Quick note : Hi there! I do have another post I’m trying to write to go along with the “unusual” love posts I’ve shared this past month, but I have been sick as fuck. Like…fuuuck! And so has everyone else in my home. So, I’ve fallen a bit behind. I’ll try to get that out next week, pinky swear 😉
In the meantime….
It’s a sandwich.
“Where I’m At” posts are just random updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.
planner : Yeah, I don’t know. I’m so thrown off right now, its not even funny. I’ll get back on track soon though. I’d like to plan some sort of family fun next month, be it bowling or a hotel visit, but we’ll see how everyone’s health goes, I suppose.
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Bleh! I’m…less sick; but I have some surprising health concerns since I started getting sick, which I’m looking further into. And since getting sick, my diet & exercise…didn’t get put on the back burner, it got thrown right off the stove 🤪 So, I’m slowly working my way back into routines. My brain’s doing pretty good though, considering and despite almost crippling anxiety over said health surprises. Workin’ on it…lol
marriage : Things are good. We take good care of each other and the kiddos, so I’m perpetually grateful for that.
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. Bubby kicked BooBoo in the face & now one of her teeth are a tiny bit loose, but I’m hoping it’ll resituate itself (omg please!!!!!) (Dentist visit coming ASAP, FML!) (Is this what it’s like having siblings? Cuz I didn’t have any. LOL UGH). Just found out both girls have astigmatism, & BooBoo’s been complaining of headaches lately – so, assuming they’re not just from her sister kicking her in the face, we’re working on getting her glasses this week. And both girls keep getting crazy tummy sickness randomly – they’ll be fine for a couple days, & then in hell for a day (I’m glad whatever this bug is affects me & hubby differently than them, geez!) Otherwise…the girls are doing great!!! 😅
Yes, there’s a bounce house in my living room occasionally.That blur is BooBoo.
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Due to sickness, school has been a little inconsistent. Still plowing through as best we can. BooBoo loves geography lately, and math. And Bubby’s gymnastics coaches are ready to throw her into the next level of classes because her skills are way too far beyond the level she’s forced into right now. She’s still enjoying it though 😊 Oh, AND she made a FRIEND!!! YAY!!!
zenBLITZ : As with diet & exercise, creativity has pretty much been thrown right off the stove the past couple weeks. I haven’t felt enough clarity to write, even when I try; and I haven’t had the energy to work on much else, though I did complete a couple of cool projects earlier this month (& I love them!!!) :
Completely handmade veg tan leather A6 “Traveler’s Notebook” cover (…I always fuck up the “B”! Ugh!)
Crochet spiral coaster
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Pfft! Everything’s fine, but… 😝 I had to cancel our annual crockpot party due to everyone feeling like death was upon them, so… Next month I’m planning to host an “Asian” themed dinner potluck – I’m thinking I’m gonna get some saki, sushi, order some unique snacks from Amazon, bust out all my cool chopsticks & nifty dinnerware from Wegmans, and bribe someone to pick up a couple meals from Taste of China (the best damn Chinese food I’ve ever had in my life!) So help me god, I don’t even care who’s sick, we’re having that party! 😆
(step) gramma : A new feature that I figured I’d add, because it’s proving to be a pretty important part of my life 🥰 – my step granddaughter!! We babysit her fairly often, & we love every second of it! She’s just over 6 months old now, & she’s very smiley & giggly & precious hehe. Both girls absolutely adore her, and BooBoo gets quite the kick out of making her giggle & feeding her her bottle.
Chiquita Banana
Currently
eating – Not much cuz FML I’m so sick of being sick…wah wah wah… 😂
drinking – Water. And tea. That’s about it. I haven’t even been drinking coffee (am I dying?!? LOL)
watching – YouTube. Lots & lots of YouTube.
reading – Still working on “The History of Love” by Nicole Krauss
playing – The Sims. Bubby got me back into The Sims Freeplay on my phone. I don’t know why I get so obsessed.
buying – Oh boy. Hubby’s been on a bit of a spree this month. (I’ve been behaving, for the most part.) First, he made me buy a 6 foot bouncey ball from Vat19.com. Now he wants me to finally get him a pirate ship bounce house / water slide thing (which I’m not opposed to because he’s wanted one since before we even met, plus it’ll be fun in the summer, especially at parties.) And NOW he also wants to buy back the Roger Rabbit golf cart car his friend bought out from under him when we first got engaged. So, brace yourself for some interesting pictures this summer 🤣
listening to – Heaters. I’ve very much been enjoying as much peace & quiet as I can possibly get lately lol
celebrating – Life. That’s the best thing to celebrate. Especially despite the chaos of the world.
pinning – leatherworking, steampunk aesthetics, self care, & crochet
planning – Asian dinner party, potential adventure
Relationships are complicated because everyone is different – and so is every relationship.
Some people prefer to be alone. Some prefer to be in “open” relationships, or polyamorous relationships. Some prefer the cultural institution of marriage.
What does a marriage involve anyway? Perpetual devotion, walking hand in hand into the daily sunset until death do you part? Cooking holiday dinners side by side, year after year? Banging wildly every chance you get? Ideally, I suppose.
But every relationship has its ups & downs. We all go through phases in life, and we all change to some degree over time.
Same with the evolution of relationships. There’s the initial spark, the early electricity, the optimism of marriage, perhaps adding kids into the mix…burning out a bit. Let’s be real here, yeah? Life rolls in plenty of storms. Can your relationship weather the challenges?
It’s important to honor the fantastic, idealized picture you may have in your mind of the way things are “supposed” be, but it’s equally important to question that picture and consider how to integrate it into reality.
When Love Stops Being Cinematic
Some quick personal background info :
I’m the type for long term relationships – I dated my high school sweetheart on & off for 5 years, I was with my ex fiance for nearly 11 years, and I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years now.
I don’t really believe in marriage… even though I’ve been married for almost 7 years. I mean, I guess I kinda do believe in marriage (LOL), but I feel like society pressures us to get married. And I obviously think people tend to change too drastically for a 50 year marriage to be realistic. Just being honest.
I started studying long term relationships & tantra as a teenager – I’ve always known long term relationships require copious amounts of “work” to keep things interesting. My husband’s the same, though somewhat unintentionally.
Also, my husband was married for 30 years before he met me. Let’s not get into that shitstorm though…
I’m not an expert on anything. (No one is.)
With that said…
Relationships inevitably move from performance to presence.
Love quietly shifts from novelty to the liminal space of coexisting with another unique human being who you (hopefully) continue to admire, adore, and fight the battles of life with. Spontaneity sways back & forth with responsibility. Parenting, exhaustion, and life logistics reshape intimacy – What shape it takes is up to both of you.
Perhaps intimacy at a certain point needs to be viewed as enjoying the journey, not the destination.
That is tantra.
The Unsexy Truths That Actually Sustain Love
Life is short and everyone changes. That’s the unsexy truth, the harsh reality, and… the beauty of life.
I’m not the same person I was when I started dating my husband, and he’s not the same person either. (Are you the same person you were a decade ago? Not likely. Or possible.)
I’m now in my 40s. Despite my best efforts, I’m still about thirty pounds heavier than I was a decade ago (thanks, kids! 😂). Everything hurts & I’m perpetually exhausted. Mentally & physically.
He’s now in his 60’s. Doing pretty well for a “boomer” though! 🤣 He’s grown his hair out (to my dismay), and he’s a little wrinklier than he was – but still a handsome SOB! He now has arthritis, constant pain from the slipped discs in his neck, and he seems to be allergic to, well, everything. And he occasionally has some fairly minor mental health issues due to an old TBI (or 2…or 5), including sleep issues. In other words, his everything also hurts & he’s also perpetually exhausted.
Over time, your body changes, your energy levels shift, your mental health may veer a little sideways at times, and…desire overall changes form.
This is normal. This is to be expected. Staying grounded in that reality helps sustain the connection.
Redefining Erotic Energy
If you did the math, you can tell my husband’s a bit older than I am. Quite a bit.
Before we even started dating, we each dumped all of our baggage out for the other to decide if they really wanted to help carry it all. (We both have a lot of baggage, LOL!)
One of the things he mentioned was that, because of his age, his dick didn’t work that great anymore.
I told him, “I don’t need your dick hard to make love to you”.
Saying that, I knew one of two things would happen – either, like a fucking snake charmer, it would come to attention & get to work, OR, I would have to prove my point.
Spoiler alert – both happened. 😆
Side note – neither of our kids are “little blue pill babies”.
How?
Let me tell you…
Tantra.
When most people hear the word tantra, they envision fucking for hours on end. And while prolonged intimacy can be part of tantra, focusing only on sex completely misses the philosophy.
Tantra is about enjoying the journey, without focus on the destination.
This philosophy is relevant far beyond the bedroom. This is viewing life itself as erotic – seeking pleasure & joy in every moment, not just sexually. It’s about living vibrantly.
In a long term relationship (or marriage), that implies :
paying attention to each other’s subtle clues about how the other is feeling
maintaining playfulness (my husband likes to dance-vacuum naked sometimes, when the kids aren’t around of course 😜)
finding joy in simply spending time together
being present with that time together
maintaining curiosity about who we’re becoming as a couple and as individuals
being affectionate throughout the day without the agenda of turning each other on
and, perhaps most importantly, loving what’s in front of us instead of grieving what once was, emotionally & physically
We try to steal quick moments to shove our tongues down each others’ throats. Of course, the kids tend to rush in, wanting to turn it into a group hug situation. Bless their little souls lol.
We help each other around the house, even if the other says, “that’s ok, I got it”. “The fuck you do; what can I do to help?”
We laugh at everything we can. We sneak adventures in whenever we can (antique stores aren’t nearly as nerdy as I once thought!)
We constantly try to share interest in each other.
And, on the rare occasion that children, physical pain, or exhaustion aren’t killing the mood, we make love for as long as we possibly can.
It’s a lot of effort. But anything worth doing requires effort.
And that’s tantra – putting in the effort to maintain joy, for ourselves, and for each other.
The Grief No One Warns You About
Maintaining that effort by finding compassion for each other throughout challenging experiences is the true test of a long term relationship. Keeping up with communication is a major challenge, notably for me.
Life can throw any number of curveballs at any time – illness, injury, emotional distress, financial stress, and the list goes on.
I often find myself grieving a past version of my husband – exploding with vibrant vitality, optimism, compassion for others, and unadulterated ambition. A neon fucking light in the dark. And while that’s still him at his core, life’s curveballs have hit him in the balls a few times over the years. Mine too.
Part of me resents his not-so-gradual turn to pessimistic rumination & general distaste for the majority of humanity. But I get it. (Kind of.) Resentment can coexist with devotion, with some effort. I try to be a “smart wife” – understand what he’s going through, approach it with curiosity & compassion, and keep trying to steer him back toward his own neon fucking light. Without losing my own in the process.
We’re all constantly evolving, & that can be a struggle at times. Patience and trust are essential virtues within committed relationships, of any kind.
Choosing Love as a Practice Instead of a Feeling
Love isn’t always easy – Effort itself is a major act of devotion.
So, start now.
Who do you love? And what do you do to remind them that they’re loved?
You can only buy so many colorful bouquets & heart-shaped boxes of sugar once a year before the thought doesn’t count for much anymore.
And like in Green Day’s song “Redundant” – “When ‘I love you’s’ not enough, I’m lost for words”.
Take it up a notch.
Plan an unusual date night. Dress up & sing a song (especially if you can’t sing). Bust out the handcuffs (everyone has handcuffs, right?)
My Valentine’s gift for hubby this year is a jar full of love notes – reasons why I’d still marry him today. He can pull one out on a day when I maybe tell him to go fuck himself, and be reminded that an occasional shitshow doesn’t define our entire relationship.
Do something. Consider it intentional maintenance, because all relationships are ecosystems which require tending.
This is the first piece of his work that I was introduced to :
her creativity is my kink.
there’s nothing more seductive
than her
stripping down
to her original essence,
soaked in a feral flow state,
birthing galaxies from her genius.
i want her barefoot on the hardwood,
dancing in paint,
whispering poetry
to the sunrise,
paid in ecstasy
and eye contact
for simply being alive.
i want her calendar filled with nothing
but creation and kisses.
i’m building a world where
she doesn’t need to clock in because
her beauty already bends time.
i want to pay the bills
so she can pay attention
to the parts of her
this world taught her to abandon.
her job description?
bloom until the garden can’t
contain her.
her only responsibility?
reminding gravity
it can’t keep a woman like her
down.
her uniform?
poetry so naked
that truth feels overdressed.
her boss?
the rhythm of her breath.
her references?
the god that studied her heart
before creating
heaven.
the angels
birthed from the art
of her unedited expression.
her entire employment history
can be summed up in one line:
hired by life itself,
to remind every soul watching
that existence is
erotic.
she moans differently
when she’s dripping
in theta waves.
if i’m gonna be a provider,
let me provide her with overtime pay
to nap naked in the sunlight
on a thursday
while the wind writes love songs in her hair.
lingerie is cute and all,
but have you ever seen the lost art
of her unclenching her shoulders
and spreading open inside
her own limitlessness?
now.
that.
is.
fucking.
sexy.
If my husband were a writer, that’s what I know he would’ve written for me when we first got together. So reading that poem brings up a lot of feels.
It represents the ideal of being fully witnessed & adored.
That’s the “north star”.
Long term, love isn’t always living inside that ideal – but it can still orbit it.
Through the chaos of life & children, we make sure to show that we still see each other. We make sure we still give & take each other’s support, even if more imperfectly than before. And we make sure to maintain space in our lives for creativity & aliveness.
That’s the tantra.
Love as Evolution
People change, relationships change… Such is life. If we weren’t constantly changing, we wouldn’t constantly be growing. And that would be bad.
Change is good. “The only constant in life is change”, as Heraclitus said. Permanence is an illusion.
But to keep life enjoyable, you need to put in the work. And enjoy the work in the process.
Stay curious, especially with your loved ones, and stay real. That’s the only advice I can truly give.
Relationships don’t stay alive on autopilot. They stay alive through curiosity, humor, forgiveness, and effort.
If this resonated with you, take five minutes today to do something intentionally loving – for your partner, or for yourself.
What’s one small way you could nurture connection today?
And I’d love to hear your experience – what has long-term love taught you that no one warned you about?
I stumbled across the idea of “romanticizing your life” a while back, & it kind of struck me – why would you really want to romanticize anything else?
Little did I know, this phrase was a “trend” (I’m always out of the loop, which is where I belong 😅).
To me, romanticizing your life isn’t about aesthetic perfection, pretending everything is awesome, or assuming you’re failing if your life isn’t curated like it belongs in an art gallery.
It’s simply holding the mindset of presence & intent throughout your days. It’s a way of looking at the ordinary moments. It’s practicing mindfulness.
Romanticizing your life is about attention, not aesthetics.
What It Actually Looks Like (In Real Life)
Noticing Small Sparks
The fleeting moments that make you pause, such as snow glittering in the sunshine or a genuine smile from a stranger. Always be looking for insight, hope, meaning, joy – no one can give it to you, you need to find it for yourself. And you absolutely can, the more you look for it.
I try to write down the little things throughout the day that I enjoy, as part of my journaling practice. It’s uplifting to read even a year or so down the road & remember how the surplus of birds chirping in the big tree on the side of my house made me feel in that moment. 🥰
Hesitating in Boring Moments
Before grabbing your phone to numb out all of your boredom and stress, ask yourself : What do I actually want to be doing right now?
Is there anything that could make this moment more fulfilling?
Treating Ordinary Moments as Worth Recording
Not because they’re impressive or profound to anyone (including you), but because they’re yours.
All the little moments put together are the story of your life. It’s worth making notes of. (And, perhaps, sharing?)
Why Journaling Matters Here : Time Blur & Memory
I always feel like everything I do throughout the weeks just blends together – days feel like weeks, weeks like months, and so on – and I’m left feeling like nothing’s actually happened.
That’s why I review my daily notes often. I condense dailies into weeklies, weeklies into monthlies, and so on – It helps me get a clearer perspective on what I’ve accomplished, what fun I’ve had, and what insights I’ve gained over time. And why.
For me, journaling throughout the day and planning joy for the future are anchors in time. Control over future feelings. Proof that I’m living my life (not just existing). And forcing my perception of time to slow down by paying attention to it as it passes.
When you document your life, time stops erasing it.
Romanticizing Your Life as Self-Choice
You don’t need permission to enjoy your life.
You need to choose yourself inside the roles you play in your life.
As a wife & mom, I constantly feel guilt pulling at my heartstrings for craving autonomy & independence. But I’m not just a wife & mom – I’m a badass 😉
I know who the fuck I am, and I need to go out into the world & just be me sometimes – going to concerts by myself, running errands by myself, taking myself out to sushi & write in the dining area at Wegman’s. I love my family, & I do plenty of fun stuff with them.
But presence includes choosing to honor yourself & your needs, not disappearing into obligation.
Tools That Support the Perspective
Even amidst times of chaos, these are tools that have supported my passion for living my life. Of course, these are ideas, not requirements.
Journaling – (If you haven’t noticed, I’m quite a fan.) Even when I’m tired or have had a boring day, I’ll at least write a simple word in my monthly log to summarize the day. Even if that word is “BLEH!”
Planning – (Also a fan.) Planners are fun because they can be used for a lot of things beyond tracking dreadful appointments. Because I homeschool my kids, I abuse my planner, but it definitely helps me figure out where & when I can fit in adventures to local hiking spots or museums (with or without the fam). However, planners can also be used as memory keepers – I make one for my husband every year, using a “Hobonichi Weeks” style planner, where I write a highlight of the day every day & add photos weekly. Just an idea. 😊
Weekly / Monthly Reflections – I make sure that I browse through my daily notes once a week to reflect on what I’ve done & contemplated, and compile the useful stuff onto its own page; sometimes I’ll expand on those notes, sometimes I don’t. Monthly, I review my weekly reflections & do the same thing. This process gives me a lot of valuable perspective over time.
Who This Is For
You. If you’ve read this far, this is definitely for you.
You crave beauty & fulfillment but hate bullshit
Maybe you feel bored, stuck, or numb
You want more meaning without blowing up your life
You feel something missing but don’t want a fantasy fix
Romanticize your life by paying attention & living each moment with intention.
You don’t need a better life — you need to be present in the one you have.
Document one ordinary moment today. Get sensual about it, if you want – “that sip of coffee was perfectly warm on this frigid day, and slapped me to attention like a sumo wrestler warming up for a match”.
And plan one small, meaningful thing – just for you. (Even it’s just grocery store sushi.)
If this resonated, share it with someone who’s tired of numb scrolling — or bookmark it for the next time time feels slippery.
Since February is the season of love, I thought I’d write a focused series of posts throughout the month. Don’t worry, they’re not the typical bullshit. I’m thinking self love, romanticizing your life, long term relationships, and “weird” relationships… everything with a bit of a “twist”. 💚 Stay with me here…
Reframing February
The concept of self-love feels lame because it became performative, sanitized, and dishonest – Insta-worthy bubble baths & all that shit. It isn’t lame on its own, but the way it’s portrayed certainly is.
February doesn’t need more aesthetic self-care “advice”.
This post is intended as a humane, grounded, and lived-in reset.
Self love about staying with yourself, not futile attempts toward fixing yourself at the spa.
What “Self-Love” Actually Is (and Isn’t)
Self-love is something I choose when my mind is consumed with perceived chaos.
Sometimes it doesn’t feel good in the moment – it shows up later as steadiness, clarity, or less self-abandonment.
It lives in the thoughts you repeat about yourself – all of yourself.
Sometimes you have to say “fuck you” to your self depreciating bullshit and choose yourself anyway.
The “Self-Love Is Cringe” Problem
The cringe associated with it is a social survival reflex.
Just as much as we’re pressured by the media to indulge in often frivolous acts of self care, we’re also pressured to “hustle, grind, rewind” – push through & ignore anything that gets in the way.
Growing up, caring openly often wasn’t “safe” for me. Especially considering all of the grief my mother’s family has dealt with (ALS, Grief, and Growing Up Too Fast) – I was raised (as I know most of us are) to ignore my feelings & push through tough situations. Which, at times, can be beneficial. But it catches up to us all eventually.
“Softness” wasn’t modeled for most of us – for better and worse.
Self-love isn’t about erasing our shadows – It’s about integrating them so that they stop running the show from the background.
I try hard to let myself work with what I usually keep hidden, through my writing, my artwork & crafts, and journaling. When something is making me feel uncomfortable, I often ask myself why, and what positive & productive things can I do with this?
Self-love is choosing presence over avoidance.
Journaling as a Nervous System Practice
Journaling can be a great way to practice presence and soothe your nervous system – It’s a place to contain & converse with your demons when needed, and stay with yourself while you figure everything out.
There’s something about handwriting such that I personally I would suggest using an analog journal over digital – it forces you to slow down & examine your thoughts completely. Whatever method you choose is up to you of course, for the sake of privacy if nothing else. It doesn’t need to be seen by anyone but you.
It isn’t about writing well, it’s about maintaining presence. A sentence or two is enough if that’s all you have the time or energy for on any given day.
The 7-Day Self-Love Journaling Experiment Overview
On the topic of journaling, I’d like to invite you to try a quick little experiment!
The purpose of this experiment is to slow your nervous system, build trust with yourself, and create a place to land your chaos.
Day one will contain the whole practice, while the following days are optional expansions – so even one day counts!
If you miss a day: Nothing is ruined. Come back when you’re ready.
And remember – Self-love isn’t about consistency, it’s about returning to who the fuck you are.
Day 1: The Self-Love Letter
Write a letter to you as though you’re an outside observer who knows your personal history. No positivity performing, no shaming, no fixing.
Start by naming your current emotional state without judgment, just as a basis to understand the tone of the letter if you were to read it months from now.
Then reflect on the challenging situations you’ve dealt with in your life, being sure to acknowledge your resilience and any lessons you’ve learned or personality strengths you’ve gained through those experiences.
Express gratitude for your growth where it feels appropriate – Gratitude is acknowledgment, not unfounded praise.
Develop some affirmations if you’d like – Affirmations are for orientation, they’re not always hype. (Some fun examples – “I am a badass”, “Be yourself, fuck all”, “Live vibrantly”, or “Alchemize the fire within”.)
Skip anything that feels forced.
Days 2–7: Optional Expansions
Day 2: Naming Without Fixing
(Presence & containment)
Today is about noticing, not solving. Naming something doesn’t make it bigger — it makes it clearer.
What emotions keep resurfacing lately, even when you try to ignore them?
If you weren’t required to “do anything” about them, what would they want you to know?
What are you already doing to survive this season of life, even if it doesn’t look impressive?
Day 3: The Parts You Keep Private
(Shadow integration, gently)
This is for the things you don’t usually say out loud. You don’t need to like these parts. Just let them exist on the page.
What part of yourself do you tend to hide because it feels inconvenient, messy, or “too much”?
When did you first learn that this part wasn’t welcome?
How might this part be trying to protect you, even imperfectly?
Day 4: Slowing the Nervous System
Write slowly today. Let your body lead. This can be a list. Or a single sentence. Or a deep breath and a word.
How does your body feel right now — not metaphorically, literally?
What helps you feel even 5% more settled?
What does “good enough” look like today?
Day 5: Identity, Mood, and Self-Trust
(Who you are when you’re not performing)
Who are you when no one is watching?
What do you do, like, or need that doesn’t make sense to anyone else?
What parts of your identity feel most stable right now?
Day 6: Boundaries as Care
(Self-love in action)
Think structure, not restriction – Boundaries aren’t punishment; they’re containment.
Where do you feel most drained lately?
What boundary (time, space, energy, emotional) would support you right now?
What’s one small way you already protect yourself — even if it’s imperfect?
Day 7: Staying With Yourself
(Integration & closure)
Let’s close the loop without pressure. You don’t have to carry this perfectly – just honestly.
What did you learn about yourself this week?
Where did you show up for yourself, even quietly?
What would it look like to continue “staying” with yourself moving forward?
Lived Authority
As much as I love my family, I protect my morning routine ruthlessly. It’s become a very firm boundary that I maintain in my daily life. Otherwise, I find myself buried under other people in my ears, demanding my attention, all day long.
My morning routine is forced space for other things that are important to me such as reading, writing, movement, & meditation.
Self-love often looks like structured self care – Not indulgence, but an intentional nervous system reset.
Ultimately, for me, it’s a boundary for my family and for me.
Utilizing self-love and practicing self-care during genuinely challenging seasons taught me something important: I can endure chaos. And I can come out prouder, steadier, and more confident on the other side.
It’s about staying with myself.
This isn’t a prescription. It’s an invitation.
You’re the only person you’ll live with your entire life, so you’re allowed to honor yourself.
Self-love doesn’t need to be cringe.
And journaling is a real, usable resource.
If this resonated, you might try one sentence in a notebook tonight. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Returning counts.
If you want more grounded practices like this, feel free to subscribe to my blog – no hype, no fixing, just honest tools for staying with yourself.
Stay tuned for more “offbeat” love related topics this February!
And if you share this post, make sure to pass it to someone who hates ‘self-love’ content. 😉
“Where I’m at” posts are just updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.
planner : I’m pretty excited, actually 🫠 I’m hoping to get back into planning parties this year, starting with our annual Crockpot & Retro Video Games party this month. I think it’ll be fun. Homeschool planning & meal planning are done for the month, so…yippie. And we gotta pick a day to go bowling!
self : Doing…pretty good, lol. Winter has my whole body, especially my sinuses, pretty cranky – no humidifier is powerful enough for this shit! But I’m been maintaining my mindful diet (for the most part) & my exercise routines (which I altered to allow for daily yoga, tai chi, & meditation). I’m not really losing much weight, but I’m not gaining any either! So that’s good. And despite occasional brain fog (cuz I sleep like absolute shit), I’m getting a bit more clear headed. I think. And I’ve been making more time for creative pursuits, which is pretty fulfilling.
marriage : Doing pretty good. We’re always trying to find ways to adjust & keep ourselves (& each other) entertained, hehe
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. Again, no injuries to report, so…yay 😅 They’re both having a lot of fun with the kid’s makeup kit I got Bubby for her birthday. Oh, we went to Rainforest Cafe for Bubby’s bday, per her request. She loves that place!
I can’t believe my Bubby’s 5!!! 😭
homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : School’s going well. Bubby’s really enjoying the “Playing Preschool” curriculum, & she’s learning a lot, but she does miss doing computer work heh. BooBoo loves math (she even wrote up some math facts for Bubby on her birthday card, to “help her out for next year” lol!), and she also loves learning to play the “piano” (the keyboard we got for Xmas), especially the YouTube tutorials for K Pop Demon Hunters songs 🤪
zenBLITZ : Doing pretty good here. I’m ahead enough on my blog posts, and I created a “quote board” to post favorite quotes on my Facebook page. No progress on my novella, though – I haven’t had much time (or urge) to work on it lately, but that’s fine. I’ve been doing quite a bit of leather crafting & crochet, when I have time.
She’s more enthused than she looks, I swear 😂
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Yeah. Whatever. LOL. So help me god, we will being taking a trip this year!!!
witch : Daily yoga & meditation has been plenty fulfilling for me lately, hehe
Currently
eating – Soup. I love me some soup. 😋
drinking – Tea, wine, Skrewball peanut butter whiskey in my coffee sometimes
watching – The Traitors, Doom Patrol, leathercraft videos on YouTube
reading – Tao Te Ching, The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, & I just finished Show Your Work by Austin Kleon. I also finished “The Last Time They Met” by Anita Shreve, don’t know if I mentioned that – holy fuck what a slap in the face!
playing – Coin Master, Roblox
buying – Stuff I might need next month because I need a “no buy” month 😅
listening to – Saviors (album) by Green Day – Goodnight Adeline 💚
celebrating – Valentine’s Day? Candlemas! (Being halfway through this very wintery winter is definitely worth celebrating!)
“New year, new you!” You know that’s bullshit, on so many levels.
For one thing, pushing the reset button on the calendar year doesn’t change anything other than a number. People change over time — often quietly, unevenly, and without clean timelines – the dates don’t matter at all.
For another thing, there’s nothing wrong with you such that you need to completely “reinvent yourself” or whatever – Goals are intended for self respect, not self shaming or punishment for not being “good enough”. Everyone could benefit from improving their lives in certain ways, at certain times.
So, while I am writing this post for the new year, I’m going to share some reflections, practical steps, and a loving nudge for all of us to get our proverbial shits together whenever we need it, throughout the year.
Let’s be intentional about how we design our lives, shall we?
Step 1: Reflect Like You Mean It
(You might want to spread these reflection prompts out over a few days. Or weeks, whatever you need to do. 😉)
A. Role Review
Make a list of all of your roles in your life – whatever applies to you.
For example, mine are : myself, wife, mom, homeschool teacher, creator, & household manager.
It might seem like some of those things overlap, and they do because they’re collectively my life, but they’re also separate responsibilities.
What roles in your life carry their own responsibilities – are you a student? A volunteer? And even if your kids are adults, they still count, now just as much as ever.
Once you have your list, go through each role individually & ask yourself the following :
How do I feel about this area, as far as the associated responsibilities & the general vibe?
Why?
What, if anything, would I like to improve here?
No self judgment, just be honest.
If a role feels heavy or resentful, that’s information — not failure.
B. Define Your Ideal Life
Perfection isn’t reality.
Without that in mind, get wild with this one!
What, ideally, would make your life feel peak vibrant, authentic, & exhilarating? Spend a few minutes writing it out.
Make this personal: values-based, vision-based, aesthetic, emotional, or messy.
Dream big!
C. Optional Reflection Prompts
A few more things to ask yourself, if you’d like :
Where in my life am I proud of myself?
Where am I drained?
What’s one thing I’d change immediately if I could?
Step 2: Choose a Word of the Year
This doesn’t need to be too drawn out, and it doesn’t need to be for a whole calendar year.
Pick an anchor word to help you focus your efforts on for now – if it changes, change is good. Just pick one at a time, a truth to lean into for a while to serve as a compass & a reminder of the direction you’re going (which is forward 😉).
Examples I’ve used in the past : simplify, intent, & embody.
Write it somewhere you’ll see it regularly. Make a Canva design & hang it on your wall. Tattoo it on your arm if that’s your thing. Just don’t forget your reminder.
Step 3: The Brain Dump
Set a timer for at least five minutes and free write a list of anything on your mind. And, while you’re at it, everything.
No filtering, no performing as though it’s intended for anyone but you. Just get it all out of your head & onto paper.
Some loose categories to consider : Life + Work + Health + Wealth + Relationships. Maybe even consider some things from your “Fuck Yeah list” or childhood hobbies.
If your brain dump feels overwhelming, that’s the point — you’re emptying the clutter.
Step 4: Prioritize Intentionally
Go back through your brain dump and sort through it :
Hell Yes (non-negotiables or deeply aligned)
Maybe (park for later)
Hell No (things you’re carrying out of guilt or habit) – cross these right out
Then sort through the “Hell Yes” again, as well as your previous reflections – what things take priority for you, right now? What’s important to your wellbeing & sense of self? You really want to minimize this list as much as possible (no more than 2 or 3 things).
Step 5 : Identify the Why
For these priorities, ask yourself why those things matter to you.
Dig deep — the root motivation, the thing that will keep you going during slumps. Does it relate to your values, your identity, your direction in life?
Ask yourself – “If I lose motivation, what truth about this goal will get my ass in gear?”
Step 6: Build the Plan (Projects + Systems)
There are two main ways to execute on most goals – systems & projects.
Projects are time bound, outcome based goals with a definitive ending point. For example, planning a vacation or launching a product.
Systems are repeated behaviors, such as habits, routines, & processes. For example, I have my morning & evening routines, and our homeschool routine – all of these things include habits that better my life (& my kids), which is always the goal.
Pick no more than 1–3 major projects to work on or systems to develop to focus on this quarter.
An Optional Perspective : Experiments
If you have a bit more of a scientific mind, it may be helpful to view these new projects & systems as experiments.
Include:
Hypothesis
Test (action)
Evaluate
Implement or Pivot
“Experiments” remove failure-shame, because they’re just experiments. Try a thing, and if it doesn’t work, try something else.
Keep Yourself Accountable (Gently)
Some people like to tell their loved ones or an online community about their goals to help keep them accountable – they can keep those people updated on their progress.
While I kind of do that here on my blog a little bit, I prefer the visuals of habit tracking in my planners and reflecting regularly in my journals.
Whatever you do, choose something that feels supportive, not punishing if you don’t (or can’t) follow through.
Reflection + Adjustment
Reflection is key, especially if that’s your main accountability protocol.
Even if it’s not, you should definitely ask yourself regularly what’s working with your progress, what’s not working, and how you can make things better or easier for yourself.
For myself, I check off my habit tracker daily. Weekly, I review & see how the week went. And then monthly, I review my weekly reflections & see what I need to adjust.
Your timeframes & means of reflection may be different, but it’s essential to do if you want to see continuous improvements in life.
Real-Life Examples From My Current Goals
For nearly a year now, I’ve been focusing on a few things – my physical health, my writing & creativity, homeschooling, & my marriage. All of these things are major priorities for me for their own reasons, and that hasn’t changed.
For my health goals, I have a daily health log on Notion where I keep myself accountable for the food I eat throughout the days (I can be a bit of an “emo eater” sometimes). I keep a separate analog journal to log my weights & what exercise I do on a daily basis. Weekly, I review these logs & reflect on how I did in my analog journal. (And it’s been pretty neat seeing how my weights have changed over the course of months!)
I track what writing I get done daily in another analog notebook, and reflect on that each week as well. I never feel like I’m getting anything done, but my notebook reminds me that I do get stuff done & encourages me to keep at it!
We follow curricula for most of the girls’ homeschooling, and I’m constantly asking myself if we’re moving along at a reasonable pace. I adjust accordingly, and I keep track of progress on Notion, which makes it super easy when it comes to writing up quarterly reports!
Closing
You certainly don’t need a perfect plan to start, you just need to know where you want to go and what first steps to take on the journey.
One honest step is more powerful than a polished vision board.
Treat the coming year as an experiment in becoming more you, & let’s see where it takes us!
If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.
If you’re comfortable, share your word of the season or one priority in the comments — I love seeing how people design their lives differently!
And if you’d like to watch a video I enjoyed that kind of plays in to what this article was about, check this out 👇
With all the options out there, how do you know which one to choose? Do you even need a reinvented method?
You don’t need a “perfect system.” You need a system that actually fits your life.
Let’s try to figure that out…
Keep It Simple, Stupid. (KISS)
Some people tend to overbuild: too many trackers, too many spreads, too much pressure.
Why?
Sometimes it can be fun, but eventually you’ll likely burn yourself out.
The real red flag: you’re not using it OR it feels like it’s going to explode. Literally.
Focus on minimalism over aesthetic chaos, or too much “quantified self” data that you’ll realistically never give a shit about (ie: 12 mood trackers, tracking water intake by color, etc.)
Focus on what you actually need.
What You Really Need to Plan For
Grab a piece of paper or your journal – it’s list time!
What do you feel the need to plan for in the first place?
Everyone has universal categories :
Appointments & time-specific stuff
Goals / Habits
What else? For me personally, I also need to plan for :
Family adventures
Homeschool
Meal planning
Now ask yourself about each – Does this category make my life easier, or am I adding it because I feel like I should? Cross out the unnecessary & don’t worry about it!
The fewer categories you depend on, the longer the system lasts.
What To Do If Your System Feels Boring
Boring is fine. If it works, don’t fix it.
Consistency is boring. But boring is how you get results.
Overhaul cravings usually mean the current system never felt quite as effective as it needs to be. Ask yourself “why?”
Some small refresh ideas:
Simplify back to only the essentials
Switch up a layout
Add minimal decoration, color, or a theme
Reduce screens by intentionally using paper moments
Pre-Made Planner vs. Build-Your-Own
There are certainly benefits to both.
Pre-made = great for beginners, busy people, and those who hate setup.
DIY = great for people with unique schedules, neurodiverse brains, or flexible lifestyles.
Ask yourself : Do you want structure handed to you? Or do you want the freedom to build something more flexible?
Digital vs. Paper: Choosing Your Tools
Personally, I use both.
Notion strengths:
Holds everything.
Organizes long-term projects, archives, info-dumps, and complex systems.
Perfect for the behind-the-scenes life management.
Paper strengths:
Screen-free
Immediate
Great for daily/weekly overview
Helps cut down distractions
Good for grounding & simplicity
Hybrid = the best of both worlds.
Your planner doesn’t have to be one thing.
Avoiding Planning Fatigue
You don’t need January 1st to start fresh; you can start on any random Tuesday!
Consider your life as a collection of seasons, not years — winter rhythms vs. spring energy vs. summer chaos.
Adjust as life shifts.
(And don’t overdo it!)
My Personal Setup
As I said, I use a hybrid setup as my planning system.
Above is a screenshot of my main Notion dashboard. It’s an adaptation of Tiago Forte’s “PARA Method” (projects, areas, resources, archive) – planner, roles, interests, & archive.
For me, I don’t have any projects that aren’t related to my “roles”, so that section is just my planner – mostly a calendar & running to do lists.
“Roles” are ongoing areas of my life – mostly health (physical & mental), homeschooling, zen BLITZ, & home stuff (shopping lists, budgeting & bills, etc). Each role has its own page with its own databases – for example, my physical health has my workouts so I can cycle through them, & mental health includes my daily journal!
“Interests” holds things that aren’t directly related to my roles – so, information about people, books, restaurants, etc.
And the archive is where things go to die cuz I’ll probably never need them…but maybe I will. 😅
Obviously, you don’t need to use PARA — this is just what works for me.
And this is my Happy Planner Mini. (Nevermind the Fruit Loops stain from my kiddo – that’s part of the charm of analog 😂)
In here, I have monthly calendars so I have a nice overview of things going on, weekly overviews, and daily stuff so I don’t have to look at my phone a zillion times a day.
Obviously, I print my own paper & don’t know how to format it properly for my dumbass printer, but that’s irrelevant. It’s cheap & customizable.
This satiates my desire for a proper “Bullet Journal”. For the most part.
Review
Start with what matters and ignore everything else.
Don’t force yourself into a planner that looks good but doesn’t work.
You don’t need a brand-new system — you just need one that fits your actual life, right now.
Planning is supposed to support you, not stress you out.
Start small. Adjust as needed.
Start with what matters. Ignore the rest. If you like this vibe, hit ‘like,’ share it, and follow along — more rebellious simplicity coming soon.
I recently came across a selfie from about 15 years ago — same hairstyle, same vibe as a selfie I took this summer. Around the same time, I heard the phrase “this is who I am now.” And it got me thinking – who the fuck am I now? Turns out, I’m a lot of things…..
I am punk rock.
I do things my way, but humbly, without arrogance. I try not to judge, I try to approach difficult situations with loving kindness, and I revel in finding calm amidst chaos.
I am a wife.
I married the single coolest and most loving human being I’ve ever met, and we’ve been together for 8 years now. Through thick & thin. We’ve literally jumped through hell for each other.
I am a mom.
Of 2 beautiful, unique, intelligent, loving, creative, independent as hell little girls. They love climbing rocks, foraging for snacks in the yard, and catching toads all while wearing princess dresses & sparkly pink nail polish.
I am a homeschooler.
I love being able to cuddle my kids while helping them learn. I love figuring out their unique nuances, and interests, and seeing where these things take us on a daily basis. And I love creating space for adventures in our everyday life, to show them there’s always lessons to learn wherever you’re willing to look.
I am a creator.
A writer, a crocheter, a digital designer. A “Jill of many trades”. I just wish I could find time to make money off this shit lol!
I am the household manager.
I handle meal planning, groceries, budgeting, bills, cleaning, travel plans, party plans…just about everything.
I am a “chaos witch”.
I mostly practice hearthcraft, and protection & healing magick. My practice is…very much on the back burner to everything else in my life, but I do sneak in little bits of magick here & there.
I was a reseller for a few years.
I enjoyed the whole process, and I enjoyed providing fun things to people who got excited over the often silly things I’d offered. I just didn’t have the time or space to let it grow, and that’s fine.
I was a student a couple times.
I’ve studied psychology, neurology, business, and education. I even tutored psychology one semester (and my student did awesome!), and I was a “peer advisor” a couple times! Never followed through for a degree though, and that’s fine.
I was a patient care assistant in an emergency department for a bit.
I loved the autonomy, the diversity of situations, and the sheer volume of unique patient interactions. And the patients & visitors loved me…because I’m patient, smart, & I genuinely give a fuck. I just couldn’t stand 96% of my coworkers, and that’s fine.
I’ve been a caregiver for most of my life.
For grandparents, parents, friends, and loved ones; throughout illnesses, injuries, and psychological chaos. It’s part of how I was raised, and part of just who the fuck I am.
So that’s me — messy, evolving, and unapologetically real.
Now it’s your turn: Who the fuck are you today? Drop a comment or share this post with someone finding themselves again.
If my words made you smile, nod, or roll your eyes in recognition — hit “like,” share it, or subscribe for more real talk on life, growth, and chaos.
Keep it raw, keep it real. And rock the fuck on. 🤘💚
Everyone has a story worth telling. Even if you think yours is boring, messy, or not original – it is yours, and that makes it powerful.
The world’s drowning in noise, but human honesty still cuts through like feedback at a punk show – AI can’t create real emotion or lived experience, try as it might.
Nothing Is New — But You Are
Literally everything that can be said & done, has been. Nothing’s truly “original” anymore. And that’s ok!
What is unique is your lens — your collection of scars, triumphs, and weird little details. Nobody has ever experienced all the details put together that make up your story, which is a beautiful thing.
And every time you share one of your many truths, someone else out in the world feels a little less alone.
The Healing Power of Sharing
On my second day working the floor as a patient care assistant in an ER, I came across a patient who had ALS & his wife. He was nearing the end, and my job for the moment was to hold his hand & try to keep him calm while he was intubated. It was heartbreaking, knowing a little bit about what he’d been though, & was about to go through, and the same for his wife, because of my own experiences in a caregiver’s role with the disease.
His wife was devastated; she knew what was coming in the days ahead. So, I sat beside her and talked – I introduced myself, mentioned a little bit about my family history with ALS & the caregiver role I’d found myself in, and offered a friendly soul to help her with whatever she needed while in my department (”a warm blanket? Coffee? A hug? I’m not far; I’ve got you!”)
I was asked to help escort him to the ICU when he was deemed stable enough for transport. At the entrance, I was told I could go back to the ER & his wife was told to stay at the door until he was successfully transferred. Overwhelming grief consumed her, and understandably so. So I held her while she cried, gave her a compassionate little pep talk based on what I’d gone through, and stayed until she was invited in with her husband.
Point is, telling your stories can heal you and someone else. That day I saw that stories aren’t just meant to be told — they’re meant to be handed off like torches, sharing some light in moments of darkness.
Finding Your People
The ones who don’t get it will judge — they always have, always will. But honesty attracts the right people, the ones who’ve been waiting for someone like you to speak up.
“Your people” aren’t found through perfection — they’re found through realness. And the more you share your stories, the more your people will find you.
Boundaries and Bravery
All that said, here’s a quick note on discernment — not everything needs to be public, and oversharing can sometimes hurt more than help. It’s always best practice to keep your private information away from the internet altogether as much as possible, and you should never say anything that would hurt yourself or anyone else in any way. Of course, there are exceptions to these “rules”. Thus, discernment.
But don’t let the simple fear of judgment silence you. Everything you say could go either way — and that’s okay.
Bravery isn’t about ignoring fear; it’s about telling the truth anyway. If someone doesn’t like it & decides to troll? – FUCK ‘EM! They’re not you, and oftentimes those who lash out do so out of fear or the inability to understand. And that’s fine – you do you.
The Punk Rock of Humanity & Humility
In a world that’s increasingly artificial (AI, social media perfection, etc.), your realness is your rebellion.
Every time you tell your story honestly, you’re flipping off the illusion of perfection. (And all perfection is illusion!)
Celebrate your chaos, your cringe, your truth by sharing it with the world — it’s what makes you irreplaceable.
Write it, paint it, sing it, whisper it into the void. Someone out there needs to hear it — maybe even you.
If this spoke to you, share it with someone who’s been holding their story back – The world needs more real voices!
And if you want more unapologetic inspiration like this, hit “like,” subscribe, and keep telling your truth.
I know I’ve vaguely mentioned some family chaos that’s occurred over the past few years – It settled down a bit earlier this year, & burnout from the whole situation set in for me.
I’m still burned out. And the chaos has reignited, in (not so) fun new ways.
So, what to do?!?
Focus on self care while plowing through the chaos- that’s all I can do.
Why Self Care Is Non-Negotiable
When you’re dealing with a bunch of shit in life, burnout is inevitable. You can push through all you want, but eventually you’re going to crash & burn.
It might not stop burnout, but it cushions the crash. In my experience, at least. (And I have more than my share of experience in this department, unfortunately.)
Of course, in the midst of true chaos, you probably don’t want to do anything. We all tend toward distraction in the forms of media or comfort foods, or whatever your unhelpful coping mechanism of choice may be.
That’s precisely when you need to shift your focus to self care – Make it just as much of a priority as the bullshit you’re dealing with. You need to maintain focus on your responsibilities, of course, but you also need to focus on your responsibilities to yourself.
Doing so will probably help with whatever emotional fuel is ruminating and adding to the dumpster fire of stress in your head.
When to Practice (Even When You’re Burned Out)
This depends on your situation, of course.
Mornings or evenings (or, ideally, both) seem to work for most people – Whenever you can find some peace to focus on your own wellbeing, if even just for short periods of time.
Figure out what times work best for you, and make an appointment with yourself – if not daily, as often as realistically possible. Even a weekly Do Nothing Day can go a long way!
What Self Care Can Look Like
It depends on you – what would fill your proverbial cup?
A pretty popular method recently has been the idea of a “dopamine menu”, where you list activities you can enjoy for various periods of time (5 minute “appetizers”, hour long “main dishes”, etc). Then when you find yourself with some free time, you choose something off your “menu” instead of doom scrolling or binging TV.
I don’t find myself with very much free time, to be honest.
But I do take time daily to focus on the core necessities of wellness : body, mind, heart, & soul.
Body : intentional physical movement
Mind : reading, learning, creating
Heart : socializing (if even just a quick text to someone I haven’t heard from in a while)
Soul : meditation, spending time outside
And this is where the Excitement Map also comes in handy – If you’re having trouble deciding which activities would soothe your soul in each of those categories, you may find some inspiration from yourself in the map (or “fuck yeah list”, whatever you’d like to call it. 😊)
When You Just Can’t Even
Some days, you’re not gonna meditate or stretch or write affirmations — you’re just trying to exist. And that’s fine. You’re not lazy; you’re overloaded. On those “ugh” days, just show yourself some grace and lower the bar. Drink some water. Get outside and take a few breaths of fresh air. Blast a song that reminds you you’re still alive. Do one tiny thing that says, “I’m still trying.” That’s enough.
I’d love to hear what your go-to self care habits are when life gets messy. Drop them in the comments — I’m sure we could all use some ideas!
If you liked this post, please give it a “like”, share it with friends, and subscribe if you’re new.
zen BLITZ 