A No-Bullshit Guide to Graceful Self-Kintsugi

zen

Growth isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

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I wanted to write a post for me & hubby’s 7 year wedding anniversary, but I couldn’t really think of anything new to write. So here are some older posts, in case you missed ‘em :

Marriage, Music, and Mayhem: 6 Years with My Wild Older Husband

Tantra and Long-Term Love: The Truth About Keeping The Magic Alive

That said…

I got behind on my posts for the first time in almost 2 years – I’ve never skipped a week, til now!!

It’s been a loooooong week. Weeks? While. Busy taking advantage of summer weather, & tending to some emotional chaos within the household. Which thrust me into a bit of my own chaos.

No better opportunity to show how I practice what I preach, so to speak, and to lean back into the series I’m working through…! (The last post in the series was “Choosing a Different Path”, if you need a refresher).

When Life Gets Messy

When life gets chaotic, people often either give up completely or try to overhaul their entire lives.

That’s why there are so many YouTube videos & blog posts touting “How to reinvent yourself in 30 days” or “Become your best self – here’s how!”

Most of us have tried it.

And most of us have watched it fall apart after a week or two.

Instead, we need something small enough to do on even our worst days.

Minimum Viable Self Respect

Back when I was a grieving teenager, I started studying stress management. I knew I needed a simple way to come back to myself whenever life got messy. And over the years, this gradually became a framework I still use today.

It’s also the framework I return to whenever I’m overwhelmed – which made it especially fitting this past week (or so).

The point isn’t to add another impossible checklist to your life.

The point is to make caring for yourself so approachable that you can still do it when everything feels like it’s falling apart. Because it’s a matter of respecting yourself – your whole self – in good times & rough ones.

Worthwhile challenges are awesome – they keep life interesting!

But times of chaos aren’t asking you to make things more difficult.

Practice Beats Attempted Perfection

Fuck self-actualization. And individuation. Nirvana, enlightenment, and all that bullshit.

We treat them like finish lines – the idea that one day you’ll finally “arrive.”

Perfection is nothing more than an idea. Not a state of existence.

There is no finish line.

Growth isn’t something you arrive at. Neither is healing.

These are things you practice.

Practice creates space for transformation.

That kind of growth is quiet. Slow.

A matter of choosing the next respectful action. Again. And again. And again…

And that transformation becomes resilience, discipline….character.

The BMHS Framework

Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I ask myself four questions :

  • Am I taking care of my body?
  • Mind?
  • Heart?
  • Soul?

To me, this is a bit of a hierarchy, with “body” being the most important & the first to focus on. All of these are essential to our existence, but some more so than others.

  • Body – physical needs (food, movement, rest)
  • Mind – inputs (what you’re reading, watching, listening to)
  • Heart – connections, relationships
  • Soul – outputs (expression, creativity, meaning)

I start with the body because it’s hard to think clearly, connect deeply, or create anything meaningful when I’m exhausted, starving, or running on empty.

Putting It Into Practice

Spend a week focusing on one area.

Or a month.

Or whatever your life allows.

No gold stars. No pressure. No failing.

Just practice.

That’s it.

Your character is defined by how your return to yourself, your values, & the ones you love.

A wonderful reminder that I found on Pinterest :

“Uncommon advice : If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the right path will reveal itself.”

Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore each part of the framework – Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul – with practical ideas you can adapt to your own life.

In the meantime, ask yourself one simple question:

What’s one small act of self-respect I can practice today?

If this helped, share it with someone who’s white-knuckling their way through a hard season right now. And subscribe if you’re new – I’ve got more from this series coming!

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

10 thoughts on “A No-Bullshit Guide to Graceful Self-Kintsugi”

  3. Happy anniversary, lady. To this post I would add that there’s value in acceptance, no matter where we are at. And it’s THE hardest thing to do, regardless of what the struggle is. I would l know. Lack of acceptance is thr root behind all the “re-invent yourself in 30 days” stuff. There’s no money in acceptance. That’s the charming thing about it. Nobody can sell us anything we don’t need in a state of acceptance 😅. Or even like a happy medium where we say, “okay there are big things I would really like to change but today I accept it all and acknowledge that this is a big huge thing with a lot of steps and it will take a while.” With that attitude, nobody can sell us some bullshit diet or self improvement course, etc

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    1. Thank you!

      And you are absolutely right – acceptance is super important. I’m learning the hard way about accepting my limitations lately – I sometimes have the unhelpful perspective that acceptance is akin to defeat, but it’s really not necessarily. 💚

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      Reply

      1. Oh gawd I hear you on both fronts. I struggled mightily thru second half July until now and much of that struggle was trying to practice acceptance but not wanting to “lose”

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