self awareness – zen BLITZ

The Turning Point Between Awareness and Action

The past several weeks, I’ve been naming a bunch of the harder things we sometimes have to deal with :

If You Feel Stuck in Life, Start Here…

Functional Depression & Anxiety: Why You Feel Off But Keep Going

No Such Thing as Resolved Grief

Bored, Lonely, & Looking for Something to Be Pissed Off About

How We Cope (And Sometimes Make It Worse)

All our shadows & demons.

We see each other. Whatever we’re going through at any point in time, we’re really not alone in dealing with it.

Now that the light has been cast…

Where Do We Go From Here?

Awareness is just the beginning.

My next series of posts will explore various means to enjoy the journey without all the typical fluffy self-help bullshit.

Changing the patterns a bit so that we don’t get stuck in them.

Reminding the demons who’s boss.

Life is About the Choices We Make

It’s good to acknowledge your shadows, whatever may plague you. But what to do with that knowledge?

It’s good to have some direction, however imperfect & fluid that direction may be.

We can choose to be stuck in unhelpful patterns, ideas, ways of thinking, ways of doing things.

We can also choose our own adventure.

“Life without design is erratic.” – Seneca

A very smart guy I once knew & will always adore posted this on Facebook a million years ago, & I wrote it down because it really hit me :

“We, as people, need to be who we are, not what we have been made into. We need to open our eyes and realize where we are and where we should be. Destructive behaviors lead to self destruction and not enlightenment. Life is about the choices we make…good, bad or indifferent. We have the power to change anything.”

Personally, that blurb hit me right in my indifference, but it speaks to a lot of things we all deal with.

“Life is about the choices we make”, and the perspectives we choose to take.

Stop Feeding the Demons

A pot of tea when they come to visit isn’t indulgent…it’s essential.

But at some point, you have to walk away from the table & get on with life.

There are no easy answers. Really, there are no concrete answers.

But ideas to contemplate.

All of the pathways in the brain are like trails in the woods.

If you follow the same trail constantly, the path stays clear & easy to follow, right?

But if the trail gets neglected, it becomes overgrown. It’s still there, but harder to find.

That’s how our minds work, in regards to a lot of things – memories, lessons, ideas, emotions, and so on. Helpful or painful.

Sometimes we find ourselves on a long neglected trail,

and we have to decide whether or not it’s worth it to clear the path,

and if so…whether or not it’s worth it to continue clearing that path.

That “very smart guy I once knew & will always adore”? Every pathway he ever made got overgrown for years – I was quite busy following other trails.

And while I still am quite busy, I’ve found myself on his trail quite a bit since it was illuminated a couple years ago.

Is it foolish to meander that trail like I do? I don’t think so. I’m very consciously on it in search of lessons. And I’ve learned a lot, and grown a lot, in the clearing.

The point is that not every path is important.

Emotions arise, exist, and pass.

Stories & rumination feed emotions – Clearing a trail that may be better off overgrown.

Practicing mindfulness is a means of choosing which trails to run down, and which to turn back from.

Whose Trail Are You Even On?

Are you following your own paths, or a map you knew would be easy to follow?

You have to get honest about who you are and what you actually want out of your life – if anyone does it for you, you’re not going to enjoy the outcome. Or the journey.

You can be labeled (or label yourself) as an addict, a depressive, an angry person, or whatever – labels can explain challenges we all face without becoming excuses.

Be mindful of your limitations, but mindful of your excuses just the same.

Gold In The Cracks

The goal is to learn how to grow from it.

How to become whole amidst it.

Integrating it instead of chasing the illusion of “perfection”. Or “normal”.

Taking the broken pieces & kintsugi-ing them back together – proudly displaying the gold in the cracks.

Build Your Own Damn Meaning

The idea that “if you can find meaning in life, you’ll be happy” is vague & unhelpful.

Build your own damn meaning. Now, that’s agency at its finest.

That’s human kintsugi.

Often, meaning can be found in helping others in some way,

and in the process you can pry yourself out of your own head.

Relationships matter, even if they’re minor or fleeting.

And often, if you look hard enough,

meaning can be found in all the little experiences you share with others.

Not in the hedonic pleasure of all the escape routes I’ve mentioned (though they can be a welcome temporary relief),

but in the eudaimonic, fulfilling sense of making the world a better place, even if ever so slightly.

Anger, sadness, anxiety…all those things can be a signal for action, if you let them.

Get out of the soul sucking relationship. Call the friend you haven’t talked to in decades. Fight against the injustices in the world.

Build your own damn meaning.

Blazing New Trails

This isn’t about hustle culture or toxic positivity.

This isn’t about shaming your demons, escape routes, or pain points.

This is about growth through experimentation, curiosity, & gentle iteration.

There are practices that help us map a different path in the woods.

Our own paths.

The following posts are the practices that have helped me create a more enjoyable trail.

Some of them may seem like “fluffy” bullshit, but they work for me.

No one can tell you what path to check out, because not everything works for everyone.

But everything’s worth a shot, eh? Challenge yourself to try something new, even if it sounds silly.

Awareness is just the beginning – now we learn how to blaze trails.

If you’re up for it: pick one trail – old or new – and just notice where it leads this week. No pressure to fix anything. Just notice.

And if you want to follow along as I share my experiences with some of these ‘fluffy bullshit’ practices, hit subscribe – the next few posts are going to get weird, and I’d love the company.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Because your demons don’t knock – and they’re not going away.

As excited as I was to write this post…I had a hell of a time with it.

Not because it’s emotionally heavy or because I’ve studied Jung – but because my take on it differs a bit from the standard one…

The Stuff We Keep Stuffing Into the Basement

Typically, the shadows & demons are the “unacceptable” aspects of your psyche that you bury to be able to carry on in a socially acceptable manner throughout your life – your rage, your fear, your sadness…

Things you were conditioned early on to hide from the world through your upbringing, your culture, religion, gender roles…

Things that tend to pop out in other unpleasant ways – sarcasm, harsh judgment of others, controlling behavior…

And, while I do agree with that sentiment, I think it goes far beyond that.

They can hide beneath many of the struggles I’ve been writing about these past few weeks – grief, anxiety, trauma, restlessness, addictions, daydreaming – and more.

They’re the thoughts, emotions, wounds, and patterns that refuse to stay buried.

The things we try not to feel, acknowledge, or understand.

The things that keep returning until we pay attention.

Though, the shadow isn’t always dark.

Sometimes it’s creativity that was mocked. Vulnerability that wasn’t safe. Assertiveness that was labeled selfish. Joy that felt irresponsible.

Sometimes the things we bury aren’t ugly at all.

The Mirror You Don’t Recognize

They can manifest in a variety of ways, and for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes for no obvious reason.

Something might trigger you. Someone’s judgment of you might hit harder than expected. You notice yourself chasing your tail. Nightmares. Fantasies.

They can be like an unrecognizable mirror – your past bleeding into the present.

Or they can just be an ominous feeling that you can’t shake.

For me (yup, getting really real here)…

It’s often a crushing feeling that I’m a hopelessly fucked up failure who disappoints everyone around me.

While I’m perfectly aware that these are “just” intrusive thoughts, fed by shitty, estranged family members who are in no position to judge… I can’t help but be afflicted by them occasionally.

Sometimes these shadows visit when I’m trying to fall asleep – all my perceived catastrophic failings as a caregiver, all my senseless guilt – sneak up & grab me by the throat.

Sometimes they visit my husband in his dreams, where innocent memories get distorted into horrific trauma. Which is, of course, incredibly disorienting.

Pull Up a Chair

This discontent is merely an invitation to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

“What you resist persists; what you accept transforms.” – Carl Jung

Demons will always pop out of the shadows – it’s wise to invite them to tea because they refuse to be turned away for long. They have their reasons.

They always retreat eventually anyway, but the purpose of sitting with them is to get to know them – what they are & why, what they need you to learn or know, & how to proceed when they go back into hiding.

They’re not shameful – everyone has their own, though many pretend they don’t & then chase their tails into purgatory.

They’re there to remind you, to humble you, to keep you compassionate & growing.

You don’t have to agree with them.

You don’t have to obey them.

But you might learn something by listening.

It’s a lifelong process of wholeness – enjoy the journey without the destination in mind.

“Make love to your darkness until it sighs in relief. You can’t heal what you won’t let howl.” – Christopher Sexton

The tea isn’t for them.

It’s for you.

Shadow work isn’t a one-time breakthrough. It’s a standing invitation – and the door’s always open.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs permission to stop running. And if you’re new here – subscribe. We go to uncomfortable places, and we bring snacks (and tea).