK2 curricula for Bubby soon too, because I don’t think she’s catching on as much as I’m comfortable with Easy Peasy’s PK.
zenBLITZ : I NEED TO MAKE MORE TIME TO WRITE!!! Let alone create digital products & whatnot. 😭
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : All is pretty well. Lots of focus on cleaning up the yard.
reading : I gave up on “Everything is Fucked” for now. Thinking about picking up “How to Win Friends & Influence People” (a classic) or “The Whole Brain Child. Not sure yet. (Any suggestions?!? 😉)
playing : Dolls with my kids
buying : Cheap plants from a local greenhouse
listening to : 90’s punk & ska, hehe
celebrating : 6 years of marriage, 8 years of dating!
pinning : journaling, self care, pretty colorful pics
I feel the need to revisit a topic I wrote about a couple months ago, because I’ve since had a lot of thoughts floating around my head.
I wrote then about my friend who felt that he was in love with me; and as much as I absolutely loved the shit out of him, I never wanted more than a friendship.
We haven’t seen or talked to each other in over a decade.
But he’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. To the point where I’m going alone to a concert he’ll probably be at (if he even still lives around here) – not just to see if I can pull anything from the ashes, but also so I can get the fuck away from screaming children & feel like a human for a few hours LOL. (I’m literally trying to write this right now with screaming children running around because I haven’t had time to work on anything. I can practically feel the smoke coming out of my ears.)
The Past
Over the last couple months, a ton of old memories have been flooding back. And there was a lot of love there. Like, a LOT. I never even realized a lot of the things I do now because I was so young (in my 20’s), and always so scared of losing him.
I always worried so much about him cuz he was always dealing with so much stress, and I wanted to be there for him as much as I possibly could. I still do.
He had such an adorable smile, and he gave great hugs. I loved talking to him because he was so different from me, yet still so similar. He was encouraging, flattering, and really really sweet. Not to mention resilient as fuck, and I admired the hell out of that. He’s always been one of my absolute favorite people I’ve ever known.
He was also pretty brutal at times. (Though, isn’t everyone?) I loved him too much for that to scare me off…until he blatantly told me to fuck off. So…that sucked.
The Present
I’ve moved on with my life. I hardly thought about him for a long time – Just fleeting thoughts, wondering how he’s doing, wishing he were around to share bits of my life with. Overall, I was too busy living.
I don’t know what sparked him back in my mind. I really don’t.
I’ve noticed that grief works in cycles, at least for me. Part of me thinks this might just be my brain still grieving the relationship we had. Especially since I never fully understood why we don’t still have that.
Little random things keep happening too, that remind me of him. Which makes me wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. Which might be silly. But it also might not.
The Future
So, I’m going to see Reverend Horton Heat. He introduced me to them a million years ago, and they’ve since become my favorite driving tunes.
I won’t get my hopes up about him being there. But they kinda are, I’m not gonna lie. lol
I won’t get my hopes up about him being happy to see me. But I don’t really care (not gonna lie). If he’s not, I’ll still enjoy the show. And a couple beers. And no screaming children.
I just don’t want to waste any more time. I hate wasting time, cuz tomorrow is never promised and the “ALS gene time bomb” ticks louder in my ear every year.
If there’s ever anything I can do about anything, I always want to do it now.
And it’s so hard to connect with people these days, especially since COVID – I’d rather hold onto those I know I love, while I can.
Life’s too damn short to wonder what if forever.
If you’ve got someone on your mind lately — a friend, a flame, or even a ghost — maybe this is your nudge to reach out.
✨ Drop a comment if you’ve ever chased closure, connection, or just needed a night to feel alive again. I’m listening.
zen BLITZ 