When the Brain Takes a Hit: Living With the Ripple Effects of a Mild TBI

Why This Topic Is On My Mind

I have quite the database of ideas I’ve thought up to write about. And after sharing my ALS post last week (The Family Curse: Growing Up in the Shadow of ALS), I thought I’d continue with more “health” related topics.

Traumatic brain injuries have been on my mind for a while because of some personal, but secondhand, experiences.

TBIs affect more people than many realize. Their effects can be subtle, confusing, and sometimes misunderstood.

And one thing I’ve learned over the years is that brain injuries definitely don’t follow a rulebook…

There Is No “One Size Fits All”

Brain injuries vary widely, and the symptoms can vary just as widely depending on the location & severity of the damage. Even still, two people with similar injuries may have very different experiences.

Symptoms may seem nonexistent for a time & then appear years later. For some, symptoms can be intermittent.

I think part of the reason for this is one of the most beautiful things about our brains – neuroplasticity. See, the neurons themselves don’t re-generate; once they’re damaged, they’re damaged. However, other neurons can gradually branch out & compensate for the damaged neurons, though sometimes this adaption can cause some problems while fixing others.

The Brain Is Just an Organ (But an Important One)

No different than your liver or heart, your brain is technically nothing more than chemicals and electricity. Personality, memory, and knowledge ultimately boil down to chemistry and electrical activity inside brain tissue. When that tissue is damaged, the effects can ripple through every aspect of life.

The most famous example is that of Phineas Gage (to the point that he’s often covered in basic Psych 101 classes) – working as a construction foreman in the mid 1800’s, a tamping iron shot through his skull, which annihilated a huge chunk of his brain’s frontal lobe. His survival after such an extreme injury is remarkable, but it was due to the fact that nothing that controlled his autonomic nervous system sustained damage – the frontal lobe is largely responsible for an individual’s personality, emotion, and social behavior. Despite his survival, his personality changed. Drastically. He went from being a meticulous leader, to being…well, by most accounts, kind of an asshole. Interestingly enough however, he hated animals before the accident; after the accident, he loved animals so much he became a stagecoach driver.

What Brain Injuries Can Affect

Again, symptoms vary widely depending on the severity & location of the injury, and many symptoms aren’t always obvious.

For example – the magnitude of cognitive and memory changes can be surprising.

Common physiological symptoms

migraines
neck pain
dizziness
exhaustion
coordination issues

Common psychological / cognitive symptoms

anxiety
anger
depression
memory loss
confusion
rumination
paranoia
irritability

The Night My Husband Hit His Head

A couple months before we met, my husband had a barn party at his place – lots of people, lots of stuff going on.

Probably a dozen shots in (I wasn’t there, but I know he was a party monster), he decided to use the porta potty in the barn. When he came out, he tripped on a rug & fell back, whacking his head on the concrete & effectively knocking himself out cold for a few minutes.

His friends thought he was dead. Yet they didn’t bother calling for an ambulance for some insane reason. (After working in an ER, I know that the standard operating procedure for such an injury is an ambulance ride with a neck brace on, & an immediate CT scan to check for internal bleeding.)

He was significantly concussed for nearly a week – throwing up, massive headache, dizzy, couldn’t hardly stay awake.

Eventually (as in after we met & I yelled at him), he went to a doctor and had MRIs done on his head & neck. Come to find out he’d slipped two discs in his neck. He also retrospectively remembers being told he has “black spots” on his brain, though I just recently found the imaging discs they’d given him & I’d like to review them myself (not that I think I’m a doctor, but I do have enough medical education & experience to be able to tell if that was a false memory of his, or if there’s some truth to it).

When Symptoms Show Up Years Later

For a few years after, he was “normal” – well, he’s always been a little weird, & that’s why everyone loves him, but he was normal for him.

Then things changed. To me at the time it seemed to be out of nowhere, but now I know it was because of the stress of trying to sell his barns to someone he shouldn’t have been selling them to, combined with working too much and not getting enough sleep.

It seemed to me like he was having a nervous breakdown – extreme paranoia, anxiety, rumination and memory confusion. After a couple years, things settled down for a few months.

Then they started back up, though less extreme. The second time around I realized what was happening — he was confusing dreams with real events.

He’s always slept like shit. He’s always been an “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” kind of guy. Unfortunately, that’s making his life hell these days because it’s just exacerbating other symptoms.

These days, he’s often very irritable, struggles with wanting to try new things, and sometimes he even gets lost when he’s driving around the neighborhood (luckily he was a truck driver & knows not to panic when he doesn’t recognize where he is). He also says that he feels like he “never fully came back into his body” after the concussion, which kind of sounds like a sense of perpetual brain fog.

A lot of these symptoms tend to come & go. But they’re there.

A Scary Moment

One night a few months ago, he was irritable for no apparent reason and we ended up getting into an argument. He eventually got so upset after ruminating for hours, he seemed like he was having a stroke – slurred speech, a little droopy on one side. I insisted I call 911 because it really freaked me out – I’d never seen that happen to him before. He insisted I wait (which is always a terrible idea if someone is actually having a stroke, by the way!!!) But once he calmed down, he was fine.

I’m not trying to diagnose anything here – just sharing what I’ve observed. And that incident showed me that brain injuries can sometimes manifest as stroke-like symptoms.

We’re currently awaiting further testing at a local neurological institute (the one I always envisioned myself working at, actually).

A Similar Story

My “old friend” that I mention occasionally told me back when we were friends that he’d suffered a TBI at some point – I don’t remember much of the story, but then again, neither did he.

I can’t recall the circumstances under which he said it happened, but I know he said he had no clue what the fuck happened. He had no recollection of it actually happening.

He also said that he’d sometimes experience symptoms of a stroke. He’d had an MRI done, which showed nothing at the time, so doctors were having trouble giving him any answers as to why this was happening.

Sometimes he’d get really irritable, and withdrawn, and then sometimes be super apologetic afterward.

In retrospect, after seeing what my husband’s been dealing with, I can’t help but wonder if this old friend is on my mind lately because I feel like I can understand him even better now than I did then. I mean, I don’t know if all of his symptoms (or my husband’s) are from their concussions, which I’m sure they’re not all, but… I guess it helps some things make more sense.

How Brain Injuries Can Affect Relationships

Brain injuries don’t only affect the injured person.

They can influence:

communication
emotional regulation
conflict
memory of events

I realized a while ago that sometimes the best response to these reactions is to just breathe, let us both cool down, and approach the situation with quiet compassion.

I struggle with that sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. When certain buttons of mine get pushed, I can get very defensive.

But that really is the only way to deal with it – quiet compassion, on both our sides.

Aging and Brain Health

My husband & I were recently talking about Bruce Willis, who is currently suffering from advanced frontotemporal dementia.

Granted, dementia is very different than a TBI – it’s a progressive neurodegenerative disorder which causes significant declines in language, memory, and behavior.

My husband was upset & said he didn’t understand why Bruce Willis’ family put him under someone else’s care.

As a caregiver for most of my life, and as someone who’s worked in an ER with more than my share of dementia patients… I explained that the decision could’ve been made as a result of caregiver burnout, arrangements due to his wishes before this point, or his current condition (don’t know if he’s violent or wandering out to the streets naked in the middle of the night, etc).

Brain conditions in general can become pretty complex.

So can anything that affects your body’s hormones & neurotransmitters in general (stay tuned for a thyroid story in next week’s post!)

Staying Proactive

There are definitely some activities that can support neuroplasticity & mental regulation, for everyone.

For example:

Yoga helps ground me in the present moment. It helps me to focus on what’s going on within & around me while I pull apart all the physical tension in my body.
Tai chi I’ve found to be especially helpful when my brain is extra busy because of the constant movement involved.
Any exercise you enjoy, that keeps your attention is great for your brain!
Meditation trains your brain to let go of fleeting thoughts – it’s helped me get through many a dental procedure, as well as just stay calm in chaotic moments.
Journaling. I can’t recommend journaling enough (brace yourself for a series coming soon lol!) It can help you work through tough situations & feelings, make plans for a brighter future, remember things as they happened, and so on. Especially analog journaling – the brain loves novelty & tactile sensations!

The “Thinking Notebook”

I’ve been journaling for about 30 years now, and I’m definitely an advocate for analog over digital.

Handwriting forces you to slow down & focus on what you’re actually thinking – The tactile experience literally engages your brain differently than typing.

I often think of my journal as a “thinking notebook” – a place to let my brain vent onto paper, so that it can all be easier to manage.

Closing Thoughts

The brain is resilient in amazing ways. But it’s also fragile – and sometimes the effects of injury don’t show up until years later. The more we understand that, the more compassion we can bring to ourselves and each other.

If someone suspects they may have experienced a head injury in the past, please –

talk with healthcare professionals
seek medical imaging
stay proactive about your brain’s health

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.

Stay real. Stay loud. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Where I’m at #18

Where I'm At

Quick note : Hi there! I do have another post I’m trying to write to go along with the “unusual” love posts I’ve shared this past month, but I have been sick as fuck. Like…fuuuck! And so has everyone else in my home. So, I’ve fallen a bit behind. I’ll try to get that out next week, pinky swear 😉

In the meantime….

“Where I’m At” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Yeah, I don’t know. I’m so thrown off right now, its not even funny. I’ll get back on track soon though. I’d like to plan some sort of family fun next month, be it bowling or a hotel visit, but we’ll see how everyone’s health goes, I suppose.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Bleh! I’m…less sick; but I have some surprising health concerns since I started getting sick, which I’m looking further into. And since getting sick, my diet & exercise…didn’t get put on the back burner, it got thrown right off the stove 🤪 So, I’m slowly working my way back into routines. My brain’s doing pretty good though, considering and despite almost crippling anxiety over said health surprises. Workin’ on it…lol
marriage : Things are good. We take good care of each other and the kiddos, so I’m perpetually grateful for that.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. Bubby kicked BooBoo in the face & now one of her teeth are a tiny bit loose, but I’m hoping it’ll resituate itself (omg please!!!!!) (Dentist visit coming ASAP, FML!) (Is this what it’s like having siblings? Cuz I didn’t have any. LOL UGH). Just found out both girls have astigmatism, & BooBoo’s been complaining of headaches lately – so, assuming they’re not just from her sister kicking her in the face, we’re working on getting her glasses this week. And both girls keep getting crazy tummy sickness randomly – they’ll be fine for a couple days, & then in hell for a day (I’m glad whatever this bug is affects me & hubby differently than them, geez!) Otherwise…the girls are doing great!!! 😅

*Yes, there’s a bounce house in my living room occasionally.* *That blur is BooBoo.*

homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Due to sickness, school has been a little inconsistent. Still plowing through as best we can. BooBoo loves geography lately, and math. And Bubby’s gymnastics coaches are ready to throw her into the next level of classes because her skills are way too far beyond the level she’s forced into right now. She’s still enjoying it though 😊 Oh, AND she made a FRIEND!!! YAY!!!
zenBLITZ : As with diet & exercise, creativity has pretty much been thrown right off the stove the past couple weeks. I haven’t felt enough clarity to write, even when I try; and I haven’t had the energy to work on much else, though I did complete a couple of cool projects earlier this month (& I love them!!!) :

*Completely handmade veg tan leather A6 “Traveler’s Notebook” cover (…I always fuck up the “B”! Ugh!)*

homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Pfft! Everything’s fine, but… 😝 I had to cancel our annual crockpot party due to everyone feeling like death was upon them, so… Next month I’m planning to host an “Asian” themed dinner potluck – I’m thinking I’m gonna get some saki, sushi, order some unique snacks from Amazon, bust out all my cool chopsticks & nifty dinnerware from Wegmans, and bribe someone to pick up a couple meals from Taste of China (the best damn Chinese food I’ve ever had in my life!) So help me god, I don’t even care who’s sick, we’re having that party! 😆
(step) gramma : A new feature that I figured I’d add, because it’s proving to be a pretty important part of my life 🥰 – my step granddaughter!! We babysit her fairly often, & we love every second of it! She’s just over 6 months old now, & she’s very smiley & giggly & precious hehe. Both girls absolutely adore her, and BooBoo gets quite the kick out of making her giggle & feeding her her bottle.

Currently

eating – Not much cuz FML I’m so sick of being sick…wah wah wah… 😂

drinking – Water. And tea. That’s about it. I haven’t even been drinking coffee (am I dying?!? LOL)

watching – YouTube. Lots & lots of YouTube.

reading – Still working on “The History of Love” by Nicole Krauss

playing – The Sims. Bubby got me back into The Sims Freeplay on my phone. I don’t know why I get so obsessed.

buying – Oh boy. Hubby’s been on a bit of a spree this month. (I’ve been behaving, for the most part.) First, he made me buy a 6 foot bouncey ball from Vat19.com. Now he wants me to finally get him a pirate ship bounce house / water slide thing (which I’m not opposed to because he’s wanted one since before we even met, plus it’ll be fun in the summer, especially at parties.) And NOW he also wants to buy back the Roger Rabbit golf cart car his friend bought out from under him when we first got engaged. So, brace yourself for some interesting pictures this summer 🤣

listening to – Heaters. I’ve very much been enjoying as much peace & quiet as I can possibly get lately lol

celebrating – Life. That’s the best thing to celebrate. Especially despite the chaos of the world.

pinning – leatherworking, steampunk aesthetics, self care, & crochet

planning – Asian dinner party, potential adventure

feeling – 🤒 but (trying to be) optimistic

💚

Romanticizing Your Life: A Mindful Rebellion Against Numb Living

blitz

I stumbled across the idea of “romanticizing your life” a while back, & it kind of struck me – why would you really want to romanticize anything else?

Little did I know, this phrase was a “trend” (I’m always out of the loop, which is where I belong 😅).

To me, romanticizing your life isn’t about aesthetic perfection, pretending everything is awesome, or assuming you’re failing if your life isn’t curated like it belongs in an art gallery.

It’s simply holding the mindset of presence & intent throughout your days. It’s a way of looking at the ordinary moments. It’s practicing mindfulness.

Romanticizing your life is about attention, not aesthetics.

What It Actually Looks Like (In Real Life)

Noticing Small Sparks

The fleeting moments that make you pause, such as snow glittering in the sunshine or a genuine smile from a stranger. Always be looking for insight, hope, meaning, joy – no one can give it to you, you need to find it for yourself. And you absolutely can, the more you look for it.

I try to write down the little things throughout the day that I enjoy, as part of my journaling practice. It’s uplifting to read even a year or so down the road & remember how the surplus of birds chirping in the big tree on the side of my house made me feel in that moment. 🥰

Hesitating in Boring Moments

Before grabbing your phone to numb out all of your boredom and stress, ask yourself : What do I actually want to be doing right now?

Is there anything that could make this moment more fulfilling?

Treating Ordinary Moments as Worth Recording

Not because they’re impressive or profound to anyone (including you), but because they’re yours.

All the little moments put together are the story of your life. It’s worth making notes of. (And, perhaps, sharing?)

Why Journaling Matters Here : Time Blur & Memory

I always feel like everything I do throughout the weeks just blends together – days feel like weeks, weeks like months, and so on – and I’m left feeling like nothing’s actually happened.

That’s why I review my daily notes often. I condense dailies into weeklies, weeklies into monthlies, and so on – It helps me get a clearer perspective on what I’ve accomplished, what fun I’ve had, and what insights I’ve gained over time. And why.

For me, journaling throughout the day and planning joy for the future are anchors in time. Control over future feelings. Proof that I’m living my life (not just existing). And forcing my perception of time to slow down by paying attention to it as it passes.

When you document your life, time stops erasing it.

Romanticizing Your Life as Self-Choice

You don’t need permission to enjoy your life.

You need to choose yourself inside the roles you play in your life.

As a wife & mom, I constantly feel guilt pulling at my heartstrings for craving autonomy & independence. But I’m not just a wife & mom – I’m a badass 😉

I know who the fuck I am, and I need to go out into the world & just be me sometimes – going to concerts by myself, running errands by myself, taking myself out to sushi & write in the dining area at Wegman’s. I love my family, & I do plenty of fun stuff with them.

But presence includes choosing to honor yourself & your needs, not disappearing into obligation.

Tools That Support the Perspective

Even amidst times of chaos, these are tools that have supported my passion for living my life. Of course, these are ideas, not requirements.

Journaling – (If you haven’t noticed, I’m quite a fan.) Even when I’m tired or have had a boring day, I’ll at least write a simple word in my monthly log to summarize the day. Even if that word is “BLEH!”

Planning – (Also a fan.) Planners are fun because they can be used for a lot of things beyond tracking dreadful appointments. Because I homeschool my kids, I abuse my planner, but it definitely helps me figure out where & when I can fit in adventures to local hiking spots or museums (with or without the fam). However, planners can also be used as memory keepers – I make one for my husband every year, using a “Hobonichi Weeks” style planner, where I write a highlight of the day every day & add photos weekly. Just an idea. 😊

Weekly / Monthly Reflections – I make sure that I browse through my daily notes once a week to reflect on what I’ve done & contemplated, and compile the useful stuff onto its own page; sometimes I’ll expand on those notes, sometimes I don’t. Monthly, I review my weekly reflections & do the same thing. This process gives me a lot of valuable perspective over time.

Who This Is For

You. If you’ve read this far, this is definitely for you.

You crave beauty & fulfillment but hate bullshit
Maybe you feel bored, stuck, or numb
You want more meaning without blowing up your life
You feel something missing but don’t want a fantasy fix

Romanticize your life by paying attention & living each moment with intention.

You don’t need a better life — you need to be present in the one you have.

Document one ordinary moment today. Get sensual about it, if you want – “that sip of coffee was perfectly warm on this frigid day, and slapped me to attention like a sumo wrestler warming up for a match”.

And plan one small, meaningful thing – just for you. (Even it’s just grocery store sushi.)

If this resonated, share it with someone who’s tired of numb scrolling — or bookmark it for the next time time feels slippery.

Rock on! 💚

Self-Love Without the Cringe: A 7-Day Journaling Reset

zen

Since February is the season of love, I thought I’d write a focused series of posts throughout the month. Don’t worry, they’re not the typical bullshit. I’m thinking self love, romanticizing your life, long term relationships, and “weird” relationships… everything with a bit of a “twist”. 💚 Stay with me here…

Reframing February

The concept of self-love feels lame because it became performative, sanitized, and dishonest – Insta-worthy bubble baths & all that shit. It isn’t lame on its own, but the way it’s portrayed certainly is.

February doesn’t need more aesthetic self-care “advice”.

This post is intended as a humane, grounded, and lived-in reset.

Self love about staying with yourself, not futile attempts toward fixing yourself at the spa.

What “Self-Love” Actually Is (and Isn’t)

Self-love is something I choose when my mind is consumed with perceived chaos.

Self-care is something I do. It’s an act of self love (When Life Gets Chaotic, Practice Self Care).

Sometimes it doesn’t feel good in the moment – it shows up later as steadiness, clarity, or less self-abandonment.

It lives in the thoughts you repeat about yourself – all of yourself.

Sometimes you have to say “fuck you” to your self depreciating bullshit and choose yourself anyway.

The “Self-Love Is Cringe” Problem

The cringe associated with it is a social survival reflex.

Just as much as we’re pressured by the media to indulge in often frivolous acts of self care, we’re also pressured to “hustle, grind, rewind” – push through & ignore anything that gets in the way.

Growing up, caring openly often wasn’t “safe” for me. Especially considering all of the grief my mother’s family has dealt with (ALS, Grief, and Growing Up Too Fast) – I was raised (as I know most of us are) to ignore my feelings & push through tough situations. Which, at times, can be beneficial. But it catches up to us all eventually.

“Softness” wasn’t modeled for most of us – for better and worse.

Avoiding self-love isn’t laziness – it’s conditioning.

Shadow Integration: The Part We Avoid Naming

Self-love isn’t about erasing our shadows – It’s about integrating them so that they stop running the show from the background.

I try hard to let myself work with what I usually keep hidden, through my writing, my artwork & crafts, and journaling. When something is making me feel uncomfortable, I often ask myself why, and what positive & productive things can I do with this?

Self-love is choosing presence over avoidance.

Journaling as a Nervous System Practice

Journaling can be a great way to practice presence and soothe your nervous system – It’s a place to contain & converse with your demons when needed, and stay with yourself while you figure everything out.

There’s something about handwriting such that I personally I would suggest using an analog journal over digital – it forces you to slow down & examine your thoughts completely. Whatever method you choose is up to you of course, for the sake of privacy if nothing else. It doesn’t need to be seen by anyone but you.

It isn’t about writing well, it’s about maintaining presence. A sentence or two is enough if that’s all you have the time or energy for on any given day.

The 7-Day Self-Love Journaling Experiment Overview

On the topic of journaling, I’d like to invite you to try a quick little experiment!

The purpose of this experiment is to slow your nervous system, build trust with yourself, and create a place to land your chaos.

Day one will contain the whole practice, while the following days are optional expansions – so even one day counts!

If you miss a day: Nothing is ruined. Come back when you’re ready.

And remember – Self-love isn’t about consistency, it’s about returning to who the fuck you are.

Day 1: The Self-Love Letter

Write a letter to you as though you’re an outside observer who knows your personal history. No positivity performing, no shaming, no fixing.

Start by naming your current emotional state without judgment, just as a basis to understand the tone of the letter if you were to read it months from now.

Then reflect on the challenging situations you’ve dealt with in your life, being sure to acknowledge your resilience and any lessons you’ve learned or personality strengths you’ve gained through those experiences.

Express gratitude for your growth where it feels appropriate – Gratitude is acknowledgment, not unfounded praise.

Develop some affirmations if you’d like – Affirmations are for orientation, they’re not always hype. (Some fun examples – “I am a badass”, “Be yourself, fuck all”, “Live vibrantly”, or “Alchemize the fire within”.)

Skip anything that feels forced.

Days 2–7: Optional Expansions

Day 2: Naming Without Fixing

(Presence & containment)

Today is about noticing, not solving. Naming something doesn’t make it bigger — it makes it clearer.

What emotions keep resurfacing lately, even when you try to ignore them?
If you weren’t required to “do anything” about them, what would they want you to know?
What are you already doing to survive this season of life, even if it doesn’t look impressive?

Day 3: The Parts You Keep Private

(Shadow integration, gently)

This is for the things you don’t usually say out loud. You don’t need to like these parts. Just let them exist on the page.

What part of yourself do you tend to hide because it feels inconvenient, messy, or “too much”?
When did you first learn that this part wasn’t welcome?
How might this part be trying to protect you, even imperfectly?

Day 4: Slowing the Nervous System

Write slowly today. Let your body lead. This can be a list. Or a single sentence. Or a deep breath and a word.

How does your body feel right now — not metaphorically, literally?
What helps you feel even 5% more settled?
What does “good enough” look like today?

Day 5: Identity, Mood, and Self-Trust

(Who you are when you’re not performing)

Who are you when no one is watching?
What do you do, like, or need that doesn’t make sense to anyone else?
What parts of your identity feel most stable right now?

Day 6: Boundaries as Care

(Self-love in action)

Think structure, not restriction – Boundaries aren’t punishment; they’re containment.

Where do you feel most drained lately?
What boundary (time, space, energy, emotional) would support you right now?
What’s one small way you already protect yourself — even if it’s imperfect?

Day 7: Staying With Yourself

(Integration & closure)

Let’s close the loop without pressure. You don’t have to carry this perfectly – just honestly.

What did you learn about yourself this week?
Where did you show up for yourself, even quietly?
What would it look like to continue “staying” with yourself moving forward?

Lived Authority

As much as I love my family, I protect my morning routine ruthlessly. It’s become a very firm boundary that I maintain in my daily life. Otherwise, I find myself buried under other people in my ears, demanding my attention, all day long.

My morning routine is forced space for other things that are important to me such as reading, writing, movement, & meditation.

Self-love often looks like structured self care – Not indulgence, but an intentional nervous system reset.

Ultimately, for me, it’s a boundary for my family and for me.

Utilizing self-love and practicing self-care during genuinely challenging seasons taught me something important: I can endure chaos. And I can come out prouder, steadier, and more confident on the other side.

It’s about staying with myself.

This isn’t a prescription. It’s an invitation.

You’re the only person you’ll live with your entire life, so you’re allowed to honor yourself.

Self-love doesn’t need to be cringe.

And journaling is a real, usable resource.

If this resonated, you might try one sentence in a notebook tonight. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Returning counts.

If you want more grounded practices like this, feel free to subscribe to my blog – no hype, no fixing, just honest tools for staying with yourself.

Stay tuned for more “offbeat” love related topics this February!

And if you share this post, make sure to pass it to someone who hates ‘self-love’ content. 😉

Rock on! 💚🤘

Where I’m At #17

Where I'm At

*BooBoo loves this AI altered photo of her hehe*

“Where I’m at” posts are just updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : I’m pretty excited, actually 🫠 I’m hoping to get back into planning parties this year, starting with our annual Crockpot & Retro Video Games party this month. I think it’ll be fun. Homeschool planning & meal planning are done for the month, so…yippie. And we gotta pick a day to go bowling!
self : Doing…pretty good, lol. Winter has my whole body, especially my sinuses, pretty cranky – no humidifier is powerful enough for this shit! But I’m been maintaining my mindful diet (for the most part) & my exercise routines (which I altered to allow for daily yoga, tai chi, & meditation). I’m not really losing much weight, but I’m not gaining any either! So that’s good. And despite occasional brain fog (cuz I sleep like absolute shit), I’m getting a bit more clear headed. I think. And I’ve been making more time for creative pursuits, which is pretty fulfilling.
marriage : Doing pretty good. We’re always trying to find ways to adjust & keep ourselves (& each other) entertained, hehe
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. Again, no injuries to report, so…yay 😅 They’re both having a lot of fun with the kid’s makeup kit I got Bubby for her birthday. Oh, we went to Rainforest Cafe for Bubby’s bday, per her request. She loves that place!

homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : School’s going well. Bubby’s really enjoying the “Playing Preschool” curriculum, & she’s learning a lot, but she does miss doing computer work heh. BooBoo loves math (she even wrote up some math facts for Bubby on her birthday card, to “help her out for next year” lol!), and she also loves learning to play the “piano” (the keyboard we got for Xmas), especially the YouTube tutorials for K Pop Demon Hunters songs 🤪
zenBLITZ : Doing pretty good here. I’m ahead enough on my blog posts, and I created a “quote board” to post favorite quotes on my Facebook page. No progress on my novella, though – I haven’t had much time (or urge) to work on it lately, but that’s fine. I’ve been doing quite a bit of leather crafting & crochet, when I have time.

*She’s more enthused than she looks, I swear 😂*

homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Yeah. Whatever. LOL. So help me god, we will being taking a trip this year!!!
witch : Daily yoga & meditation has been plenty fulfilling for me lately, hehe

Currently

eating – Soup. I love me some soup. 😋

drinking – Tea, wine, Skrewball peanut butter whiskey in my coffee sometimes

watching – The Traitors, Doom Patrol, leathercraft videos on YouTube

reading – Tao Te Ching, The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, & I just finished Show Your Work by Austin Kleon. I also finished “The Last Time They Met” by Anita Shreve, don’t know if I mentioned that – holy fuck what a slap in the face!

playing – Coin Master, Roblox

buying – Stuff I might need next month because I need a “no buy” month 😅

listening to – Saviors (album) by Green Day – Goodnight Adeline 💚

celebrating – Valentine’s Day? Candlemas! (Being halfway through this very wintery winter is definitely worth celebrating!)

pinning – self care, leatherworking, cigar box alterations, sewing tips, & traveler’s notebooks

planning – To try to have some fun next month!

feeling – Excited about journaling & leatherworking 😊

How to Choose the Right Planner for 2026 (Without Overcomplicating Your Life)

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It’s that time of year again – planner time!

With all the options out there, how do you know which one to choose? Do you even need a reinvented method?

You don’t need a “perfect system.” You need a system that actually fits your life.

Let’s try to figure that out…

Keep It Simple, Stupid. (KISS)

Some people tend to overbuild: too many trackers, too many spreads, too much pressure.

Why?

Sometimes it can be fun, but eventually you’ll likely burn yourself out.

The real red flag: you’re not using it OR it feels like it’s going to explode. Literally.

Focus on minimalism over aesthetic chaos, or too much “quantified self” data that you’ll realistically never give a shit about (ie: 12 mood trackers, tracking water intake by color, etc.)

Focus on what you actually need.

What You Really Need to Plan For

Grab a piece of paper or your journal – it’s list time!

What do you feel the need to plan for in the first place?

Everyone has universal categories :

Appointments & time-specific stuff
Goals / Habits

What else? For me personally, I also need to plan for :

Family adventures
Homeschool
Meal planning

Now ask yourself about each – Does this category make my life easier, or am I adding it because I feel like I should? Cross out the unnecessary & don’t worry about it!

The fewer categories you depend on, the longer the system lasts.

What To Do If Your System Feels Boring

Boring is fine. If it works, don’t fix it.

Consistency is boring. But boring is how you get results.

Overhaul cravings usually mean the current system never felt quite as effective as it needs to be. Ask yourself “why?”

Some small refresh ideas:

Simplify back to only the essentials
Switch up a layout
Add minimal decoration, color, or a theme
Reduce screens by intentionally using paper moments

Pre-Made Planner vs. Build-Your-Own

There are certainly benefits to both.

Pre-made = great for beginners, busy people, and those who hate setup.
DIY = great for people with unique schedules, neurodiverse brains, or flexible lifestyles.

Ask yourself : Do you want structure handed to you? Or do you want the freedom to build something more flexible?

Digital vs. Paper: Choosing Your Tools

Personally, I use both.

Notion strengths:

Holds everything.
Organizes long-term projects, archives, info-dumps, and complex systems.
Perfect for the behind-the-scenes life management.

Paper strengths:

Screen-free
Immediate
Great for daily/weekly overview
Helps cut down distractions
Good for grounding & simplicity

Hybrid = the best of both worlds.

Your planner doesn’t have to be one thing.

Avoiding Planning Fatigue

You don’t need January 1st to start fresh; you can start on any random Tuesday!

Consider your life as a collection of seasons, not years — winter rhythms vs. spring energy vs. summer chaos.

Adjust as life shifts.

(And don’t overdo it!)

My Personal Setup

As I said, I use a hybrid setup as my planning system.

Above is a screenshot of my main Notion dashboard. It’s an adaptation of Tiago Forte’s “PARA Method” (projects, areas, resources, archive) – planner, roles, interests, & archive.

For me, I don’t have any projects that aren’t related to my “roles”, so that section is just my planner – mostly a calendar & running to do lists.

“Roles” are ongoing areas of my life – mostly health (physical & mental), homeschooling, zen BLITZ, & home stuff (shopping lists, budgeting & bills, etc). Each role has its own page with its own databases – for example, my physical health has my workouts so I can cycle through them, & mental health includes my daily journal!

“Interests” holds things that aren’t directly related to my roles – so, information about people, books, restaurants, etc.

And the archive is where things go to die cuz I’ll probably never need them…but maybe I will. 😅

Obviously, you don’t need to use PARA — this is just what works for me.

And this is my Happy Planner Mini. (Nevermind the Fruit Loops stain from my kiddo – that’s part of the charm of analog 😂)

In here, I have monthly calendars so I have a nice overview of things going on, weekly overviews, and daily stuff so I don’t have to look at my phone a zillion times a day.

Obviously, I print my own paper & don’t know how to format it properly for my dumbass printer, but that’s irrelevant. It’s cheap & customizable.

This satiates my desire for a proper “Bullet Journal”. For the most part.

Review

Start with what matters and ignore everything else.
Don’t force yourself into a planner that looks good but doesn’t work.
You don’t need a brand-new system — you just need one that fits your actual life, right now.
Planning is supposed to support you, not stress you out.
Start small. Adjust as needed.

Start with what matters. Ignore the rest. If you like this vibe, hit ‘like,’ share it, and follow along — more rebellious simplicity coming soon.

Rock on! 🤘💚

Where I’m at #15

Where I'm At

*Just about finished the biggest baby blanket ever made xD*

*Starting leathercrafting – Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? LOL*

“Where I’m at” posts are just updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : Gotta figure out what I’m giving everyone for Xmas, that’s for sure! 😆😵‍💫 I have some stuff ready, but I never feel like it’s “good enough” (I’m sure you know how that is…and it’s stupid).

self : Doing pretty good! I’ve kept up with my workouts, and I switched to a “mindful diet”, though I still use the schedule I mentioned a while ago. I haven’t been terribly cranky lately either, so that’s always good LOL! 😂 – I’ve been sticking to my routines & creating a lot of stuff, so I guess that’s keeping my mind occupied.

marriage : We’re doing well, thanks for asking 😂 We managed to get a couple date days in over the past month, which has been refreshing! 😁

mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good, though their tempers aren’t. Heh 😑. Bubby got mad at BooBoo & threw her tablet at her, hit her smack dab in the middle of the forehead, & she’s probably gonna have a scar from it; BooBoo threw a chair for some reason the other day. So, I gotta figure out how to teach them better ways to deal with their big emotions…

homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : School’s going well! Now that we’re in full swing, I switched our routine up a bit & it’s been going pretty well. We’ve added some yoga & meditation into our routine, and while I work on one of them individually with the curriculum, hubby’s been working with the other on various things. Bubby’s really catching up with letter & number identification, so now I’m not sure if she’s dyslexic or not (I should just get her tested within the next year or so, I suppose).

zenBLITZ : I’m really having fun! I’ve got a bunch of blog posts ready, & I’ve started chapter 4 of my novella! Also, I’m working on crocheting a blanket for my step granddaughter, and I’ve started experimenting with leatherworking! Now I just gotta figure out how to monetize something. Anything. 😅
homemaker : Yup. Still just…yep. I’ve finally started on my “dark half of the year” house cleaning projects! So that’s good 😊👍
witch : Yoga has been fulfilling enough for me lately; I don’t really want or need anything more spiritually at the moment. 🕉️

Currently

eating – Thanksgiving ham (cuz turkey is boring lol)

drinking – mint & fruity teas

watching – antenna TV cuz my Internet is down for no good reason

reading – The Last Time They Met by Anita Shreve

playing – Roblox with my kids, when our Internet is working

buying – Xmas & bday gifts!

listening to – lofi chillhop on Pandora, at the moment

celebrating – Xmas & birthdays coming up!

pinning – sewing (leatherwork), Green Day, Xmas, jewelry (mala & Kandi bracelets)

planning – holidays & holiday homeschooling

feeling – pretty good! 😊

This Is Who I Am Now – Owning Every Version of Myself

Where I'm At

I recently came across a selfie from about 15 years ago — same hairstyle, same vibe as a selfie I took this summer. Around the same time, I heard the phrase “this is who I am now.” And it got me thinking – who the fuck am I now? Turns out, I’m a lot of things…..

I am punk rock.

I do things my way, but humbly, without arrogance. I try not to judge, I try to approach difficult situations with loving kindness, and I revel in finding calm amidst chaos.

I am a wife.

I married the single coolest and most loving human being I’ve ever met, and we’ve been together for 8 years now. Through thick & thin. We’ve literally jumped through hell for each other.

I am a mom.

Of 2 beautiful, unique, intelligent, loving, creative, independent as hell little girls. They love climbing rocks, foraging for snacks in the yard, and catching toads all while wearing princess dresses & sparkly pink nail polish.

I am a homeschooler.

I love being able to cuddle my kids while helping them learn. I love figuring out their unique nuances, and interests, and seeing where these things take us on a daily basis. And I love creating space for adventures in our everyday life, to show them there’s always lessons to learn wherever you’re willing to look.

I am a creator.

A writer, a crocheter, a digital designer. A “Jill of many trades”. I just wish I could find time to make money off this shit lol!

I am the household manager.

I handle meal planning, groceries, budgeting, bills, cleaning, travel plans, party plans…just about everything.

I am a “chaos witch”.

I mostly practice hearthcraft, and protection & healing magick. My practice is…very much on the back burner to everything else in my life, but I do sneak in little bits of magick here & there.

I was a reseller for a few years.

I enjoyed the whole process, and I enjoyed providing fun things to people who got excited over the often silly things I’d offered. I just didn’t have the time or space to let it grow, and that’s fine.

I was a student a couple times.

I’ve studied psychology, neurology, business, and education. I even tutored psychology one semester (and my student did awesome!), and I was a “peer advisor” a couple times! Never followed through for a degree though, and that’s fine.

I was a patient care assistant in an emergency department for a bit.

I loved the autonomy, the diversity of situations, and the sheer volume of unique patient interactions. And the patients & visitors loved me…because I’m patient, smart, & I genuinely give a fuck. I just couldn’t stand 96% of my coworkers, and that’s fine.

I’ve been a caregiver for most of my life.

For grandparents, parents, friends, and loved ones; throughout illnesses, injuries, and psychological chaos. It’s part of how I was raised, and part of just who the fuck I am.

So that’s me — messy, evolving, and unapologetically real.

Now it’s your turn: Who the fuck are you today? Drop a comment or share this post with someone finding themselves again.

If my words made you smile, nod, or roll your eyes in recognition — hit “like,” share it, or subscribe for more real talk on life, growth, and chaos.

Keep it raw, keep it real. And rock the fuck on. 🤘💚

Always Tell Your Story: Why Sharing Your Truth Can Change Lives

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Why Your Story Matters

Everyone has a story worth telling. Even if you think yours is boring, messy, or not original – it is yours, and that makes it powerful.

The world’s drowning in noise, but human honesty still cuts through like feedback at a punk show – AI can’t create real emotion or lived experience, try as it might.

Nothing Is New — But You Are

Literally everything that can be said & done, has been. Nothing’s truly “original” anymore. And that’s ok!

What is unique is your lens — your collection of scars, triumphs, and weird little details. Nobody has ever experienced all the details put together that make up your story, which is a beautiful thing.

And every time you share one of your many truths, someone else out in the world feels a little less alone.

The Healing Power of Sharing

On my second day working the floor as a patient care assistant in an ER, I came across a patient who had ALS & his wife. He was nearing the end, and my job for the moment was to hold his hand & try to keep him calm while he was intubated. It was heartbreaking, knowing a little bit about what he’d been though, & was about to go through, and the same for his wife, because of my own experiences in a caregiver’s role with the disease.

His wife was devastated; she knew what was coming in the days ahead. So, I sat beside her and talked – I introduced myself, mentioned a little bit about my family history with ALS & the caregiver role I’d found myself in, and offered a friendly soul to help her with whatever she needed while in my department (”a warm blanket? Coffee? A hug? I’m not far; I’ve got you!”)

I was asked to help escort him to the ICU when he was deemed stable enough for transport. At the entrance, I was told I could go back to the ER & his wife was told to stay at the door until he was successfully transferred. Overwhelming grief consumed her, and understandably so. So I held her while she cried, gave her a compassionate little pep talk based on what I’d gone through, and stayed until she was invited in with her husband.

Point is, telling your stories can heal you and someone else. That day I saw that stories aren’t just meant to be told — they’re meant to be handed off like torches, sharing some light in moments of darkness.

Finding Your People

The ones who don’t get it will judge — they always have, always will. But honesty attracts the right people, the ones who’ve been waiting for someone like you to speak up.

“Your people” aren’t found through perfection — they’re found through realness. And the more you share your stories, the more your people will find you.

Boundaries and Bravery

All that said, here’s a quick note on discernment — not everything needs to be public, and oversharing can sometimes hurt more than help. It’s always best practice to keep your private information away from the internet altogether as much as possible, and you should never say anything that would hurt yourself or anyone else in any way. Of course, there are exceptions to these “rules”. Thus, discernment.

But don’t let the simple fear of judgment silence you. Everything you say could go either way — and that’s okay.

Bravery isn’t about ignoring fear; it’s about telling the truth anyway. If someone doesn’t like it & decides to troll? – FUCK ‘EM! They’re not you, and oftentimes those who lash out do so out of fear or the inability to understand. And that’s fine – you do you.

The Punk Rock of Humanity & Humility

In a world that’s increasingly artificial (AI, social media perfection, etc.), your realness is your rebellion.

Every time you tell your story honestly, you’re flipping off the illusion of perfection. (And all perfection is illusion!)

Celebrate your chaos, your cringe, your truth by sharing it with the world — it’s what makes you irreplaceable.

Write it, paint it, sing it, whisper it into the void. Someone out there needs to hear it — maybe even you.

If this spoke to you, share it with someone who’s been holding their story back – The world needs more real voices!

And if you want more unapologetic inspiration like this, hit “like,” subscribe, and keep telling your truth.

Stay real. Stay loud. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

When Life Gets Chaotic, Prioritize Self Care

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I know I’ve vaguely mentioned some family chaos that’s occurred over the past few years – It settled down a bit earlier this year, & burnout from the whole situation set in for me.

I’m still burned out. And the chaos has reignited, in (not so) fun new ways.

So, what to do?!?

Focus on self care while plowing through the chaos- that’s all I can do.

Why Self Care Is Non-Negotiable

When you’re dealing with a bunch of shit in life, burnout is inevitable. You can push through all you want, but eventually you’re going to crash & burn.

It might not stop burnout, but it cushions the crash. In my experience, at least. (And I have more than my share of experience in this department, unfortunately.)

Of course, in the midst of true chaos, you probably don’t want to do anything. We all tend toward distraction in the forms of media or comfort foods, or whatever your unhelpful coping mechanism of choice may be.

That’s precisely when you need to shift your focus to self care – Make it just as much of a priority as the bullshit you’re dealing with. You need to maintain focus on your responsibilities, of course, but you also need to focus on your responsibilities to yourself.

Doing so will probably help with whatever emotional fuel is ruminating and adding to the dumpster fire of stress in your head.

When to Practice (Even When You’re Burned Out)

This depends on your situation, of course.

Mornings or evenings (or, ideally, both) seem to work for most people – Whenever you can find some peace to focus on your own wellbeing, if even just for short periods of time.

Figure out what times work best for you, and make an appointment with yourself – if not daily, as often as realistically possible. Even a weekly Do Nothing Day can go a long way!

What Self Care Can Look Like

It depends on you – what would fill your proverbial cup?

A pretty popular method recently has been the idea of a “dopamine menu”, where you list activities you can enjoy for various periods of time (5 minute “appetizers”, hour long “main dishes”, etc). Then when you find yourself with some free time, you choose something off your “menu” instead of doom scrolling or binging TV.

I don’t find myself with very much free time, to be honest.

But I do take time daily to focus on the core necessities of wellness : body, mind, heart, & soul.

Body : intentional physical movement
Mind : reading, learning, creating
Heart : socializing (if even just a quick text to someone I haven’t heard from in a while)
Soul : meditation, spending time outside

And this is where the Excitement Map also comes in handy – If you’re having trouble deciding which activities would soothe your soul in each of those categories, you may find some inspiration from yourself in the map (or “fuck yeah list”, whatever you’d like to call it. 😊)

When You Just Can’t Even

Some days, you’re not gonna meditate or stretch or write affirmations — you’re just trying to exist. And that’s fine. You’re not lazy; you’re overloaded. On those “ugh” days, just show yourself some grace and lower the bar. Drink some water. Get outside and take a few breaths of fresh air. Blast a song that reminds you you’re still alive. Do one tiny thing that says, “I’m still trying.” That’s enough.

I’d love to hear what your go-to self care habits are when life gets messy. Drop them in the comments — I’m sure we could all use some ideas!

If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.

Rock on! 🤘🏻💚