Tag: holistic wellness

Where I’m at #22

Where I'm At
We love chasing waterfalls 😆

“Where I’m at” posts are just monthly updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life...

I’m tired.

So, I had to ask myself – What’s making me so tired?

And then I realized…

The million mini mountains I try to climb on a daily basis – of inspiration, affection, adventures, education, & so on. It’s exhausting.

But it’s fulfilling. It’s resilience. Adaptability. Agency.

It’s a matter of indulging in life, instead of watching it happen.

“Memento Vivere”, because “Memento Mori” – I’ve personally had enough reminders to take it to heart. 💚

Maybe I just need regularly scheduled siestas… 😉

  • planner : Hmm…planning? Still doing our little adventures. Nothing too crazy planned for July… It’ll be me & hubby’s 7 year wedding anniversary, so we might have a steampunk party – I don’t feel like doing one, but we probably should, heh. I hate hosting parties cuz my anxiety goes haywire, but they’re not for me, they’re for his family to have a reason to get together, so…shuddup, anxiety! I don’t think I’m really planning much else in particular, so we’ll see where the summer takes us 🫠
  • self (body & mind) : Eggggggh. I finally got some answers about my back – I have “degeneration & misalignment on L5 into SI”, so basically the base of my spine is a fucker. And I’ve been feeling some excruciating pain in that exact spot for over a decade now. Weird thing is, the middle of my spine feels fucked up, but nothing shows on x-rays. So, I started PT. I was very thorough with him about where my spinal issues are, and when he ran his fingers down the middle of my back, he could very obviously tell something isn’t right – “it, like, juts out, and then the rest curves way in”. Yup. People think I have an ass- HA! I’ve been fooling you all these years, accentuating my horrifically fucked up spine with appropriately worn clothing LOL. Bwah ha ha! So, I started PT, and it’s painful as all fuckin’ hell, & he even said he honestly doesn’t think there’s anything he can do for me. I still enjoy chatting with him though, & getting into an actual gym, & learning a few things. So there’s that. I’ve been contrarian as fuck about my workouts lately, even simple shit like tai chi – I just refuse. I’ll get back into the groove soon though. I rolled my ankle & fell hard off my back steps at the very beginning of June, & it’s still not fully healed, but that’s not a valid excuse – I just don’t wanna. 🤷 Working back up to being mindful & intentional about my physical state, I suppose. Mentally, I’m doing alright. Feeling kinda bleh lately; “exhausted” would probably be a more appropriate word (and if you’ve read my “Day in the Life” post, you can see why). But, s’all good.
  • marriage : We actually went on a date!!!!! I literally don’t remember the last time we went out on an actual date. It was just to see a (really quite terrible) improv show, but it was cool cuz it was right by the river we’d gone to on one of our very first dates. We had more fun wandering around by the river than we did during the actual show lol, even though hubby won a gift certificate to a local restaurant.
💚💜
  • mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. They had their end of season gymnastics showcase, which was super cute. Injuries? Only notable one was when Booboo crashed her go kart into the skoolie – good thing she was wearing a seatbelt & a helmet (& she got an impromptu homeschool lesson in velocity & traction that day heh). No real injuries though. I’ve been taking them on dates individually once a month, to get one on one time – took Booboo bowling & took Bubby to an arcade.
I think she just loves throwing things 😂
She’s totally a gamer girl 🎮
  • homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Officially finished the school year. I was panicking when I had to turn in the annual assessment for Booboo, but it really wasn’t that serious lol. Well, until I went to turn it in – the drop box was blocked off by construction, & when I called they at first didn’t know what to tell me, so I ended up submitting it in the mail. Hopefully they got it lol. So, we’ve officially started 2nd grade & Kindergarten (since we do school throughout the summer), & it’s going beautifully! Bubby surprises me more every day!!!
  • zenBLITZ : I’ve been slacking a little, not gonna lie. I just haven’t been able to find the time or energy for my posts (I’m even behind on this one!) I created a landing page for my brand, with more links in progress when applicable – I like the simplicity of it. I’m working on a business card zine too – hopefully I can make it look as nifty as it is in my head lol, and I plan on doing a bit of “guerrilla marketing” with it. Worked on some “print on demand” designs, but haven’t started with Redbubble yet (mostly just playing with designs right now, in other words). Made a couple of cool leather bracelets which I’ve been wearing a lot, started a really cool looking traveler’s notebook (but then hubby over-conditioned it & now it needs to dry out enough to hold paper lol UGH!), & started a leather wallet but I’m finding that I’m appalled by 2-3oz leather, so we’ll see how it goes (an experiment if nothing else!)
  • homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Fuck it. Fuck it all. 🤣 (It’s fine; nothing to report.)
  • (step) gramma : Good. Only got to babysit once or twice, but she’s good! 🥰

Currently

eating – Cup Noodles are my love language 😆

drinking – water, coffee

watching – Nothing really. I don’t have the attention span for anything, tbh

reading – I gave my copy of “The Night Circus” to a girl who drove over an hour to pick up something I was selling on Marketplace because she runs a circus side project 😂 So I’m awaiting my eBay order of another copy lol

playing – Nothing, really

buying – Well, hubby got his Roger Rabbit Bugatti golf cart, so he’s been spending some money on converting it from gas to electric. I’ve behaved, for the most part heh

listening to – Social Distortion. I don’t know why – I used to be bored by Social Distortion, but they’ve grown on me recently

celebrating – 7 years of marriage, & 9 years together!

pinning – pretty background pics, antique journals, drawing technicalities, self care quotes, & zines

planning – adventures

feeling – Meh. Not bad. Just tired.

All that said, I’m still behind on my posts, so we’ll see what happens – I may continue the series I’ve been working through, I may rant about any of the other things on my mind, I may just take a week off to let my brain simmer down from this 90*+ weather. Whatever happens, love you all 😉 See ya soon!

Stay real, live vibrantly, & rock the fuck on! 🤘💚💜🖤

Don’t forget to stop & watch the sun set once in a while… 💚

Choosing a Different Path

zen

The Turning Point Between Awareness and Action

Image created with ChatGPT

The past several weeks, I’ve been naming a bunch of the harder things we sometimes have to deal with :

If You Feel Stuck in Life, Start Here…

Functional Depression & Anxiety: Why You Feel Off But Keep Going

No Such Thing as Resolved Grief

Bored, Lonely, & Looking for Something to Be Pissed Off About

How We Cope (And Sometimes Make It Worse)

All our shadows & demons.

We see each other. Whatever we’re going through at any point in time, we’re really not alone in dealing with it.

Now that the light has been cast…

Where Do We Go From Here?

Awareness is just the beginning.

My next series of posts will explore various means to enjoy the journey without all the typical fluffy self-help bullshit.

Changing the patterns a bit so that we don’t get stuck in them.

Reminding the demons who’s boss.

Life is About the Choices We Make

It’s good to acknowledge your shadows, whatever may plague you. But what to do with that knowledge?

It’s good to have some direction, however imperfect & fluid that direction may be.

We can choose to be stuck in unhelpful patterns, ideas, ways of thinking, ways of doing things.

We can also choose our own adventure.

“Life without design is erratic.” – Seneca

A very smart guy I once knew & will always adore posted this on Facebook a million years ago, & I wrote it down because it really hit me :

“We, as people, need to be who we are, not what we have been made into. We need to open our eyes and realize where we are and where we should be. Destructive behaviors lead to self destruction and not enlightenment. Life is about the choices we make…good, bad or indifferent. We have the power to change anything.”

Personally, that blurb hit me right in my indifference, but it speaks to a lot of things we all deal with.

“Life is about the choices we make”, and the perspectives we choose to take.

Stop Feeding the Demons

A pot of tea when they come to visit isn’t indulgent…it’s essential.

But at some point, you have to walk away from the table & get on with life.

There are no easy answers. Really, there are no concrete answers.

But ideas to contemplate.

All of the pathways in the brain are like trails in the woods.

If you follow the same trail constantly, the path stays clear & easy to follow, right?

But if the trail gets neglected, it becomes overgrown. It’s still there, but harder to find.

That’s how our minds work, in regards to a lot of things – memories, lessons, ideas, emotions, and so on. Helpful or painful.

Sometimes we find ourselves on a long neglected trail,

and we have to decide whether or not it’s worth it to clear the path,

and if so…whether or not it’s worth it to continue clearing that path.

That “very smart guy I once knew & will always adore”? Every pathway he ever made got overgrown for years – I was quite busy following other trails.

And while I still am quite busy, I’ve found myself on his trail quite a bit since it was illuminated a couple years ago.

Is it foolish to meander that trail like I do? I don’t think so. I’m very consciously on it in search of lessons. And I’ve learned a lot, and grown a lot, in the clearing.

The point is that not every path is important.

Emotions arise, exist, and pass.

Stories & rumination feed emotions – Clearing a trail that may be better off overgrown.

Practicing mindfulness is a means of choosing which trails to run down, and which to turn back from.

Whose Trail Are You Even On?

Are you following your own paths, or a map you knew would be easy to follow?

You have to get honest about who you are and what you actually want out of your life – if anyone does it for you, you’re not going to enjoy the outcome. Or the journey.

You can be labeled (or label yourself) as an addict, a depressive, an angry person, or whatever – labels can explain challenges we all face without becoming excuses.

Be mindful of your limitations, but mindful of your excuses just the same.

Gold In The Cracks

The goal is to learn how to grow from it.

How to become whole amidst it.

Integrating it instead of chasing the illusion of “perfection”. Or “normal”.

Taking the broken pieces & kintsugi-ing them back together – proudly displaying the gold in the cracks.

Build Your Own Damn Meaning

The idea that “if you can find meaning in life, you’ll be happy” is vague & unhelpful.

Build your own damn meaning. Now, that’s agency at its finest.

That’s human kintsugi.

Often, meaning can be found in helping others in some way,

and in the process you can pry yourself out of your own head.

Relationships matter, even if they’re minor or fleeting.

And often, if you look hard enough,

meaning can be found in all the little experiences you share with others.

Not in the hedonic pleasure of all the escape routes I’ve mentioned (though they can be a welcome temporary relief),

but in the eudaimonic, fulfilling sense of making the world a better place, even if ever so slightly.

Anger, sadness, anxiety…all those things can be a signal for action, if you let them.

Get out of the soul sucking relationship. Call the friend you haven’t talked to in decades. Fight against the injustices in the world.

Build your own damn meaning.

Blazing New Trails

This isn’t about hustle culture or toxic positivity.

This isn’t about shaming your demons, escape routes, or pain points.

This is about growth through experimentation, curiosity, & gentle iteration.

There are practices that help us map a different path in the woods.

Our own paths.

The following posts are the practices that have helped me create a more enjoyable trail.

Some of them may seem like “fluffy” bullshit, but they work for me.

No one can tell you what path to check out, because not everything works for everyone.

But everything’s worth a shot, eh? Challenge yourself to try something new, even if it sounds silly.

Awareness is just the beginning – now we learn how to blaze trails.

If you’re up for it: pick one trail – old or new – and just notice where it leads this week. No pressure to fix anything. Just notice.

And if you want to follow along as I share my experiences with some of these ‘fluffy bullshit’ practices, hit subscribe – the next few posts are going to get weird, and I’d love the company.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻